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I’ve Said Too Much
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I’ve Said Too Much  I went out with the girls last night. Had a glass of wine with my friends that I used to work with. Gilf and I usually meet up once a week, a habit started last year when everything was in lockdown. Back then the conversations were fresh and fun. Both of us were relishing our newfound freedoms and licking our wounds at the same time. We started to record our conversations thinking we’d start a podcast on sexuality as “women of a certain age”. I thought I lost a lot of them when my<b> phone </font></b>was stolen, but found some in emails recently. We still laugh when we are together. She shares about her week; work and her out of town visits with her lover. I share about my life and my lovers. It’s just a nice exchange with a friend that I can confide in. Except that she had told one of our coworkers about my situation some months back. I know because I’m getting ready to go back to the job part-time as a vendor. I met up with the coworker at the beginning of the summer to discuss scheduling and while there she said something about not being judgmental about things at all. My eyes got wide and I asked, “That’s nice. Judgmental about what?” “Well, Gilf mentioned something...” “Really???What has Gilf told you?” “Not much at all” she back pedaled. “Just that your situation has changed. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anybody.” Uh-huh. It surprised me that Gilf would do that. She has always been so trustworthy in the past. I think we were both a bit unsteady last year: with everything changing in our lives, it might have made us both a bit vulnerable. I think she referenced it in the context of her re-emerging relationships, as much as mine when relating it to our coworker. I left it at that that day last summer. Since we were gearing up for Fall classes, I met with the co-worker again yesterday afternoon and went to Gilf’s office afterwards. The coworker seemed stressed and tired [the job will do that to a person], so when we passed her in the hallway, I asked her if she wanted to join us for a glass of wine. She said “yes please! If it’s okay with you guys”. We headed to our local dive bar to meet. We talked, well THEY talked about work, as I sipped my wine and listened. Somehow the conversation strayed off into Relationship-Land, with the co-worker sharing a few intimacies about her marriage, and Gilf talking about her latest trip with her boytoy. With the coworker there it was a little harder for me to share about my latest excursions, so I just sat back and watched those two chatting. But there is something in me that wants to talk about my choices; my journey to this lifestyle. It’s an abhorrent choice to some, and something inside me wants to challenge some of those notions. I don’t know why…maybe it’s about justification for my own actions. Maybe it’s to illuminate the sub cultural trend that’s out there. [Even an MenNation.com article cited that over 40% of marriages are experiencing infidelity*] Maybe I just wanted to take the glass slipper of fairy tale endings that we women have been enculturated with and dash it to the ground! I started talking a bit about my story: discovering my hub’s infidelity, making the choice not to leave, recognizing my own culpability as to his straying…and how this 180 degree turn actually improved our relationship. She-Who-Says-She-Doesn’t-Judge sat there with her mouth hanging open. She said, “I never have thought about my part in it”. Yeah, well, I did. I have never thought of myself as a strong person. In fact, choosing to stay in the marriage while Gilf “braved” leaving hers kind of made me feel weak. She’s always been the “I am Woman, watch me roar” type. There’s lots of reasons for leaving, but there’s lots of reasons for staying too. I look back on the reasoning and the circumstance now and I feel more empowered than I used to. I said as much last night. I also said that I’ve learned that I can love more than one, just like the hubs said to me at one point regarding having me and the GF: “For the last two years, I’ve loved two women!!” he said. I also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone. Gilf challenged that one. Tried to tell me that there is a way to have a one and only that fulfills all your needs: physical, spiritual and emotional. The hubs and I had this conversation ages ago. In fact, I think it came up in the pre-marital classes we took after the fact: Do you believe that one person can be your “be all/end all”?? Why or Why Not? At the time, I thought “Of course!” [Yeah, I’ve got my friends Cinderella and Snow here to confirm all that!] As life went on and my Prince Charming began to get a bit of rust on his crown, I changed my view. It became more about percentages and ratios: like the 80/20 rule. Actually, maybe life, and our needs, became more faceted; where one person fulfilled one aspect, and another fulfills another. Or, maybe I’ve just become more jaded in my old age. Either way, I don’t know that my small part of the world isn’t ready for my expansive views. I think I said too much. *From MenNation.com online magazine article "Why Do People Look For Sex Outside of Marriage" by Rascal Solomon Sept. 14, 2021  ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~ |
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I went out with the girls last night. Had a glass of wine with my friends that I used to work with. Gilf and I usually meet up once a week, a habit started last year when everything was in lockdown. Back then the conversations were fresh and fun. Both of us were relishing our newfound freedoms and licking our wounds at the same time. We started to record our conversations thinking we’d start a podcast on sexuality as “women of a certain age”. I thought I lost a lot of them when my phone was stolen, but found some in emails recently. We still laugh when we are together. She shares about her week; work and her out of town visits with her lover. I share about my life and my lovers. It’s just a nice exchange with a friend that I can confide in. Except that she had told one of our coworkers about my situation some months back. I know because I’m getting ready to go back to the job part-time as a vendor. I met up with the coworker at the beginning of the summer to discuss scheduling and while there she said something about not being judgmental about things at all. My eyes got wide and I asked, “That’s nice. Judgmental about what?” “Well, Gilf mentioned something...” “Really???What has Gilf told you?” “Not much at all” she back pedaled. “Just that your situation has changed. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anybody.” Uh-huh. It surprised me that Gilf would do that. She has always been so trustworthy in the past. I think we were both a bit unsteady last year: with everything changing in our lives, it might have made us both a bit vulnerable. I think she referenced it in the context of her re-emerging relationships, as much as mine when relating it to our coworker. I left it at that that day last summer. Since we were gearing up for Fall classes, I met with the co-worker again yesterday afternoon and went to Gilf’s office afterwards. The coworker seemed stressed and tired [the job will do that to a person], so when we passed her in the hallway, I asked her if she wanted to join us for a glass of wine. She said “yes please! If it’s okay with you guys”. We headed to our local dive bar to meet. We talked, well THEY talked about work, as I sipped my wine and listened. Somehow the conversation strayed off into Relationship-Land, with the co-worker sharing a few intimacies about her marriage, and Gilf talking about her latest trip with her boytoy. With the coworker there it was a little harder for me to share about my latest excursions, so I just sat back and watched those two chatting. But there is something in me that wants to talk about my choices; my journey to this lifestyle. It’s an abhorrent choice to some, and something inside me wants to challenge some of those notions. I don’t know why…maybe it’s about justification for my own actions. Maybe it’s to illuminate the sub cultural trend that’s out there. [Even an MenNation.com article cited that over 40% of marriages are experiencing infidelity*] Maybe I just wanted to take the glass slipper of fairy tale endings that we women have been enculturated with and dash it to the ground! I started talking a bit about my story: discovering my hub’s infidelity, making the choice not to leave, recognizing my own culpability as to his straying…and how this 180 degree turn actually improved our relationship. She-Who-Says-She-Doesn’t-Judge sat there with her mouth hanging open. She said, “I never have thought about my part in it”. Yeah, well, I did. I have never thought of myself as a strong person. In fact, choosing to stay in the marriage while Gilf “braved” leaving hers kind of made me feel weak. She’s always been the “I am Woman, watch me roar” type. There’s lots of reasons for leaving, but there’s lots of reasons for staying too. I look back on the reasoning and the circumstance now and I feel more empowered than I used to. I said as much last night. I also said that I’ve learned that I can more than one, just like the hubs said to me at one point regarding having me and the GF: “For the last two years, I’ve loved two women!!” he said. I also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone. Gilf challenged that one. Tried to tell me that there is a way to have a one and only that fulfills all your needs: physical, spiritual and emotional. The hubs and I had this conversation ages ago. In fact, I think it came up in the pre-marital classes we took after the fact: Do you believe that one person can be your “be all/end all”?? Why or Why Not? At the time, I thought “Of course!” [Yeah, I’ve got my friends Cinderella and Snow here to confirm all that!] As life went on and my Prince Charming began to get a bit of rust on his crown, I changed my view. It became more about percentages and ratios: like the 80/20 rule. Actually, maybe life, and our needs, became more faceted; where one person fulfilled one aspect, and another fulfills another. Or, maybe I’ve just become more jaded in my old age. Either way, I don’t know that my small part of the world is ready for my expansive views. I think I said too much. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Very interesting , XOXO
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I have learned to keep my private life private. I tell no one a lot of things I do, especially coworkers. They are the worst. They think I am the lonely sexless widow. I am ok with them thinking that.
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10/2/2021 11:17 am |
A very good blog!
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Ornoar7@ You what i trying to say babe
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y0u thing .0rnoar7@ Sms me
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i think you said just enough...to get the other two to consider other points of view...and i think gilf should have considered that if you wanted things said to her to be passed to others...you would have said so..bravo on you for being so forgiving.. woop woop
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10/2/2021 2:16 pm |
That is a good read. I think what you said really strikes home...
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Situations, huh? 🤔 I was in one, once; ok, many times. Usually, things straighten themselves out over time. And I try not to poke my nose into another's. But I've got this friend who loves to dig. Once in a while, I'll have had enough, and I'll tell him to fuck off. That works for a while... until the next time he's slipped over the limit. I usually shrug and remind myself to keep my thoughts to myself. I don't know who's worse; him and his opinion and remarks, or me for believing I could trust him. 😊 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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10/2/2021 4:16 pm |
Never too much 😜
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also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone. goodbuddy781
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I used to be in the There Can Only Be One camp for most of my life. Like you, my now ex-wife's infidelity caused me to question everything. I ended up in online relationships but neither one was meant to be a real life situation and yet the feelings were there. I too believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But in terms of living a life with more than one, relationship-wise, I'm not entirely certain that's feasible. As for expressing your views freely I think it's just a matter of "reading the room" to see if your point of view can given without eye-rolling or lack of understanding. Too many times others try to place their moral standards on everyone else. I suspect that yes you spoke out because you may have felt left out or needed to balance the conversation. There is no one right way to be in a relationship. We all make our own choices and decide whether or not to live with them. You keep on going being You. That's what counts, right? My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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Ha, love the mask!! I have to say I greatly admire your courage in pursuing this most atypical path, as well as your bravery in being so open about it. Exploring My Dating Options The Trip from Hell Epilogue DYOT, on HNW [post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us
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10/3/2021 7:50 am |
Rstupenda
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Is that a good thing or ??? ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Very interesting , XOXO ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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I have learned to keep my private life private. I tell no one a lot of things I do, especially coworkers. They are the worst. They think I am the lonely sexless widow. I am ok with them thinking that. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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A very good blog! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Ornoar7@ You what i trying to say babe I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say. sorry! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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i think you said just enough...to get the other two to consider other points of view...and i think gilf should have considered that if you wanted things said to her to be passed to others...you would have said so..bravo on you for being so forgiving.. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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That is a good read. I think what you said really strikes home... ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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No one is everything in my opinion. Does that mean everyone should look elsewhere? No. Does that people shouldn't look elsewhere? No. Does looking elsewhere mean you have to end what you have? No. You can. Or you can evolve what you have. Leaving is actually one way to evolve. Online only, occasional affairs, long term affairs, living with the current situation without straying... All options
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I also tend to say both more and less to people online than in real life. Less identifiable info, more things about subjects like this to people online.
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Yeah, I had a health scare too, prior to all this. It definitely contributed to the choices I've made! Hope all is well with you now! {=} ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Situations, huh? 🤔 I was in one, once; ok, many times. Usually, things straighten themselves out over time. And I try not to poke my nose into another's. But I've got this friend who loves to dig. Once in a while, I'll have had enough, and I'll tell him to fuck off. That works for a while... until the next time he's slipped over the limit. I usually shrug and remind myself to keep my thoughts to myself. I don't know who's worse; him and his opinion and remarks, or me for believing I could trust him. 😊 I still trust Gilf. She is the only one I share my life with on a regular basis. There's really no judgment there. Funny, when you consider that we met at church 20+ years ago!! LOL ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Never too much 😜 Thanks for stopping by! mwah! ~Busti ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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also believe one can love others for different reasons as life goes on; and that there isn’t just a “one and only” for everyone. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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I used to be in the There Can Only Be One camp for most of my life. Like you, my now ex-wife's infidelity caused me to question everything. I ended up in online relationships but neither one was meant to be a real life situation and yet the feelings were there. I too believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But in terms of living a life with more than one, relationship-wise, I'm not entirely certain that's feasible. As for expressing your views freely I think it's just a matter of "reading the room" to see if your point of view can given without eye-rolling or lack of understanding. Too many times others try to place their moral standards on everyone else. I suspect that yes you spoke out because you may have felt left out or needed to balance the conversation. There is no one right way to be in a relationship. We all make our own choices and decide whether or not to live with them. You keep on going being You. That's what counts, right?  ] I think I am just coming into being "me" at this stage. Thanks so much for sharing!! ~Busti ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Ummm...the no wedding ring is because its usually off when we play...giggle!  I agree with all of your thoughts, Eros. When living through the hardest parts of my situation, I remember thinking about all the famous couples who've had lovers as their muses and yet their marriages survived. I think we would all breathe much easier if there was the understanding that there could be more than one or the option to look from the get-go. I find it fascinating on here how so many couples who have been married for decades monogamously, decide they want to experience the poly lifestyle to "spice things up" in their own relationship. I wish we would have approached it that way in the beginning; in agreement to explore, but tbh, I would've hung onto the old mindset I'm afraid. Being forced to look at it through discovery of his choices might have been the only way for me to consider alternatives. I support your view of either/both sex having the choice to pursue other partners...gives a whole new twist to the term "marriage equality", lol. And being "on the cutting edge" is what I think gives rise to my wanting to be more vocal about it at times. I am appreciative that there is a place to discuss these things openly here. Thanks so much for contributing to the conversation! Mwah! ~Busti ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Okay, this had me laughing out loud this morning! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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We are going to need a really big conference room to accommodate the tubs! Better still, let's have the meeting at the hot tubs!!! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Ha, love the mask!! I have to say I greatly admire your courage in pursuing this most atypical path, as well as your bravery in being so open about it. Exploring My Dating Options The Trip from Hell Epilogue DYOT, on HNW [post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us You know, your encouragement from the very beginning of starting this blog [btw, it's been a year already!] has helped me to be brave and open...so thank you for that!! {=} ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Rstupenda ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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No one is everything in my opinion. Does that mean everyone should look elsewhere? No. Does that people shouldn't look elsewhere? No. Does looking elsewhere mean you have to end what you have? No. You can. Or you can evolve what you have. Leaving is actually one way to evolve. Online only, occasional affairs, long term affairs, living with the current situation without straying... All options Btw, I popped over and read some of your blog. I haven't used the chat rooms much, tho' I've been in the local one. It seems a bit chaotic to me. But like you said, online can be both open or not. Thanks so much for sharing! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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10/3/2021 8:27 pm |
Thanks so much for the read. How does it strike home for you??
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I like how you talkd about leaving your marriage,but decided to stay and talk about it...then deciding to have an open relationship. Yes , hits home for me as my spouse is wonderful in every way, just not in the boudoiur.....we are opposites in that regard. I have a voracious appetite for sex and she has very little. Been wanting to have a conversation with her about opening up our relationship....and I am waiting for the timing to be right..... ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Okay, so not many philosophical problems would get solved in that round table..er, tub discussion, but it'd be worth it to try!!  ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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FrankeeZee, my buddy from another site, is kool. He keeps me honest. ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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As interesting as ever McBusti. In my experience, no matter how much our story seems the same as every one else's, it's almost always so completely different, if that makes sense. Who really know what goes on to get us where we are, except for ourselves.....and so who is anyone else to judge us?
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As interesting as ever McBusti. In my experience, no matter how much our story seems the same as every one else's, it's almost always so completely different, if that makes sense. Who really know what goes on to get us where we are, except for ourselves.....and so who is anyone else to judge us? Always appreciate you coming by! Mwah!! {=} ~McBusti ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Infidelity is always a difficult topic to talk about whether it's with your partner, friends, family or colleagues - there are so many feelings and judgements involved. But your choice to remain seems to have worked for you, which is great. 
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10/5/2021 11:51 am |
Very interesting and thoughtful post. As to loving more than one person -it's totally possible and something I have experienced. When I had to break it off it was hurtful for both of us, but it made sense. I still love her and will not forget her, and I still love my wife. I have found that you can love people for different reasons.
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10/6/2021 4:44 pm |
is very sexy your fotorafics bb i want u much
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10/6/2021 4:45 pm |
marcosdi_cardoso
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You could never say too much
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Interesting take. Food for thought for sure.
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My late husband and I were polyamorous. WE each had another partner for years I struggled at the beginning with feelings of jealousy, But worked through it, and ended up not just comfortable, but happy with the situation. Then cancer struck, and all the time consuming energy and emotions that go along with that. Our other relationships fell by the wayside. Not saying that putting our other loves on the back burner was the wrong path to take, but it was hurtful in some ways for our other partners.. who had no primaries of their own. Anyway, after he was gone, I contemplated entering into a few already established poly relationships. In the end, decided I cannot do it without having a primary partner of my own. I hate to admit it, I'm still too fragile to not to have my own support system in place.
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My late husband and I were polyamorous. WE each had another partner for years I struggled at the beginning with feelings of jealousy, But worked through it, and ended up not just comfortable, but happy with the situation. Then cancer struck, and all the time consuming energy and emotions that go along with that. Our other relationships fell by the wayside. Not saying that putting our other loves on the back burner was the wrong path to take, but it was hurtful in some ways for our other partners.. who had no primaries of their own. Anyway, after he was gone, I contemplated entering into a few already established poly relationships. In the end, decided I cannot do it without having a primary partner of my own. I hate to admit it, I'm still too fragile to not to have my own support system in place. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Thanks so much for stopping by, Flannel Light. I'm glad you like it. It is a bit complicated, don'tcha think? I mean, one has their friends "on the outside" that think they know about you. Then, there's this one side of you, this almost all-consuming side of you that they never see. It makes me think of those police shows where the detectives find their phones with hidden texts from their secret "pals" on there. I often wonder what folks will find after I'm gone...the secrets, the loves, the tales I've told here... ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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hi-happy holidays-big hugs!!!!!!!!!
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