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Thoughts on the GF...and On Being a GF and a Wife
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Thoughts on the GF...and On Being a GF and a Wife  I thought about her last night. At 2 a.m. as I lay awake in bed, I even offered up a little prayer for her well-being. That sounds crazy I know. I may not like her. I may not ever want to meet her. I may never forgive her for the time she has taken my hubs away from me. I may always resent her for her demands and expectations she’s put on my hubs. But I would never wish the health problems and what she’s gone through the past year or so on anyone. Not even her. I thought about our similarities and our differences. Similarly, she has been the extracurricular other woman in my hubs’ life for the last three or four years. I’ve never been THE other woman in a man’s life, but I’ve been ONE of the other women in men’s lives. I mean, even if I have been the sole focus in a gentleman’s life at the time, 100% of the married/attached men I’ve been with this past year have had others on the side throughout their marriages [Oh the stories they tell!!  ] Knowing that, and knowing I have a moorage with my own marriage and family, I have NO expectations of the time I spend with the men I meet. I think I might be a bit of an anomaly in that. Even though I’m a solo flyer on this site, I am truly a no strings/no drama mama! I feel a lot of women, whether on this site or others, have expectations of a relationship. We women tend to go down that road; our imaginations work overtime in the “what if” fantasy department. We tend to always look to the future and what could lie ahead. Admittedly, sometimes my mind does that with the intriguing men I’ve met. But it’s a brief excursion at best. My friend, Gilfy, has done that as well. It’s interesting because she’s usually pretty practical and level-headed in most things. But she’s casually seeing a married man, one she’s known for years; way before he was married. There’s an intimacy in there that one does not have in a regular casual relationship. She told me about their latest conversation that ended with her cutting off communication for a bit. “He told me he slept with his wife!” she lamented. “Ummm, of course he did, they’re married” I thought to myself. As she related her story to me, I kind of marveled at myself for my situation in that moment. Her complaint, that he would actually make love to someone else [uh, again…his WIFE] was ironic to me. It was as if I was having a conversation with the hub’s GF right then. I wondered if Gilfy realized what she was saying and to whom she was saying it to. “I told him that if he was with me, I didn’t want him fucking anyone else!” WOW! That’s demanding, I thought. Does she really have a right to say that? I pondered it for a while. Is this an example of self-love on her part or her control issues? This is where being understanding or accepting of one’s place in the triangle is important. It’s where monogamy and non-monogamy collide. As my hubs has met others, and he tells me about their interactions/conversations [not about ALL of his interactions, tho’ I am curious…], I caution him about this aspect of women. “Be careful there! She might be expecting more than what you’re willing to give!!!” Yeah, we talk openly about the women he’s met. No, he doesn’t tell me EVERYTHING that goes on between them, but he does tell me about them. I know they exist, at least. They, on the other hand, do not know I exist; or that I am around. Recently he apologized to me for making our life so weird. I appreciated that statement. I think that was the most normal thing I’ve heard in a long time... ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~ |
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Re-posting here because I think the word stealing gremlins are up to their ol' tricks I thought about her last night. At 2 a.m. as I lay awake in bed, I even offered up a little prayer for her well-being. That sounds crazy I know. I may not like her. I may not ever want to meet her. I may never forgive her for the time she has taken my hubs away from me. I may always resent her for her demands and expectations she’s put on my hubs. But I would never wish the health problems and what she’s gone through the past year or so on anyone. Not even her. I thought about our similarities and our differences. Similarly, she has been the extracurricular other woman in my hubs’ life for the last three or four years. I’ve never been THE other woman in a man’s life, but I’ve been ONE of the other women in men’s lives. I mean, even if I have been the sole focus in a gentleman’s life at the time, 100% of the married/attached men I’ve been with this past year have had others on the side throughout their marriages [Oh the stories they tell!! ] Knowing that, and knowing I have a moorage with my own marriage and family, I have NO expectations of the time I spend with the men I meet. I think I might be a bit of an anomaly in that. Even though I’m a solo flyer on this site, I am truly a no strings/no drama mama! I feel a lot of women, whether on this site or others, have expectations of a relationship. We women tend to go down that road; our imaginations work overtime in the “what if” fantasy department. We tend to always look to the future and what could lie ahead. Admittedly, sometimes my mind does that with the intriguing men I’ve met. But it’s a brief excursion at best. My friend, Gilfy, has done that as well. It’s interesting because she’s usually pretty practical and level-headed in most things. But she’s casually seeing a married man, one she’s known for years; way before he was married. There’s an intimacy in there that one does not have in a regular casual relationship. She told me about their latest conversation that ended with her cutting off communication for a bit. “He told me he slept with his wife!” she lamented. “Ummm, of course he did, they’re married” I thought to myself. As she related her story to me, I kind of marveled at myself for my situation in that moment. Her complaint, that he would actually make love to someone else [uh, again…his WIFE] was ironic to me. It was as if I was having a conversation with the hub’s GF right then. I wondered if Gilfy realized what she was saying and to whom she was saying it to. “I told him that if he was with me, I didn’t want him fucking anyone else!” WOW! That’s demanding, I thought. Does she really have a right to say that? I pondered it for a while. Is this an example of self-love on her part or her control issues? This is where being understanding or accepting of one’s place in the triangle is important. It’s where monogamy and non-monogamy collide. As my hubs has met others, and he tells me about their interactions/conversations [not about ALL of his interactions, tho’ I am curious…], I caution him about this aspect of women. “Be careful there! She might be expecting more than what you’re willing to give!!!” Yeah, we talk openly about the women he’s met. No, he doesn’t tell me EVERYTHING that goes on between them, but he does tell me about them. I know they exist, at least. They, on the other hand, do not know I exist; or that I am around. Recently he apologized to me for making our life so weird. I appreciated that statement. I think that was the most normal thing I’ve heard in a long time... ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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That's very interesting!! I applaud you two for being able to talk about these things!!!! Just remember, he still comes home to you!!!! It's just a sex thing, not love!!!
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The triangle — for many — is a symbol of sacred geometry; balance and harmony. I'm not sure if every triangle was built with THAT goal in mind. But hey, what the fuck do I know about math? 🤔 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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Expectations is the main reason I prefer to date married women - or see couples. I've been pretty lucky though even with the ones that were single at the time we dated. There was one exception, as as soon as she was foolish enough to express a fantasy of how it would be if things changed she was history. WHAT A LOSS - she was one sexy beast!! Made It With Plenty of Help from OnHigh Its Nice to be Missed I Suppose Hobbies, on HNW [post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us
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The triangle — for many — is a symbol of sacred geometry; balance and harmony. I'm not sure if every triangle was built with THAT goal in mind. But hey, what the fuck do I know about math? 🤔  )~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Well, yeah, Separated...that's what the hubs says. At least I know about the others and tbh, I'm past the hurt and now I am just curious....hmmm, is that wrong of me? ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Relationships are weird, or at least I often find them weird. I've learnt that being unhonest - not revealing the truth - is sometimes better than being honest, but being dishonest rarely works for all concerned. If nothing else, it must be difficult to remember the lies told whereas the truth is easier to remember! 
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9/27/2021 6:26 am |
That's very interesting!! I applaud you two for being able to talk about these things!!!! Just remember, he still comes home to you!!!! It's just a sex thing, not love!!!
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Gilfy seems gullible and very naive!
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I have been as open with him as he wants. It has been like that...swinging separately. I was talking with someone today about navigating a very long term relationship. He brought up the idea that its much easier to walk away from a marriage when you are young and don't have as much to lose. It's true...there's a myriad of factors to consider when you've been married 35 years. Tolerance becomes a much better option to divorce. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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I have been with several younger married men,a few long term others just a fantasy for them,but i try to give what their wife does not,they tend to keep in touch more often,knowing how hard it is to get away,having been married myself and arranging to meet a toyboy i can see their predicament arranging time to be with me,certainly not a fool to think they not making love to their wife as well as having sex with me
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I have been with several younger married men,a few long term others just a fantasy for them,but i try to give what their wife does not,they tend to keep in touch more often,knowing how hard it is to get away,having been married myself and arranging to meet a toyboy i can see their predicament arranging time to be with me,certainly not a fool to think they not making love to their wife as well as having sex with me thanks for your comment! ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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Thanks so much J.D. I'm just realizing that I am stronger than I've given myself credit for. thanks for saying it out loud!  ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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