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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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Someone scrub my eyes with Drano!
Posted:Jul 27, 2021 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2021 3:44 am

Cause, I'm having a hard time unseeing what I just saw....

I was standing up at the front of the store waiting for an applicant when I watched a very large man pull up to the door and hoist himself off the motorized cart he had been riding around in.

Oh dear God....

Apparently his jeans were unable to completely cover his ass while in the sit down position as his hairy, naked ass was exposed to the world in the bend-over position.

I can't fucking look away....

Hiking up his drawers as he stepped away from the motorized cart, I'm certain I saw his scrotum flopping around between his open legs from behind.

"Hey. You gonna put this thing where it goes? It's slow as fuck, you might want to charge it."

Yah, he was looking at me.

"Sure. Leave it there, I'll see that it's taken care of."

We'll just drive that thing around back and set it on fire....

Cause that seat is forever tainted.

Happy Tuesday!
Let's play a little game.
Posted:Jul 26, 2021 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2021 3:58 am

We'll call it...

Pain Reliever or Laxative??

I was sitting in the break room at lunch today, glasses off, rubbing my temples when coworker said to me....

"Are you ok? You look like you've got a headache, I've got some generic Motrin in my purse. Do you need one?"

While I usually turn these types of offers down, I truly trusted this person and knew they were concerned for me and genuinely wanted to help.

My head was killing me, so I happily accepted the offer.

I held out my hand and she placed a couple of pills in my palm as we started chatting about weekend plans and whether or not we were ever going to be fully staffed.


I looked down at my palm expecting the generic Motrin to look more like.... Motrin. Instead of little orange tablets I was holding little white ones.

Finally deciding it was just my eyes playing tricks on me without my glasses on, I tossed the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down with a gulp of water.

"Oh, don't take those! I think I accidentally gave you laxatives!"

She was holding two pill containers in her hand. One was a generic brand Motrin, one was name brand Motrin.

"Wait... What?!?"

Yep, you guessed it. For some reason she had put a couple of laxatives in the name brand Motrin bottle and tossed it into her purse. I swallowed down not one, but TWO laxatives on my lunch at work.

Yah... This is the absolute fucking reason I don't take stuff given to me by other people!

"Oh no, you already took them."

You could hear a pin drop in that room.

"Fantastic. I've always wanted to shit my brains out in the public restrooms at work. Everyone else does, why shouldn't I?? This is going to be an interesting afternoon."

As luck would have it, I managed to make it through the rest of the work day unscathed....

I'm still waiting for the inevitable shit storm to to rear it's ugly head.

Wish me luck!
Sunday Morning Review
Posted:Jul 25, 2021 7:13 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2021 3:00 pm

It's been a while since I've done one of these....

I found a movie called 'Spawn' this morning. Unable to stop myself, I've turned it on and started watching it.

Let's just say.... It is NOT a cinematic masterpiece.


My biggest question is, how does this Spawn hear when his ears were burned off in the fire? There aren't even any ear holes.

Truly bewildering.

All I can say is, my Spawn.... Much, much cuter than that Spawn.


On the home front I have a brand new set of horrible downstairs neighbors, once again. I don't necessarily think it's the neighbors that are horrible as much as it is the White Trash Mom that is always there. I haven't seen them, but I know it's a very young couple expecting a baby.

Today the Mom had her music blaring at 7am while she sat on the patio, smoking, talking with someone on a phone about how she brought her blanket and pillow and decided to just stay the night.


I bought the Tilly Cat a new gravity feeder a couple of weeks ago so I would be able to just leave for a day or two if I wanted to and know she would be fed and watered adequately.

I'm a lil worried I'm going to be seeing her on a TLC show called 'My 500lb Cat' before long!

Every time I turn around she's at the feeder munching away.

As convenient as it is to just fill it up and forget about it for a while.... I may just have to put it away until those times when I do plan on being gone for a day or two.

I'm not prepared to house a cat that needs an Amigo to go from it's food bowl to the litter box.

On the work front, Boss #2 has begun to exhibit a heinous case of BO. I'm certain it's due to the fact that she wears the same three blazers every day of the week, and I'm also certain these garments do not get laundered.

If given the opportunity, I think they could stand up in the corner by themselves, no human needed.

My God woman.... Get these things dry cleaned!!


On the personal front, I spent my weekend 'in' this weekend. It was a dark and stormy day yesterday.... The perfect day for naps and housecleaning, which I did both. I do love to look around at my clean apartment while I relax, it is definitely one of the better feelings in the world.

And, with that, I'll put this Sunday review to rest.

Happy Sunday!
It's 1:30 am.....
Posted:Jul 23, 2021 11:01 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2021 4:00 am

Of course I'm wide awake.

I'm sitting on my couch with the Tilly Cat purring in my ear, Joaquin Phoenix is traipsing through the woods outside 'The Village' on the TV.

I had kind of a shitty day at work today.

It seems like all of my days are kind of shitty anymore, though....

I am experiencing an unending funk that I just can't seem to shake.

You know that feeling you get when you are keenly aware that everything is changed, that nothing will ever be the same again? I feel that with my life right now and I'm having such a very hard time with it.

Not even the beach is bringing me peace anymore.

I am mourning the absence of my Boot Camp Boy so VERY much. I am pissed off at my father for dying and leaving me with a fucking mess take care of after 38 years of being absent from my life. I am hurt by the Hippie, someone I had once thought of as a best friend and partner in crime, who used my deep seated insecurity against me in my moment of weakness as I reached out him.

And I feel alone in this world.

I tell people a million times a day.... It will be ok.

But, I'm going be completely honest here....

I don't think it will be ok.
Baby mama drama...
Posted:Jul 22, 2021 4:52 pm
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2021 9:54 pm

And, I'm the baby mama.

Only, the baby in question is eighteen years old and at marine corps boot camp....

Boot Camp Boy's latest letter arrived today!

I ripped that sucker open while I was still standing at my mailbox. I can't even begin to describe the what I feel when I see a letter from him.

Pride that I have such an honorable young man for a !

Sadness because I miss him so damn much!

Joy when he shares his latest skills accomplishments!

Shame that I sometimes wish he would fail so he will come back home!

Guilt when I go somewhere or experience something fun because he is missing out!

Today I felt a hot bed of seething anger!

In today's letter Boot Camp Boy said he was disappointed in his dad because he hasn't written him a single letter.

Six weeks at boot camp and not one single letter!

The part that angers me most is, two weeks ago the Ex Husband and I already got into an argument about this very subject. He told me then he hadn't written any letters and he didn't plan to.

I thought I was going to kill him on the spot.

"What do you mean you aren't writing him any letters?!? What the fuck is wrong with you???? After everything that HAS DONE FOR YOU over the years the LEAST you can do is WRITE HIM A FUCKING LETTER!!"

I had been so mad at that moment that I fully planned on getting in my car and leaving.

"Letters from home only make you homesick. I used to hate getting letters from home."

"This is [Boot Camp Boy], this isn't you, and he wants a fucking letter from his dad or he wouldn't be asking you for a fucking letter!"

I was climbing into my car when the Ex Husband told me he would write him a letter.

So, imagine my surprise to read in today's letter that he was disappointed in his dad because he still hasn't sent him any letters.

After about a fifteen minute cry this mama caused some drama.

I hopped in my car, drove to the ex's, had a screaming fit, clearly tossed aside any ounce of dignity I once had and demanded he write his .

I even threw paper and envelopes at him.


I was a raptor ready to tear her prey to shreds. My eyes were narrowed, my lips were curled into a sneer, my hands were balled into fists at my side, and I'm certain if I'd seen myself in the mirror I'd be unrecognizable to even me.

The Ex Husband was mad, of course, and walked away from me. For as long as I've known him he has never raised his voice to me. He may say some really terrible, ugly things, but he has never yelled at me or been physical.

"I'll write him a letter."

He disappeared into the house and I got into my car and left.

I really hope he writes that a goddamn letter. I'm a little worried I might just kill my ex if he doesn't.
My headspace is full.
Posted:Jul 16, 2021 3:48 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2021 3:57 pm

There is literally NO MORE ROOM for add one more worry, insecurity, struggle, or anxiety inducing moments.


The last few days have been so FULL OF SHIT that I just haven't had time take a five minute breather let alone take the time get my hair cut or write a letter Boot Camp Boy.

That said....

Even though I was forewarned by the meme not cut my own bangs, I did anyway.

This morning.

In the bathroom.

With my kitchen sheers.

[insert nail biting emoji here}

We'll see how it turns out when my hair dries and I style it for work today. It can't be any worse than it had been looking.... If anything, this will force get in there and have an actual professional fix my mess.

My father's Brother in Law has been calling me non stop since Tuesday night.

I've grown to hate this man.

He has been asking about my father's van and hinting around that he would like to have it.

"I'd hate to see them tow it."

"I'm sure he had some tools in there."

"I know that it runs well, your dad was a good mechanic."

Any of the Michigander's know... Our secretary of state is open to appointment only visits. I have an appointment scheduled, I had to wait for a death certific and I am trying get this taken care of as soon as I can.

How is he not understanding this??

I finally told him last night that once I got the title I planned on signing it over to him. I have no need for a twenty year old van.

None what-so-ever.

The Hippie also decided to text yesterday.

Burned bridge remorse??

It is now ok, apparently, text him, call him, visit him if I ever need/want .

Uh, HELL NO, fucking asshole.

I was a little childish in my response, but it felt good saying....

"This fat bitch says not a chance. Thank you, but no thank you."

I've got enough of my own drama going on add that train wreck the mix. I just don't have it in anymore.

I can say is, thank God it's Friday today.

I wonder what fresh hell this day has in store for .....

Wish luck!
How was my day?
Posted:Jul 12, 2021 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 3:23 am

I accidentally dropped my hair dryer in the toilet this morning.....

That was the highlight of my day.


Two weekends ago I'd gotten a little too much sun at the beach.

The 'Great Peel' has now begun.....

There's nothing quite like trying to look professional in the workplace while you're MOLTING a layer of skin.
The Creative Mind of the Spawn
Posted:Jul 12, 2021 2:13 am
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2021 9:34 pm

I picked the Spawn up yesterday and we headed to the beach.

I'd been telling the Ex Husband that Boot Camp Boy has swim week this week and I was really thinking about him.

I know he's not a really strong swimmer and I hope he does ok.

Apparently the Spawn was all listening ears.

We'd been at the beach for a while when she said to me....

"Mom! I made you something!"

I'd moved my chair to sit in some shade, I could feel my skin getting a little tight and I didn't want to burn to badly.

At some point she had taken a photo of me on the sly while I was laying face down on a beach blanket, soaking up the sun.

It's a horrible picture.

She then photo shopped the picture to make it look like I was dropping down to an island, tiny parachute included.

"Oh My God! Yikes!!"

I laughed pretty hard.

"When did you did this? What am I doing?"

"You're parachuting down to Parris Island. You've got your bathing suit on to help [Boot Camp Boy] with swim week."

Um, yah.....

Happy Monday!
Work friends.
Posted:Jul 9, 2021 8:14 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 1:51 am

Where would you be without them?

Like usual, I managed to drop a spot of gravy on the front of my shirt while I was eating lunch at work yesterday.

"Saving that gravy for later?"

"Ah, shit. Why yes, yes I am. I might need a snack."

I used one of the hand sanatizing wipes from the lunch table to clean the spot.

Hmmm.... Not bad.

I don't think I can actually see it anymore.

Several hours later I was in the vestibule talking to a few people when my lunch buddy walked up, she was on her way out the door.

"I can still see the spot."

"You're doing a lot of staring at my cleavage today. Should I be concerned?"

Everyone started laughing, including me.

"I'd say take me to HR, but, you're HR."

Narrowing my eyes, I said to her....

"Watch your back lady, watch your back."

I tried to do the Robert DeNiro eye pointing thing to indicate I'd be watching her, but I started laughing to hard.

Thank God I have work....

I think it may be the only thing getting me through the week right now.

When I'm at work, I don't miss the Boot Camp Boy and worry about him. I don't think about the Spawn being gone again for another week as she's decided to go to her dad's house for a week. I don't think about going home to an empty apartment each night.

I'm busy, and stressed, and joking around with my work friends.

Work is the only thing in my life that feels normal right now....
Worries for the Boot Camp Boy....
Posted:Jul 8, 2021 3:46 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 1:56 am

Elsa has made landfall.

Several of my coworkers have been following the path and progress of her as she will be affecting Marine Corp Recruit Depot Parris Island today and filling in their thoughts and speculations.

Isn't it bad enough that I have my own concerns?

The mom in can't stop worrying even though I know this recruit base has been there for over a hundred years and they face this stuff often.

My recruit came from Gaylord, MI where we don't experience this stuff often.

He will be in my thoughts today.
Improper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Posted:Jul 7, 2021 3:11 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2021 2:44 pm

What kind of person shows up to an orientation with a wage verification form from an income based housing complex demanding it be filled out immediately or she will lose her apartment?!?

I'll tell you what kind of person...

The Crazy Bitch that was in my orientation class today.

Sometimes I'd like to be able to just tell people what I really think.

Listen here you fake blond saddle bag with eyes, it's not my fault you dicked around until the last minute to get a fucking job. It's not my fault that you're nearly homeless and it's not my fault that the company I work for has policies in place that they expect me to work to.

In no way, shape, or form am I going to jeopardize my job for you.

"I'm sorry, I'm unable to fill this out at the store level. You must use the wage verification form that was in your new hire packet."

"What do you mean you can't fill this out?!? I'm going to lose my apartment!"

"This is your first day, you aren't even showing up in our system yet. Even if I was allowed to, I don't even have access to any of your info."

Look here, you Crazy Bitch, you better just glare your fucking eyeballs into another direction because the more pissed you get at me, the less I even want to help you.

"Let me send an email to HRMS and see if they have the ability to complete this form for you."

"They better! I don't want to have to quit this job but I will if I can't get this filled out."

Um.... Yah.

The solution to your problem in your mind is quitting your job...... Then, fucking quit.

At least then I won't have to deal with your white trash drama.

Cause, you know, with people like her, this is only the TIP of the iceberg.

The Crazy Carnival is about to pull into town.

Good lord... Wish me luck!
Just call me Cinderella....
Posted:Jul 6, 2021 3:54 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2021 2:39 pm

I took the Spawn in last night to get her second COVID shot....

We were headed to the pharmacy and I managed to lose one of my sandals while I was in mid step.

"Oh, crap, lost a Jesus Cruiser."

"I told you not to wear those, they always fall off."

"My feet hurt and they're comfortable."

"But they always fall off."

Exasperated at my inability to see her point, the Spawn turned to continue her journey to the pharmacy while I turned to retrieve my sandal.

"Oh my God! It's gone. My sandal is gone."

Turning back to look at me, the Spawn and I quickly scanned the floor as it couldn't have gone far....

It JUST fell off my foot!

"Emerson Jacob, where did you get that? That's someone's shoe!"

From around the corner, I could hear a mom quietly scolding her for having my sandal.

"You need to put this back where you got it."

I watched as the cutest little toe head came rounding the corner with his little fist shoved all the way up my sandal, sorting of wearing it like a bracelet. Looking around to see if his mom was following him, he spied her from around the corner and slipped off the sandal, throwing it into the isle, and ran back to where she was standing.

Laughing, I looked at the Spawn and said "Oh my God. Go get my Jesus Cruiser before he comes back again."

It's never a dull moment.

Happy Tuesday!
The Spawn Returns
Posted:Jul 4, 2021 5:26 pm
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2021 10:58 pm

After a week and a half, the Spawn has returned.

"Oh my God mom, I was only gone for eleven days and you're falling apart."

"What are you talking about?"

"What have I told you about SUNSCREEN?!?"

I may or may not have gotten a little sun yesterday when I was at Sturgeon Bay.....

"I put sunscreen on."

"When you first GOT there??? You do this every time. When you die of skin cancer, I'm going to tell you, I told you so."

Well, hello to you too, you little stinker!

"Really, the first thing you say to me when I pick you up after eleven days is 'where is your sunscreen?'"

"That's my Love Language. You should know this by now."

What a shit!

It's my Love Language too.....

I sure did miss her.

Happy 4th and happy Sunday!

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