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Paul'S PlacE ❗ ⭕❗⭕ ❗⭕
These stories and irreverent points of view usually make sense... to me.
I hope you.ll share my smile.
(©April 2018-22 May - Paul)
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
7 Signs You’ve Been On A Sex Site For Too Long 😮❗❤️
Posted:Aug 18, 2020 8:50 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2020 1:26 pm
I thought I’d mix things up and go with the number 7 again. Whadja think?

Introspection, self-reflection and insight - they’re all words that I found on the ‘Google’. And they’re all practical tools for understanding yourself, processing what you learn and coming up with some answers to questions. What question did I ask myself?

How can you tell if you’ve stayed too long on a sex site?

I had some thoughts about this website and the signs that I might be on it past my expiration date. Much like that banana on the kitchen table - everything has a lifespan. Who likes those brown soft, mushy ones, right? Surprisingly the Mayo Clinic knows about this affliction. With their help, I’ve compiled the - 7 signs that you might have stayed on a sex site (like this one)… for a touch too long.

1. Unexplained weight loss
This might be a dream come true for some of us, but in reality, it can signal more serious issues. Are you depressed that you haven’t found a partner here yet? Unless you’re exercising like a nut - weight loss can be a sign this site is getting to you.

2. Persistent or high fever
Yes, we have that ‘virus’ thingy, but I’m not talking about THAT. Excessive, persistent and unfulfilled horniness can lead to temperature spikes. If you’re not getting relief here, maybe it’s time to take a step away.

3. Shortness of breath
Very strenuous masturbation, high altitude, extreme temperatures and… sex sites - can cause this breathlessness. Do you experience panic attacks when you look at the number of years you’ve been here without meeting up with anyone? It might be time to look elsewhere.

4. Unexplained changes in bowel habits
What’s normal varies widely but frustration with sex sites may cause;
- Bloody, black or tarry-coloured stools
- Persistent diarrhea or constipation
- Unexplained urges to take a shit or to throw some shit around.

5. Confusion or personality changes
Sex sites and the frustration associated with them can cause;
- Poor thinking and decision-making skills
- Behaviour changes
- Anger, nastiness and rude remarks on blog posts.

6. Feeling full after eating very little
If you consistently feel full sooner than normal or after eating less than usual, you’re probably drinking more than average. And it’s probably due to that stupid sex site you’re on and the idiots you see.

7. Flashes of light
Although marijuana is legal in many parts of the world, bright spots or flashes of light shouldn’t be something you’d expect to see. More likely, that sex site you’re on is causing a mild retinal detachment. Are you staring at a tiny computer screen hour after hour, trying to read mindless profiles while responding to pointless emails and rude instant messages?

Now, all or none of the symptoms I’ve just listed, may or may not have anything to do with the sex site you’re a member of. But be mindful and self-aware, if you experience any of these signs while you’re on a sex site. That brown mushy banana on that kitchen table I mentioned earlier? No one wants to be one of those. It might be time to cut your losses and step away.

Hey… I might have missed a few other symptoms so feel free to throw your two cents in. We all might learn something here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4 Things You Can Do To Guarantee… You Will Taste Better… 😊❤️
Posted:Aug 13, 2020 9:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2020 11:08 am
Yes… as some of you may have noticed, I’m learning how to count backward from 7.

Men, have you ever thought of what you can do, to make yourselves taste better to her or him… or to your dog? Since I have no life, I’ve given it some significant thought, researched the ‘Google’, and come up with - 4 things you can do to improve how you taste. Ladies… share this information with your partner.

As you probably knew, semen is only one percent sperm. The rest is made up of vitamins, minerals, chlorine, calcium, fructose, citric acid, nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus, zinc, sodium, and over 200 separate proteins.

What it tastes like depends on what you put into your body.

Here are 8 ways to make your cum taste bad.

1. Smoking: makes your semen taste like a stale cigarette.

2. Dairy: while good for your gut, makes your semen taste terrible.

3. Drugs + Alcohol: it's a given.

4. Meat: makes your semen extra salty.

5. High-Sulfur Foods: intensifies the taste in a bad way (e.g. broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower).

6. Caffeine: some is alright, but too much will result in a bitter taste.

7. Asparagus: look at how it affects your pee; now translate that to your semen.

8. Fast Food: includes chemicals that make your semen bitter.

How do you improve the taste of semen? Try these simple 4 steps.

1. Sweeten It Up: wheatgrass, cinnamon, lemon, peppermint, and parsley all sweeten the taste of your semen. Naturally sugary fruits like pineapple, kiwi fruits, blueberries and plumbs also improve your taste.

2. Celery: it's high in Vitamin C which will help flush out the salty flavour.

3. Cranberries: they actually help balance the pH levels in your semen, making for a better taste.

4. Water: remembering your semen is made up of mostly water, so if you aren't having enough of it (8-10 glasses daily) your semen will not taste good.

There’s a popular myth that pineapple is the miracle food that will transform your semen into some sort of magical elixir. And this is partially true. Because pineapple is pretty acidic, eating a lot of it or drinking a lot of pineapple juice can help cut down on the bitter taste of semen. I always knew that my vodka pineapple slushies helped with something other than with the buzz. My grocer has the no-name brand on special - 3 cans for $6, so I’m set till winter 2021.

And that’s it... a blog post that’s short, sweet, and to the point - and tasty, if you follow these tips.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now I ask the questions, right? But what will those be?

Have you tasted yourself and what do you think?

Women - do you always swallow and have you ever suggested your partner drink more pineapple juice?

Or I might (for those of you who are shy) simply ask:
How was your day?

- - - - - - - - - - - -
5 Ways to Deal With Insults and Put-Downs… on Dating Sites... 😊❗❤️
Posted:Aug 10, 2020 11:52 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2021 8:27 am
Recently, a lady friend of mine asked me for some advice. She's a member of another dating site and had been experiencing a spate of insults and put-downs while 'chatting'. I thought of how I might support her. With the benefit of a 2020 article in 'Psychology Today', I came up with a plan that might also help you.

Harmful Words...
Insults and put-downs can affect your happiness, confidence, and self-esteem, as well as your sex life. Over time, they can lead to lead to feelings of isolation, alienation, anger, anxiety, and depression.

That's what my lady friend was feeling. Evidently, a trio of peeps in her chat room found her use of acronyms and emojis worthy of attack. They questioned her integrity and humility and went as far as calling her an asshole, a narcissist, and a ‘crack-head’. Can you believe it? Neither could I.

What do you do when painful words are flung your way? Let's look at your possible choices.

1. Anger
Anger is your worst choice. It shows that you take the insult seriously, there might be truth in the words, and it upsets you.

2. Return the Insult
Are you clever and quick? The issue with the put-down - however brilliant it may be - is that it equalizes us with our insulters. It brings them up to our level and us down to theirs. This gives them, their words and behavior, far too much legitimacy. Returning the insult also risks injuring the insulter (who is probably very fragile) and invites further attacks.

3. Humor
Humor, if successful, can be an especially effective response, for three main reasons:
- It undercuts the insulter and his or her insult.
- It brings any third parties on side.
- It diffuses the tension of the situation.

A similar strategy is to go with the insult and even add to it, for example: "Ah, if you knew me better, you would find greater fault still!" This makes a mockery of the insult and, by extension, of the insulter.

4. Rebuking the Insulter
Ignoring the insult works with strangers but it’s not a sensible strategy when it comes to people with whom we have an ongoing personal or professional relationship. In such cases, have a quiet word, and reassert your boundaries.

5. Ignore the Remarks - the way you would a yapping puppy.
THIS is your strongest response. If you don't know or respect the people flinging the words at you, their venom should be taken with the same reaction you'd have - to a barking or a naughty . Just ignore it. It implies - “You’re so insignificant to me that I don’t even care to register your insult."

We never have to take offense at an insult. Offense exists NOT in the insult but in our REACTION to it. Our attitude is completely within our control. It’s unreasonable to expect a boor to be anything but a boor; if we take offense at his or her bad behavior - we have only ourselves to blame.

How do you deal with insults and put-downs here and in the ‘real world’?
6 Tips On How to Successfully Blog... While Drinking... 🍷🍷😎❗
Posted:Aug 4, 2020 9:05 am
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2020 10:00 pm
Drinking, while doing anything - except partying - doesn't work. And even then, it should be done in moderation. You say you want to drink and write? Well THAT'S, a recipe for failure. But what if , someone challenged you to a game. Let's assume the question was - 'Can you successfully blog while drinking?' Here are six tips to help you win that bet.

1. Choose a Title or Theme, Ahead Of Time:
Don't count on thinking with impartial clarity while that bottle is open. Develop a theme, outline, and title - before that cork comes off. A 'good idea' - while your brain is fuzzy - is often, not as good as you think it is.

2. Eat Beforehand:
Never drink on an empty stomach. A tasty balance of starches and carbs provides your gut with a satisfying surge of energy. More importantly, it will coat your stomach with a protective layer of nutrients to prevent those alcohol molecules from overpowering your brain too quickly.

3. Don't Mix Drinks :
Choose your favorite beverage and stick with it. Don't mix red with white or beer with hard stuff. What would you lean towards?

4. Choose a Good Word Editor:
Nothing worse than a poorly crafted sentence or one with tons of mistakes in it. I use 'Word' to manage my prose and eliminate typos and grammar errors. 'Grammarly' is a good choice as well. Copy and paste your final version into your target document.

5. Edit, Edit... Then Edit Some More:
Don't get carried away. Just because you have 2 thousand words swimming in your head, doesn't mean you're obliged to put them all down. Less is more. If you can take a paragraph and put it into a sentence, then chop that sentence and find one word that fits - do it. A thesaurus is a great tool, especially for the tipsy mind.

6. Be Safe Before You're Sorry:
Before you finally press 'enter' and send your thoughts out into the web, triple and quadruple check what you've scribbled. You don't want to offend or piss anyone off - unless THAT'S your goal. Remember, once out there your words can't be taken back!

And there you have it. A guide and 6 tips to successfully combining the bottle with the blog - or any written words, for that matter.

Personally, I never drink while typing a written piece of anything. Those vodka pineapple slushies - I'm fond of - are for weekends by the lake. Now, mind you, if it's a letter to my bank or a comment to a person who's brushed a nerve - my inner monologue disappears and I might let some un-sanded words fly.

Can you think of anything I've missed? How do you edit your words and thoughts before pressing 'enter' and letting them flutter?

7 Ways To Build A Successful Sex Boutique... In The South Pacific.... ❗❗❗
Posted:Jul 30, 2020 10:57 am
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2020 6:45 am
Did I ever tell you about my visit last summer, to a bizarre island in the South Pacific? It had no name. It didn't appear on any map and it was populated by strange men and women all searching for one thing... a partner in sex.

Upon my arrival, I immediately noticed that the majority of tenants were women - 80% at least. Women of all shapes, colors, and sizes. Yet, they all had one thing in common; they were all desperate to find a man. And strangely enough, the men controlled everything .

Those men held their erotic carrots (and the promise of sex), just far enough - from the reach of those women - to keep them all intrigued.

The principal commerce on that plot of sand was the boutique business . In the main market square was a huge billboard listing all the top boutiques to visit. And let me tell you; competition to be the 'Top Boutique' was stiff. Dozens and dozens of men and women would try all sorts of tricks to attract that honor.

Each boutique was unique. Some told stories, others shared jokes or recipes, and even cute anecdotes of the owner's life. But the most popular ones (managed by the males), invited their guests to look at postcards of naked men. Can you imagine?

The way the system worked was simple. The more visitors and signatures in your Guest Book - the more popular you'd be and the higher you'd rise on that all-important billboard.

I was curious about how those boutique owners had become so famous . I mean, postcards ... of naked men? No one had internet access on the island, so perhaps it made sense. What trick did they use? You'll never guess.

They gave away free televisions. Can you believe it? Most of the female island residents couldn't afford one.

That top boutique owner - a stout grumpy man in his mid-forties - proudly displayed banal postcards (pictures borrowed from the TV) that otherwise would be ignored. Yet once a month, he'd give away a television. Thousands of women (and other men), would flock to his cramped, stuffy little boutique to glance at those fuzzy postcards and nod (hypnotically) in approval. More importantly, they'd all put their names in the hat for that grand prize draw - a television. What a great idea, right?

Now that grumpy boutique owner never took too kindly to any competition. Nor did he suffer poorly written signatures in his guest book. He'd complain and grumble and even call the island police to report perpetrators of his list of fictional infractions.

If you went to another boutique - without his permission - you'd be banned from his boutique. If you said anything bad about him - whether true or not - he'd ban you from his boutique. He'd even invent stories about other boutique owners, just to create havoc and make sure his name remained on that board - as a Top Boutique Owner .

Was he a self-absorbed nihilistic, pompous, delusional, ignorant dick?

No, not really. All the top boutique owners had basic human flaws; he just owned a majority of the negative ones.

Just before I was about to leave the island - my visa was expiring - I heard a rumor. The island curators were going to ban the free television giveaways. I heard his screams of anguish echo through the palm trees, as I boarded my boat.

How did things turn out on that island enclave? Hmmm... good question. Perhaps after this virus thing resolves itself, I'll visit again. The food was great and the waters were an inviting , crystal clear turquoise.

We Have Lost Forty Million Good Men… WTF?😮
Posted:Jun 15, 2020 10:03 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2020 7:51 pm
I occasionally go for the ‘Gold’ on this site. I perv about with liberty and impunity and then, get bored and …let things lapse. I don’t bother renewing. Shortly after my latest negligence, I received a shocking email from the team up at A F F HQ.

At first glance, it was a pleasant surprise to see that they’d offered me; ‘fifty percent off’ the regular membership - to continue to  prance around with the crown. I mean who can resist fifty percent off ANYTHNG? Then I noticed this line of enticement they included;

“As a Gold member, you can contact any of our more than 40 million members…”

Wait a minute… wait a MINUTE! I’d read where A F F had - seventy eight million members. What happened to forty million men? (I say men, because lets face it, 99.9% probably are.) My gosh… I knew things were going in the toilet but to lose THAT many members is… well… it’s shocking. It’s like losing Canada or Poland or wiping Australia and Taiwan off the map. There was another alternative and that is; A F F never had seventy eight million members and it was all an exaggeration and a lie! Hmmm…

I know, perhaps I should be doing MY part to be - a more responsible contributor here. Posting a blog ten times a day might help. More memes and pics of naked people might attract new members; god knows this site doesn’t have enough of THOSE. Or is the extinction and eventual disappearance of this site inevitable; like the demise of the dinosaur.

I got an email from my church group the other day. They’re looking for a new President to help coordinate plans for picnics and outings and things like that. There’s no salary (of course) but there is the esteem of smacking that varnished maple gavel at the weekly, distanced, face to face meetings. Hmmm… I’m thinking about it.

In the meantime; what are you doing to contribute to the overall quality of life on this island named A F F? Or are you just waiting till you try and log in one day… and find the doors closed?

What Could Be More Important Than Sex…I Found It…🤔
Posted:Jun 8, 2020 11:44 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2020 5:01 pm
Many of us on this site have realized that SEX is something seriously underappreciated if it’s missing from our lives. Well, I accidentally found something ELSE that’s even MORE important; something I always took for granted.

‘LEFT’.  Yep, that’s what I said - ‘left’; specifically the ability to turn ones head to the left.  I don’t know how, but I’ve lost the skill to turn my head. Did I sleep wrong? Did I pull a muscle with a sneeze? I have no fricken idea but there it turned up - I can’t turn my head more than an inch or two. That bizarre kink has put a real crimp into my lifestyle. Things I used to take for granted have dissolved into these huge - momentarily painful - life altering decisions. Do I…  or don’t I? 

How do you talk with someone standing to your left? Shaving – damn!  And who knew reaching for toilet paper could be such a pain.

People who see me always notice my tilted head and ask that inevitable question, “Are you alright?” To which I constantly have to respond, “Fine. It’s just a kink in my neck.” Where they inevitably comeback with, “How did you do that?” Or, "Maybe you should get it x-rayed." And then they continue with “have you tried hot compresses, a massager, pain pills, used tea leaves?” Used tea leaves; what the fuck?

Mr. Google tells me that my predicament is temporary but in the meantime, I’m driving in the far left (fast) lane - everywhere I go. It’s the only way I can manage pain free. Ya only gotta concentrate lookin' straight ahead and right- right?

A Man Will Never Forget... How A Woman Smells... 🌹
Posted:Jun 4, 2020 11:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2020 5:11 am
Corralled by a memory captured in a familiar scent, he twisted his head to see who had passed his table. All he witnessed… were wisps of her blond hair.

It waved through the crowded bar past a throng of suited men; who each in turn, flung their chins to the side and watched her stride by. In times past he would have followed her strut, to see where she landed. Seasons had lapsed - since he’d had a kindred urge. Had he matured or perhaps…just grown tired? The last time he’d tracked such an appetite, it lead him to hopeless slavery of his own lust. It was a passion which morphed into love; one he barely wanted to recall.

He’d rarely ventured out since she’d left him. Friends had dragged him out to celebrate an occasion and he was flung into a familiar place where phantom gaiety… was served in a bottle. He excused himself from their laughter and made his way to the door. A cool breath of air might clear his head and put him in a better mood.

He stepped into the night and stood under the misty haze of an orange light. And there she was - posing alone - near a sign that read, ‘Valet’. Her black dress framed her sleek figure as she peered into the dimly lit street. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and ventured over.

“Quite the party in there; we’ve never met. My name is Chris. Do you know the bride-to-be or the groom?”

“Neither,” she laughed. “I was supposed to meet a friend, but I didn’t know there was more than one bar in town with this logo painted on the front. My name is Lindsey,” she smiled warmly and extended her hand.

Her dark eyes captured his a second before her bouquet, traced a path to another reflex. “You probably wanted the one in the east end. I’ve made the same mistake,” he lied as he chuckled. Her phone rang - she turned to answer. When she turned back her demeanour had changed and a tiny frown had curled around her red lips.

“Well… It seems like my plans have been altered. Looks like I’ll just be heading home,” and as she spoke, the valet had pulled up with her car.

He thought quickly. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Would you like to go for a bite to eat,” he queried hopefully.

She paused before she replied;” What about… your party?”

“They’ll hardly miss me. I barely know the couple and I came alone.” 

Lindsey flashed an approving smile and motioned to her car. “Shall we Chris? Are you good at giving directions? I’m new in this city and I suck at figuring out all the silly street signs.”

He laughed as he nestled into the passenger seat. As she closed her door her essence overpowered his logic, in a familiar way. He promised himself months ago that he would never again let his nose lead him astray. He was willing to take a chance that THIS time – it wouldn’t.

A New Way to Look At Things… The Paradox of the Gripe…😮
Posted:Jun 1, 2020 8:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2020 4:21 am
The voices in my head had finally formed a gentle chorus in perfect harmony. And then, I stepped out of my daze and into the bright LED spotlights of that obnoxiously loud and packed auditorium. “Oh for fuck's sake, can you people just shut up and go home?” I thought to myself. I don’t do well in crowds. But then I realized something… 

I had a choice, didn’t I? I could have walked away and that would have solved the problem. I might have gotten up to the front of the stage, grabbed the microphone and told them to turn down the blaring music and blinding lights and for everyone to stop fricken shouting. That might have cured my burden; or would they have escorted me out of the building? I should have brought a pair of ear plugs to dampen that roar. Those plugs would have helped but defeated the purpose of my presence. Or I might have smiled confidently, pretended nothing bothered me and I had ALL my shit together. But who likes smiling, smug people who seem to have ALL their shit together? Not to mention the obvious invitation I’d be presenting to my friends for all their complaints. 

Even as I contemplated announcing my displeasure to the folks I was with, would any of them be sympathetic to my plight or would they simply find me annoying? If I was lucky would another, hear my lament then begin to compare their beefs with mine? Many of us are already luckier than we think we are. I should have felt grateful for the luxury of being invited into that hall and the privilege of listening to an ‘expert’ in their field.

So what is one supposed to do if one can’t change things? Don’t complain!

Trouble is I don’t believe you shouldn’t bitch about something just because there might be someone worse off than you. If that were the case then there’d be only ONE person at the front of that cosmic line, right? I realized what I should do is, simply take my negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones.

And that's what I’ve been trying to do - ever since I typed these words. So far, I’m faring really well. I’m going to try to make it through the rest of the week without bitching once. People have already noticed the change in me. Recently, I’ve been getting quizzical stares from acquaintances; when I point out the positives of any situation we’re in or comment on topics we’re discussing. They jokingly ask the name of my new pharmacist. I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s a new philosophy I’m trying to swallow.

It goes down really well with a frozen 'pineapple, vodka slushy' - I might add. We’ll see…

*NOTE: Today is National Say Something Nice Day. Give it a try... 😊

Is A Blog With No Purpose… Still A Blog?  *Site specific really hot sex pic included 😋
Posted:May 26, 2020 11:11 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2020 9:48 am
*NOTE: This blog post has no purpose other than to amuse and squander people’s time. READ at your own risk ! I have included a random sex pic; to make sure it is - ‘Site Specific’

Before I began working from home - in the days prior to that ‘social distance quota’ - I used to share a space and speak with people from work. I recall one time… 

Mike had stomped into our office lunchroom. Someone mistakenly asked him what was wrong. “What's in a word?” he angrily replied to anyone who was willing to listen. “Bitch, slut, ; they're just words - right? Should they reeelee have been brought up in the fucking custody hearing? Her lawyer thought so - the prick.”

We all looked at each other and shrugged. 

That cafeteria is a place where many come to vent. I recall the day Veronica clamped down on a huge submarine sandwich and tried to chew. I thought she'd choke. Eventually she spoke - as she wiped the mayonnaise from the corners of her mouth. “Some folks don't like what they see when they look into a mirror and I get it. But why take it out on OTHER people? Just break the fricken mirror. That’s what I do.” 

I was sitting next to Linda one time, when she turned and told me about the training meeting I’d missed. She described the guy who sat next to her; he was bored and fervently texted his girlfriend. The guest speaker noticed that guy’s distraction, grabbed the phone out of his hands and threw it against the wall - shattering it into pieces. “Never lend your damn phone to anyone.” she glared. 

The topic of love comes up often. The company ‘Accountants Payable Clerk’ (a poor and hopeless romantic) was madly in love - and in a long distance relationship - once. He told us how he couldn’t afford to call her but he wrote to her every single day... for two years. “She never received any of them,” he admitted sadly. We asked him how he knew and he replied; “Well, you get a better deal when you ship things in bulk. They returned that box to me - ‘address unknown’. 

I think I’m open-minded and we were all sharing our thoughts. However Ferdinand – the IT guy - was pretty blunt when he declared to us that he could NEVER have a girlfriend without any legs. He pointed out there’d be no point in calling her – she’d never come. Ferdinand is a funny guy.

Lunch hours do pass quicker when they open their mouths. I don’t really miss them all THAT much. They can get on my nerves eventually, but they do provide me with fodder for thought. And who doesn’t like fodder?
*NOTE: This blog had no purpose other than to amuse and generate a discussion on lunches. Alone or in the office; do you give a shit about them? Lunches … I mean. Or… talk amongst yourselves…  😊
Prayers and Swearing... May Help You Find Your Life Partner... 😮
Posted:May 19, 2020 11:04 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2020 5:21 pm
Have you ever experienced panic; the type that takes your breath away, stalls your heart and squeezes the blood out of your head? It will grip your balls (or ovaries) in a vice – and won’t let go. That’s the type of hell I went through yesterday. Yet… it all began as a casual walk - down by the lake.

I flung my knapsack quickly over my shoulders, locked the car doors and trudged down towards the grassy path and to the old convent – hugging that inlet over to my left. The sun beamed brightly in the clean blue sky as a fresh breeze blew in from the open water.  I walked with a purpose; to get some exercise. The grounds were littered with people sprawled and promenading everywhere.

My usual routine was to hike around the old windmill, past the school, over to the marina and then across the soccer field and back to where I started from. The distance varies, but usually it would be three miles or so. Halfway through my jaunt – I paused to take a sip of water and that’s… when I noticed it.

There are five zippers on my rucksack and they were all closed – except for the one where I had placed my cell phone. It was open and my phone was nowhere to be found. “Oh… for fucks sake,” I thought to myself, “This couldn’t be”. Anyone who knows me knows how I love to brag about my stupid cell device; ‘It’s got the 'scratch ‘n sniff' option. It can power a small village in Africa. It can do anything a full sized computer can do. Blah, blah, blah’.  I’m sure some of you are sick of hearing me brag about the damn thing. Well… my fucking phone - my ‘life partner’ - was lost.  Yep… That’s the moment I turned white and panicked.

I’d been walking for close to an hour in that packed park; I didn’t loose a second. Fervently, I began retracing my steps exactly as I remembered them – all the while peering eagerly and nervously at the ground. My theory was; if I looked concerned enough, perhaps the person who found it would notice and walk up to me (smiling) and gift me, my precious piece of electronics. Dreams do come true – don’t they?  No such fricken luck. My imagination and the horror of what I’d done, gripped my throat, as I pictured the consequences of my stupidity.

Over two thousand pictures in storage – including my dick pics – were the LEAST of my concerns. I was still logged on to 'A F F' and I hadn’t bothered to lock my phone. All of my passwords - to everything - were available to anyone.  My electronic credit cards were visible and of course - I owed the phone company a substantial amount of money for the balance of the lease on that brand new piece of lost hardware! I prayed, if there was a God or any Higher Deity - He or She would forgive some of my transgressions and help me locate my dear lifeline. As I eventually approached the parking lot (and my car), I was sad, depressed and beside myself with anguish over my dumb carelessness. How could I have been so stupid? And then…

As I neared my car, I spied a black rectangular thingy lying five feet from my door – right next to a parked motorcycle. “Was it? Could it be?“, I screamed in my head. “There’s my fucking phone,”  intact, unbroken, unharmed and waiting - for me to pick it up. I don’t think you can imagine my joy, my disbelief - my utter happiness. It must have fallen out of my knapsack when I flipped it over my shoulders. What a HUGE relief!

Unfortunately, I won’t be on this site as often as I used to be. I’ve made some promises I have to keep and I don’t believe my church permits cell phone use on sex sites, during the thrice daily services.

Naked and Reading This?... 8 OTHER Things You Can Do... To Make A Difference... 😊
Posted:May 14, 2020 11:00 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2020 8:33 am
I wanted to do something to help - in these viral times - so I searched on line, for places where I could volunteer.

My town has the highest rates for that global bug , in Canada. The poorer boroughs in this city are even harder hit and Montreal North is a place that's been hit hard. But when I read the Red Cross had put out a desperate plea for aid in that stricken neighbourhood, I looked at myself and said; "Yes..."

"... that's the last fucking place I want to volunteer right now!"

I continued scrolling down that web page; I'm not an idiot ya know.

I do what I can do. I choose to measure my risks and follow a more prudent path. Amongst the items on - 'My Done List' (culled from the web) - are things that EVERYONE can try.


1. Check on your neighbour:
Every time I walk by her door, I can't smell anything rotting - so I 'know' she's 'still' alive.

2. Explore Virtual Volunteering;
Which I just shared with you; I 'virtually' explored Montreal North and... moved on.

3. Practice Efficiency;
I limit trips to the grocery store by being economical. I'm up to cans dated 2016 - in my pantry - and it's going quite well. I've only been sick once... or twice.

4. Give blood;
I did 'that' the other day day. I sliced my finger cutting an onion. You should have seen all the damn blood.

5. Make a ;
Done... I just hope - 'Help The NBA Players Who Are Making Less Than TWO Million Dollars A Year Foundation' - can put my five bucks, to good use.

6. Be a leader;
Yes... that's me! The other day, I berated two people who - weren't practising 'social distancing' and - were kissing and making out in public. Found out later that they've been married for fifty-nine years.
Who fricken knew?

7. Remember Your Front Line Workers;
This one is dear to me. I sent an emoji heart
to my niece - who's a nurse. That should help her with those twelve hour days she's pulling in ICU. Yep...

8. Take care of yourself;
Staying healthy is important. So I don't drink anymore. Of course... I don't drink any less either.


And there you have it. Eight steps you can take to do your part during this difficult period in Earth's history. Perhaps I'm not a philanthropist yet but I'm taking baby steps. Now if only I had a hundred billion bucks; I'd go on CNN and tell people how to really run this planet.

How many items on this list can you check off?

*NOTE: This virus thing is NOT a joke.
This post... WAS.
The Origins of Great Porn... It All Began On This Island... 😎
Posted:May 12, 2020 11:21 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2020 10:52 pm
I’m getting tired of talking about it and listening to others grumble on about it. Yet – it’s the first thing that anyone mentions. Rest assured, I won’t comment on it - here.

I’ve stopped following the News. They're stuck on reporting all the 'crazy ass' stupidity going on everywhere. They should do what the rest of the TV entertainment world is doing; and play a classic re-run. Can you recall a 'good news' day you'd sit through - again?

Have you noticed there’s fuck all to watch on the sports channels? Except (of course) for repeats of games where we know the final score, before it starts.  Vegas bookies (surprisingly) are making tons of money off ‘jonesing’ gamblers, who are betting that somehow - that game ended differently.

I'll admit I acquire a certain inner peace; assured that Tiger made the putt, before he even stroked it. Golf is the only athletic diversion I consistently tolerate. Perhaps because the objective of the player – is to put it in a hole?

Did you hear about that young driver in Toronto (over the weekend) who was clocked doing over 190 miles per hour on an inner city freeway? A gaggle of Canadian police were impressed enough to politely flag him down, impound his car and interview him.

Damn… Ya figure the ’s father woulda thrown him the keys to the fricken station wagon instead?

Which ‘on line’ porn provider do you use? Over the weekend I was on MY favourite site; the most popular one on the planet – ‘Porn Hub’. And if you're on that space, we have something in common.

You/Me/We - are ALL linked ; to The City of Montreal.

‘Porn Hub’ was founded HERE back in 2007. You’re welcome!

Let's bond when you're in the mood. Think of me, next time you - click that 'Hub of Porn' - unbuckle your belts or lower your panties. Or better yet... let's NOT. It's supposed to be a private moment, isn't it?

Let me know, if neuropsychological... thought projection... is just a theory.
In other words - try NOT to think of me. I dare you. lol

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