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Hotel California
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Hotel California The Logical Song Will Continue, First Comment This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side. |
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The Logical Song The first thing I should touch on is the fact that Enigma Initiative, the Foundation, didn't actually start with Nick and me. It actually started in conversation with Jeff on Skype. Lort, this story is so freaking intertwined and includes online and real life stuff, I hope you all are keeping up with me. I know someone mentioned something about a “character list”, and I will add one as the story becomes more complicated...because trust, it's gonna get WAY more complex. Jeff, the man I met through Val, the bigoted Trump Supporter (Look, I know that not every Trump Supporter is a misogynistic/misandrist bigoted xenophobe, but the loudest ones seem to be. And, you know what “they” say, you're most like the people you spend time with.), was a pretty brilliant guy. He never asked me for anything, except conversations. We spoke about a variety of topics, including a huge part of my life history. The man, well, he helped my brain “activate”. Look, for three years, I may as well have been the “Walking Dead”. I was on autopilot, for the most part. I read a lot, to be sure, and I watched a lot of television (On Hulu and Netflix because, trust, advertisements were STILL not my friends). We talked about his life, and though I will not tell you his life story, or even part of it because it's not my story to tell, I will say that Jeff was a humanist, like me. He was also a bit of a Marxist, which, of course, was fine. It's not like my friends have to believe everything I do. Shit, I don't even believe in the God the two men I live with believe in, still love them.  I gave him my views on polyamory; relationship anarchy, and relationships in general. We spoke of minimalism, religion, politics, culture, and philosophy probably most of all. I'm a sucker for deep, meaningful conversations. And, yes, we spoke about sex. Lort, people, do you really think I can go all that long without letting that subject slip through my fingertips? After my confrontation with the bully Droid, I got a bit more attention on Fetlife. It, definitely, affected my self esteem in an interesting way. See, not only was I showing my personality in a controlled environment, I was also being uplifted by Jeff heavily on Skype. He was always quick with a compliment, and I AM an Attention Whore. Seriously, people, if you write blog, you're an attention whore too. Let's not pretend here, you are. If you weren't, you wouldn't be writing a blog. Just sayin. In my under educated opinion, there is nothing wrong with being an attention whore, as long as you aren't hurting anyone with your words. Why should it matter? Fuck, ya'll, I'm more anarchist like than you all can imagine when it comes to MOST things. (There are quite a few things where I vary BIG TIME from Anarchy, so no one get their panties in a bunch.  ). I just don't fucking care what people do with their lives if they aren't harming or using their platform to harm others. Ya know?I, also, started attempting to solve the puzzle of whose sock puppet belonged together. Lort, ya'll, I just love a puzzle. My father used to do them pretty heavily before he died in 1989, when I was 21. When I was a padawan, I used to buy those logic problem books. I consumed mysteries in book and on the screen. Fuck, people, I just really adore having to dig in my heels and figure things out pulling together all the details to assemble the final product. It's like candy for my brain. And, then? In real life? One of my friends started hitting on me, heavily. A super sweet and good guy that lit up my life once in a while by coming over to talk with me. See, people, I was really lonely in my day to day life. Even through I had begun the process of waking up Nick, it wasn't like he was around a whole lot. And, I was...seriously....lonely. And, also, still leaning heavily towards agoraphobia. However, I had started taking walks in the early morning hours. It was easiest, for me, then. I didn't have to worry too much about running into other people. There's a whole side story here that I'm just going to include. Even though I debated leaving it out, I've realized it's important to explain the descent into agoraphobia because I used to walk all the damn time. Not too long after the sexual assault by the man I met here on MenNation.com in 2017 and before I met Storm last December, I was sexually assaulted by two men in my neighborhood while walking back from the store one night. Now, look, I did NOT go to the police. I was scared and alone,and really fucking upset. I should have called Logan0867, but I didn't. The anxiety that accompanies CPTSD is insane, let me tell you. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Could I finger those two men today? Nope. But, I know where they used to live, and that's all I'm going to say about that until later in THE Story. I didn't tell Nick about everything because he is a worry wart, and I didn't want him worrying about me. In fact? I didn't tell anyone the whole story because I'm a fucked up crazy person who just sublimates her pain rather than face it. It probably didn't help that every time I tried to tell people about anything where anyone had hurt me and I didn't go to the police, I was demonized for it. So many people were like, you're lying for attention...what were you wearing...why were you walking alone? Fuck, I just stopped telling people about the things that happened to me. I just let them happen, and punished myself so that others wouldn't feel the need to, easier, amirite? Why would I think I could be safe? SMDH at how stupid I was back then, listening to those who have been brainwashed by the media, social and otherwise. Pics or it didn't happen, indeed. So, yeah, to say I was starving for human affection was an understatement; I may as well been in the mother fucking desert without water. And, here was Jeff in my Skype lifting me up, and my friend starting to show me some positive attention in real life. Ya'll, I was riding a natural high like none I felt in any context. We were making out in the garage, he had me pushed over onto a work bench in there, and he was licking my ass, and my brain was swirling with the realities of how much I wanted this.. Just couldn't do it in my house because I didn't want to upset Nick. We were like two teenagers planning an escape after prom complete with a stay in a decent hotel. Lort, it was exciting. I'm a poor woman on disability, people. When I go on a staycation? I pay like forty five dollars a night for one of those cheapo places. It's not like I'm staying at the Ritz, more like the Days Inn super close to the highway. One has to remember that I live in Orlando, cheap hotel rooms are a dime a dozen. Truth is, I have a fondness for one of the Days Inns here in Orlando and have even spent time talking with the owner, but that's later in THE Story. You should know that we are only at the beginning of July of this year Motha Fuckas. Bwahahahahaha. Pretty diverse, huh? We haven't even hit the Anonymous part of THE story, either. Anonymous is a decentralized international hacktivist group that is widely known for its various DDoS cyber attacks against several governments, government institutions and government agencies, corporations, and the Church of Scientology. Anonymous originated in 2003 on the imageboard 4chan representing the concept of many online and offline community users simultaneously existing as an anarchic, digitized global brain.[2][3][4] Anonymous members (known as Anons) can be distinguished in public by the wearing of Guy Fawkes masks in the style portrayed in the graphic novel and film V for Vendetta.[5] However, this may not always be the case as some of the collective prefer to instead cover their face without using the well-known mask as a disguise. Some anons also opt to mask their voices through voice changers or text-to-speech programs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anonymous_(group) That's coming, when I feel like it. Funny enough, it's way more exhausting writing about this than it was living it. Just sayin. Thank You for Reading. Hotel California By The Eagles On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night. There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell And I was thinking to myself 'This could be heaven or this could be Hell' Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face. Plenty of room at the Hotel California Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat Some dance to remember, some dance to forget So I called up the Captain, 'Please bring me my wine' He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty-nine' And still those voices are calling from far away, Wake you up in the middle of the night Just to hear them say" Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face. They livin' it up at the Hotel California What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise), bring your alibis Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice And she said, 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device' And in the master's chambers, They gathered for the feast They stab it with their steely knives, But they just can't kill the beast Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door I had to find the passage back to the place I was before 'Relax' said the night man, 'We are programmed to receive. You can check out any time you like, But you can never leave!' Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Glenn Lewis Frey / Don Felder / Donald Hugh Henley This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.
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It is, isn't it? Do you see how it relates to the story I told? This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.
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Not my favorite song these days. I used to love it but it's one of those I heard it played so many times I'm almost sick of it songs these days. Yes you should have *hugs*
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Yes, getting attention on this site can be ego boosting.
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Yes, getting attention on this site can be ego boosting.  Have a Great Weekend! This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.
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