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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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Posted:Feb 18, 2022 3:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2022 2:54 pm
Coffee.... Don't fail me today!

I realized VERY quickly that I'd let go the notion of getting the Tilly Cat spayed, last summer, when I was suddenly awakened last night by the sound of my kitty howling and mewling throughout the course of the night.

"Shush Tillbot!!"

Momentary silence......

"Oh my God! Tilly!!"

Momentary silence.......

It would be quiet enough for me to just start falling asleep when she would start in again. Needless to say, I'm sleep deprived, cranky, and ready to become a cat free household.

I'd told myself the last time she went into heat that I was going to get this taken care of before it ever had a chance to happen again.


We can all see how that went.

Between trying to put everything together to see my Mighty Marine graduate and the big move in September, I'd lost sight of this problem altogether.

Shame on me! Cause, here I am now.....

Cat howling and pacing the floors, driving me fucking insane.


Lord, give me the strength to make it through this one more time.


Happy Friday!
The Shot Heard Around the World
Posted:Feb 16, 2022 4:40 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2022 3:42 pm

I bought a fresh fruit cup for my lunch yesterday.

Simple, healthy..... Strawberries and pineapple.

What could go wrong??


So, there I was, sitting at a lunch table small talking with a few coworkers that were sprinkled throughout the break room. I'd wiped down my table, washed my hands, grabbed a plastic fork from the fork basket and begun to settle in.

"So, what did you guys do last night, did you have any inkling he was coming?"

"No, I had no clue. Oh my God! I was sitting in my office....."

And, this was the magical moment.

You know the one...

The one where I wind up covered in strawberry pineapple juice in front of an entire break room full of people.

"And all of a sudden...."


In a moment that couldn't have been timed better, my fruit cup exploded open in my hand as I attempted to pull off the lid, a sound rivaling a gun shot echoing from the walls.

Fruit juice dots peppered my glasses as I looked over at the table next to me and burst out laughing.

"Only you [Secret_lade], only you...."

Removing the glasses, I grabbed a square of paper towel and attempted to wipe them clean.

That only managed to make things worse....

"Oh.... good.... God. Fuck it. So, what's going on with the rest of you? Anyone else going to wear their lunch for the rest of their day with me??"

The break room erupted in laughter and The Most Irritating Coworker on the Planet started in on the gun shot jokes.

Good news / bad news?

Good news.... Got to spend the rest of the day smelling like strawberry pineapple!

Bad news.... Got to spend the rest of my day covered in a sticky film.


What can I say. It was a Tuesday.

Happy Wednesday!
In an unexpected Valentine's Day twist....
Posted:Feb 14, 2022 11:35 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2022 1:18 am

The Mighty Marine came strolling through my office door to wish me a happy Valentine's Day.

In the words of the Mighty Marine.... my reaction was priceless. And then he laughed.

He had called me on my cell and I answered it immediately. I was in the middle of something with an employee but knew he would only be calling if it was important, it was during work hours.

"Hi Ma, are you busy? What are you doing?"

"I'm in the middle of a work thing with an employee, can you call me back in about ten minutes?"

He had said yes and we ended the call. I apologized for answering the call, but explained he was in the Marines and I knew he was traveling and wanted to make sure everything was ok.

I ended up calling him back, and asked if he'd made it to Georgia ok.

"Are you busy Ma? What are you doing?"

"I'm just at work, doing work stuff, I have a minute to talk. Why?"

And then he walked through my office door.

"Cause, I wanted to wish you a happy Valentine's Day!"

Not going to lie, it was not a beautiful, gracious, single tear streaming down my cheek moment....

'Oh, , this is the best gift ever!'

Movie moments like those only happen to your normal, calm, cool, and collected people.

Try as I might, that will likely NEVER be me.

In reality....

It was a throw your phone down, fling both arms up in the air like a goal post, mouth wide open, shocked faced, and loud scream type of moment.

"Aaaah! OH MY GOD!! I thought you were in GEORGIA!!! Oh my God! I need to get a picture!!!"

He smiled for the picture and waited patiently for me to stop repeating 'oh my God' and 'I'm so shocked'.

"This doesn't mean you're going to a conflict area, does it?? Did you get this leave because you're going to a conflict area?!?"

"No, ma, I'm not heading to a conflict area. I get this leave because when I leave here, I'm leaving to head overseas."

I told him about what had happened between the Spawn and I, and about how concerned I was when he turned off his location setting and he laughed.

"She didn't know I was coming either. It's a good thing she texted me, I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you certainly did. Best surprise ever. Now, you know, you're going to have to turn that back on because I like being able to pop in there and see where you are from time to time. Makes me feel better."

"I will, Ma. Don't worry, I will."

There are moments in time that happen throughout the course of our life where you just know.... This will be the best 'moment' ever.

Nothing can top this.

This will be the Valentine's Day that will forever go down in history as the best Valentine's Day ever, for me.

Nothing can top this surprise.

Happy Valentine's Day!!
I'm betrayed.
Posted:Feb 13, 2022 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2022 10:37 pm

You all know that I've discovered I can kind of keep track of where the Mighty Marine is on my phone.... And, yes, I DO pop in there and look to see where he is from time to time, it just helps me to know.

I had popped in there this morning to see where he was at when I discovered he was at the airport.

"Oh My God! [Mighty Marine] is at the airport. You don't think he'd just take off and not tell me he was leaving do you? Oh my God.... What if he's going to the Ukraine?!?"

Freaking out, I hurried into the Spawn's bedroom and sat on her bed.

"How do you know he's at the airport?"

"It's right here on my phone."

"Oh my GOD mom.... What's wrong with you?"

She was all snotty and it kind of pissed me off.

"I worry about him, this helps me feel better, a bit closer to him. I know if I can see him, he's ok."

Feelings hurt, I left her bedroom and headed back out to the living room and picked the remote.

"He said he's headed to Georgia."

"What?!? What did you say to him?? What did you do???"

"I told him you saw he was at the airport because you're watching him like a creepy stalker."

"Why would you do that?!? Now he's going to turn off his location settings...."

Sure enough, they were off when I picked my phone and looked.

I'd never been so mad in my entire life. Or hurt. Or felt so betrayed.

I am so very mad at her....

In my heart of hearts, there's nothing happy about this Sunday, at all.
Feel that icy chill?
Posted:Feb 12, 2022 2:27 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2022 3:53 pm
You know the ....

Middle of the night and you aren't sleeping alone.

You're sharing your bed with a bed hog, the covers have been stolen.

"What the hell is going on here?? You don't the bills here!"


"Oh, don't even think about trying to sweet talk your way out of this."

Grabbing the corner of the blanket, I rolled back over, covering my ice cold body back in the process.

Not tonight, Tilly Cat...

Not tonight!

{Insert maniacal laugh here}

Happy Saturday!
Phone calls from Don Juan....
Posted:Feb 11, 2022 3:13 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2022 2:13 pm


This is a first.

I was sitting in my office yesterday, working on the retention spreadsheet, when I got a random phone call from one of the new third shift employees.

"Hey, I just wanted to call and say hi."

Um..... What?!?

"Oh, hello."

Awkward silence, I could hear a barking in the background of the phone call and Don Juan was shushing him quietly. Nose Hairs had walked into my office, seen I was on the phone, and waited by the door for me to finish.

This guy literally just called to shoot the shit.... I had to cut the call short.

"I've got a meeting at 9, was there anything you needed me to do for you? I know I don't get the opportunity to touch base with the third shift."

There was nothing he actually needed from me, so the phone call ended.

I looked at Nose Hairs in complete disbelief.

"I have no words. Literally."

"Who was that?"

"One of the new third shift employees. He called to say 'hi'. He actually called just to have random conversation. Who does that??"

"Was it the guy who was hitting on you a few weeks ago?"

I had forgotten all about it, but it was!

"Oh My God! It was!!"

"You know what you're going to have to do, you're going to need to start wearing a wedding ring."

I looked down at my hand and tried to remember a time when I'd actually had a wedding band on that finger.... It's been a long time.

"Yah, that just feels kinda sketchy. And fake."

Not going to lie, it did make me wonder how many women out there do wear a wedding band at times just so they don't have to deal with this kind of stuff.

The bigger question is, why is it always the wrong man who chooses to express an interest in me at inappropriate times?

I may never know...
You know it's been a rough night when....
Posted:Feb 10, 2022 2:23 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2022 12:58 am

Your phone doesn't recognize you during the facial recognition thing.


So, there I was....

Moments ago....

One eye open and drool still trickling down the left side of my face trying to turn the alarm off on my phone.... Only it had come to life the moment I picked it up.

"Oh My God!! What's going on with this thing?!?"

Trying not to get mad AND trying to collect my barely conscious thoughts enough to use my barely mobile fingers to punch in a phone key was impossible.

I wanted to die in that moment just to be done with it all.

"Siri, turn the alarm off!"

The moment she said 'ok' I tossed the phone down on my bed and lay back for a moment. Chuckling a little, I gave Siri an Irish accent and I've been like a ever since, laughing when I hear her speak.

Peeling myself out of bed, I went into the bathroom to turn on the shower and that's when I notice it...

The reason the face recognition likely didn't work.

It was like something out of 'Exorcist.'

Hair standing on end, one side only.

Sheet lines deeply embedded into my face.

Eyebrow hairs above my left eye all pushed straight up.

I had to look away....

The Tilly Cat strolled by the bathroom door and even she picked up speed as she peered inside and saw me standing there.

"Oh, yah... Like you're perfect. I saw you lick your butt."

All I can say is, thank God for whoever invented the shower.

Time to erase away this nightmare!

Happy Thursday!
We all have that one coworker....
Posted:Feb 9, 2022 3:16 am
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2022 4:26 pm

That BURST of rosy sunshine amidst the doom and gloom.

Yah.... Just leave me alone with my storm cloud, Sunshine! I prefer to wallow in my misery!

"Good morning [Secret_lade]!"

I was in the restroom evaluating my level of disgust over the amount of static that had accumulated on my body during the course of the morning.

Sweater stuck to me like second skin?? Check!

Hair standing on end like I was holding a Van De Graah Generator?? Check check!!

"Good morning! How are you today?"

You could hear the myriad of static snaps as I pulled my sweater away from my layering tank top that lay beneath it.

"You may not want to walk next to me, these's no telling what kind of electrical charge I may emit."

For the first time in a few days I laughed. A good, long, heartfelt laugh.

"You know, you are one of my favorite people to work with. Every day you are so beautiful, inside and out [Secret_lade]. Even on days like today, and I'm not quite sure what's going on with your hair...."

We both laughed again as she quickly pulled her hand back after getting zapped when she tried to touch my shoulder.

"Damn you, you burst my rain cloud. I was ready to spend the rest of my day complaining and grumbling about static and work and now I can't because you brightened my day!"

She had the biggest smile and I could tell I'd made her day as well.

I dedicate this post to those rosy bursts of sunshine out there.....

Even when we don't want you to, you make our day.

Happy Wednesday!
A Blank Screen
Posted:Feb 8, 2022 2:15 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2022 3:54 am

I've been staring at this blank screen for thirteen minutes now....

It's a struggle to find things to write about when my life feels upside down. My mind is a jumble of work shit, and worries about , and just plain life shit.

Like always, I shoulder it all alone.

I often hear comments from others about how 'strong' I am. I hear them tell me how they'd 'never be able to do it all' the way I do it. I see them look at me and just assume I've always got it all.

What they don't understand is....

You can be anything you need to be when you have no other choice.

When you have no other option but to be strong, you are strong. When you are the only one there to make sure it all gets done, you do it all.

When you have no other choice, you've got it all.

I sit here this morning, with the Tilly Cat purring next to me, and remember an article I read about how cats can understand feelings and know when you need to be healed. They will stay close and they will purr.

Perhaps if she purrs long enough, she can heal this heart.

I can only hope.

Until then, happy Tuesday.
Now you see it, now you don't.
Posted:Feb 7, 2022 3:08 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2022 2:33 pm

Is it just me? Or... Did the weekend just seem to FLY by?!?


Like a bad penny, Monday is back.

And, what better way to start my day than the threat of freezing rain and the sight of US troops headed to Europe and the Ukraine.


I got news last night that my Oldest was diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis....

One of the side effects to having COVID.

I can tell he's not taking it as seriously as he should be, and that worries me quite a bit. I'd been telling him to go to the doctor since Christmas and he wouldn't listen to me.

Now he has and, he'll 'get to the pharmacy when he can'.

Not going to lie, my anxiety is kicked up a notch this morning.

What I wouldn't give for a nice little vacation right now.....

Sunshine and beach weather, fruity drink in my hand, the smell of coconut emanating from my skin.


Looks like I'll make the slow crawl to work this morning instead, traveling the icy roads. No fruity drink, no sunshiny weather.

Wish me luck.

Happy Monday!
When your Landlord wants a reason for a surprise inspection.....
Posted:Feb 6, 2022 4:33 pm
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2022 3:47 pm
I got a phone from my landlord yesterday, he wanted schedule a time come switch out my furnace filters.

I immediately assumed he was looking for a reason come on in and take a peek at the place without making it SUPER obvious. New renter.... Recent canine addition.... Cat....


They don't know me at all. They no idea I'm a clean freak, even with the animals.

"I changed my filter out earlier this week and it was just horrible. I couldn't believe my eyes."

He was slowly removing my furnace filter and asking me how I was liking the house.

"I love the house. After living in town for so long, it's been really nice to be out here... Experiencing the wildlife. Um..... Are you sure the filter needs to be changed?"

He just stood for a moment, scrutinizing the filter, then set on the floor.

"Are you using the furnace?"

At that precise moment, the furnace kicked on.


He slid the new filter in and turned at me. I could see him glancing around the place, smiling a .

Whatever concerns he'd had that brought him over were put rest. I live another day.

Happy Sunday!
Oh Friday.... So fucking happy to see you!
Posted:Feb 4, 2022 3:19 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2022 4:40 pm

Not going to lie, it's been a fuck storm of a week.

Do you ever experience those work weeks where everything just seems to be.... Live or Die???

"I didn't get my W-2! I worked there for 2 months in April and I can't do my taxes without it!!!"

Um.... Ok.

Let's clarify that.

You hired on, worked for 2 days, no call / no showed for a solid week, called to state you had COVID, received COVID pay for 10 days, then no call / no showed once again for 2 more weeks, finally getting shit-canned.

Worked.... Ha ha ha ha ha

"All of our termed employees still have access to the system for 18 months after you leave. You will need to log in, change your password, and access your W-2 from there."

"I didn't keep the app on my phone, I didn't think I needed it."

"Then you'll have to use a webpage to access the information."

"This is fucking shit!! I don't have access to computers and shit! I need my W-2, I have to file my taxes by February 14th or I can't do it for free."

"Then I suggest you keep an eye on your mail and wait for it to be received if you can't print it out from the website."

"But my address is different now! It's not the same as when I worked there."

Oh My Fucking God! What is WRONG with this woman!!!

"Again, YOU will need to log onto the website, reset your password, and print one out YOURSELF. I do not have access to that here at the store. The reason why the company allows you 18 months access after you term is for reasons like this."

"This is fucking bullshit!"


Dial tone.

Ain't she a peach!

I detest W-2 week.

Every former employee who scarcely worked, walked out on their job, listened to absolutely nothing that was said to them in orientation will now be....

Parading though my office like we are old, best friends.

'Hey, hows it going? How have you been?? Say.... How do I get my W-2??'


All I can say is, Thank God it's Friday!!

Happy Fucking Friday!!
A Public Restroom Horror Story
Posted:Feb 3, 2022 3:16 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2022 11:06 pm

What's grosser than gross?

Walking into a restroom stall and spying used toilet paper still floating in the water.

What's grosser than that?

Using your foot to flush the toilet paper down only to have the toilet IMMEDIATELY start to overflow all over the floor.


True story.

I'm one of those people who do not like to push that flusher with my hands, especially if it's low enough that it puts your face close to the toilet.


No need to go there!

I've found, during this whole COVID pandemic, that people have chosen to *stop* flushing toilets in public restrooms.

I've witnessed it first hand.

They'll head into a stall, most likely hover over the seat, do what they need to do, and vacate that stall as fast as humanly possible.... Sanitizer bottle already in their hand before they leave the restroom without washing their hands.

I'm sure the theory is, if they don't touch anything, they can't catch anything.

But, here's the thing.....

You just left a mess for the next person who uses that restroom, you nasty Bitch. Sanitizer is great any everything, but I think I'd prefer to use the hands free sink to wash those disgusting hands.

If she's not washing her hands after going to the bathroom..... Chances are, she's not washing her hands ever.


So, there I was, toilet overflowing, stumbling to catch my balance as I quickly backed up and attempted to exit the stall.

The stall with the broken lock.

The lock spun in my hand while the locking pin remained where it was, leaving me locked inside with the ever encroaching toilet water.


It was a real Incredible Hulk moment when I started banging on the stall door, at first hoping to catch the attention of a passer by, then noticing it was vibrating the locking pin back to the open position.

It was right at the moment that I had busted free, stall door flying open and me bursting forth, that one of my coworkers had heard my banging and entered the restroom.


She gasped a little and stepped back.

"Oh My God! The toilet is overflowing and I was trapped in there! I thought they fixed that lock?!?"

The look of shock on her face was priceless.

Can't wait to hear about this as it cycles through the office rumor mill.


Until then....

Happy Thursday!

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