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Terrible times ahead
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Terrible times ahead This part of my life is difficult for me to write about. I think that is why I have been "dragging my heels" to start it. Life is about choices and hard work. My father always said "plan your work and work your plan". Some people just never have a plan. I guess that is a saying I should have remembered. I do know that I loved every thing about Steve. I am confident that he loved me as much as I loved him. I do believe that I take the blame for most everything that happened. Yet the economy of the late 2000's played a big part in the dismise of this marriage. Steve had a "high end" product. He was a hard worker and good at what he created. Yet he was young, uneducated and had never had a business of his own. When the economy flipped, it was products like his that suffered. Cars, boats, home and "toy" felt the pressure first. I know I felt it before he did. I had cashed in a "healthy" IRA to finance the business in the beginning and then cashed in a couple of Aerospace stocks to pay the 28% taxes on the IRA. I was heavy into the "dot.com" stocks and they started to fall drastically. I was stuck between a rock and a hard spot". If I sold them I would be taxed and I was running out of funds to cover that. I explained it to Steve but I am not sure he understood it. He wasn't getting the customer base that he had and that worried him and worried me even more. Like I told you all, I never argued with him. There were a few times I cried on his shoulder because I was afraid. But I never hammered him with my problem. I had a lot of Country Wide Savings and we all know what happened to that stock. I had to ride it down because I couldn't sell it before it bottomed out. I was "robbing Peter to pay Paul". I kept most of that from him. He was working on a couple of carts and asked if he could use one of my cc to pay for parts. He had never had a cc in his life so I explained it was an AMEX and I had to pay it off monthly. One of the carts was ready to deliver and he said he would pay me back. Then the customer said he couldn't afford it and that was the true beginning to the end. I was under so much pressure and then I saw he was also. He told me he had run up 9K on my card. I lost it. It all happend so fast and I just couldn't keep up with anything at that point. He came to me a couple of times and knelt down and put his head in my lap and started crying and said " I swear I will fix this". I kind of knew in my heart of hearts, that he couldn't. There were times I thought I was having a heart attack. The pressure was horrific but I didn't let him see that in me. When he made love to me, it was the only times I could relax. We were behind in everything. I told the vietnemess man that work for us that we couldn't pay him anymore but he said he would stay with us for free. We were two months behind in the rent of the shop and they were breathing down Steve's neck. Almost daily I saw a stock disappear. A college friend of mine died and I drove up to Oxnard for the funeral. At home I had 5K in a safe. I depended on that money to pay some bills. When I returned home I opened the safe to get it and it was gone. I called Steve to tell him we had been robbed and he told me he took it to buy more parts. That was the only time I lost it with him. I screamed into the phone and hung up on him. I had no place to turn too. My inheritances, my stock and know the only cash I had was gone. All I had were bills I couldn't pay. He rushed home from work and picked me up and carried me to bed. He held me for a couple of hours until I stopped crying and fell to sleep. He wanted to make love to me but I just couldn't do that. OK, I need to take a break from this because I got emotional writing it. This didn't all happen in a couple of day. I know you understand that. I will finished this segment tomorrow or on Monday. |
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High highs and low lows -- but would you trade for the life you're having?
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I know the feeling, took a giant hit after the 2008 election. Still kind of sort of reeling from that one.
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As you are without a very determined hard working woman it is a shocking blow when all of those lifetime efforts suddenly disappear..bit by bit. To be honest Judy that for me would be more than my heart could take, probably sink into total meltdown and depression..that said you seem to be made of sterner stuff so I'm not surprised you have managed to turn your life around after such a disaster. Look forward to reading the rest of the story. Big Hugs Judy {=}
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2/20/2016 6:02 pm |
These are crazy times just keep going forward
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I have always said that if everyone took the time to write there life story, there would always be highs and lows. Crazy times now for sure. Hugs to you, Judy
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