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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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Just move along, nothing to see here....
Posted:Feb 2, 2022 1:32 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2022 11:16 pm

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and discovered the Spawn sitting on the end of my bed with the Tilly Cat, watching TV.

I rolled over and, in my mind, said.... 'What are you doing?'

What I heard was.... "Wha#$&*" *inaudible* "here."

I swear, the TWO of them looked at me and laughed.

"Mind your business, nothing to see here."

She continued to pet the cat and I immediately fell back to sleep.

Now I'm awake, and having my coffee, and wondering.... How often do they do that??

When I was a , I used to wonder about how many other secret worlds there may be out there. My biggest theory was that we were tiny and we were being watched from the sky, kind of like you would hold a snow globe and watch it from your hands.

Now I'm wondering, is there a secret world happening right here under my roof while I'm asleep?

I may never know....

Happy Wednesday!
You can try to hide the crazy....
Posted:Feb 1, 2022 3:16 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2022 10:16 pm

The problem is, it always comes shining through.

I've discovered the most amazing thing.

I was on my phone yesterday, still trying to learn the new aspects of it all.....

When I ventured into an app that said 'Find Me'.

Thinking it was something designed to find my phone, I happily went into it and noticed I could add 'people' from my contacts.

"Definitely adding [The Spawn]. She gets mad at me every morning when I yell for her to help me find my phone!"


Started chuckling to myself.....

"I'm going to add [The Mighty Marine]. He's going to be like, what the hell??"


I was *still* in the app when suddenly their photos appeared on a map.

They had added me....

Only, it wasn't something designed to help me find my phone. It was an app designed to help me find them!

I smiled as my heart skipped beats.

On the map that contained my Mighty Marine, I could see he was in movement. His face was traveling down roads, momentarily stopping from time to time... And there I was, spending my lunch stalking my from 661 miles away.

Creepy stalker.... possibly.

I choose to see it as loving mother who really misses her . Yah. That sounds WAY better. I just need to convince my oldest to get an iPhone, he needs some stalking too...

On the mental health front....

I went to the gym for the first time in a LONG time last night.

Mentally, I felt better nearly immediately. I'd forgotten how much I really liked doing the treadmill and the gratification I would experience when I pushed past a quitting point and finished out a 45 minute walk or 25 minutes on the bike.

I've been battling some depression and anxiety again, it just seems like an unending cycle for me....

The gym time always seems to help.

Happy Tuesday!
Dream Personalities
Posted:Jan 27, 2022 3:13 am
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2022 3:43 pm

I've never really thought about it....

But, in your dreams, is your personality the same as it is in real life??

I vividly dreaming this morning, just before I woke up, and it has stuck with me because I thought it so funny.

Even in my dreams, I'm a sarcastic shit-head.

I standing in a kitchen, complaining about how messy my house and griping about how I the only person who ever cleaned. While I wasn't speaking about it, I was "feeling' that it was during a time when my oldest was in his , the Mighty Marine elementary school age, and the Spawn a baby.

I don't often dream about myself in such a realistic capacity, not do I ever dream about my ....

So this unusual to begin with.

I talking to a guy who sitting on a stool at the bar, dirty dishes were all about him. He using scissors to cut pieces off a banana and eating the pieces.

"It's not that bad in here."

"What do you mean 'It's not that bad in here'??? You're relaxing in a pile of rubble and scissoring a banana!"

We both laughed in the dream.

As i woke up, it still fresh in my mind, and I ended up chuckling about it in real life as well.

Scissoring a banana in a pile of rubble....

Sounds kinda dirty, doesn't it?

I have to say, this is definitely a welcome break from what's really been on my mind lately.

My mind has been so consumed with anxiety and worry over what's going on in the Ukraine. Before my Mighty Marine undertook this journey, when I saw this type of stuff in the news, I worried but unaffected.

Thankful for those nameless faces I'd see on the news as they departed their military vehicles, dressed in their cammies protective gear.

Ready to take action.

Now I look at this stuff.... And I see the potential that my Mighty Marine, my beloved Middle , could possibly be one of those 8,500 troops that may or may not be sent for duty.

I now see it very differently as I am now not unaffected.

I'm trying like heck to not think and worry.....

But it remains an underlying fear in the back of my mind regardless.

Something I'm going to just have to accept.

For now, I think I'll stick to scissoring bananas.

Happy Thursday!
The Sunday Morning Post
Posted:Jan 23, 2022 8:21 am
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2022 3:41 pm

It's been a peaceful weekend....

I sit on my couch, watching the new season of Ozark, and look around at my little house. It's a feeling....


You just can't put a price on comfort.

I dropped my phone on the cement floor of my office last week.

Of course it broke because I didn't have it in a case nor did I have a screen protector on it....

But, it didn't really bother me because I think I may have paid $100 tops for it. I NEVER buy myself anything expensive....

I'm a single mom.

There are SO many other things I need to worry about, having something fancy is not one of them.

If given a choice between food in the fridge and a phone to show off, I choose food in the fridge.

So, I found myself online looking for a replacement phone when I realized....

You know? It wouldn't really kill me to get a decent phone.

As much as I love and miss the Mighty Marine, there was a significant amount of financial responsibility lifted from my shoulders when he left.

It was at that point that I felt relief and guilt all rolled up into one.

Relief at the thought that.... money that once went to pay his phone bill and put extra groceries in my fridge was now just sitting in my account. After having lived for years on a shoestring budget, I've gotten so good at it that it's just a way of life for me now.

Guilt at the thought that.... This relief comes from losing my Mighty Marine.

I found myself texting the Mighty Marine and telling him my plan.

A plan that he was excited to hear about.

"You deserve that Ma. You do everything for us."

So, I did.

I found myself buying an iPhone, not the latest and greatest, but current enough that it was expensive as shit.

I'm surprised my heart palpitations didn't kill me as I was taking it out of the box.....

Fortunately for me, I lived. Also fortunately for me, I was able to take the sim chip out of my old, broken phone and put it into the new, shiny model and I was once again, back in business.

This time, however.....

This time I will be using a phone case and a screen protector.

I've longed for the day when I would feel comfort once again. It's been a really long time....

This morning, though.... This morning I wish, from the depths of my heart, that I wasn't doing it all alone. I miss having someone by my side.
This morning....
Posted:Jan 20, 2022 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2022 11:53 am

The alarm went off on my phone... I had pry my eyes open just find on the night stand.


After swatting at for God knows how long, I finally managed get stop vibrating and rolled onto my back, groaning like I'd just finished a marathon.


The urge to just lay and drift was overwhelming, but I knew I couldn't and peeled the sheets back on my bed.

My bedroom lit up like a lightning storm on the Serengeti.

"Holy shit, must be getting dry in here. I think I zapped all the hair off my legs with that one."

I looked down at the doggo as he stared up at me, ears perked, ready to pounce on the multitude of mini lightning bolts connecting my pajama clad legs and the sheet.

It's hard to believe that 3 months ago was so much moisture in here that none of my doors shut properly and I was running a dehumidifier 24/7.

Ain't if funny how quickly the worm turns...

Happy Thursday!
5 Things NOT to do in an Interview
Posted:Jan 18, 2022 10:33 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2022 6:16 pm

1. Don't talk about your messy divorce. If in doubt, that shit should remain a mystery!

2. When you are asked why you chose to leave your previous employment, don't ask "Which time?" Really??

3. An interview is *not* a meet-cute. It is not the time, nor the place, to ask the interviewer if she's from the area, what her hobbies are, or if she likes to snowmobile while she's asking you questions about your customer service skills. Pro Tip - She can't date you even if she wanted to!

4. Don't overstay your welcome. When the interview is over, leave!

5. Last, but not least.... At no point, during an interview, is it EVER a good time to ask your interviewer if she's single. EVER!

I learn a lot about people during the course of an interview.

For the most part, when I conduct an interview, I am kind and welcoming. I talk soft and present a smiling face while I ask open ended questions like....

Can you give me an example of how you were able to build a relationship with someone who is different from you?

For the most part, the applicants happily reply with answers like....

I don't understand the question.

Different how?

I'm married, I don't build relationships with others.

Ugh.... Diversity and inclusion, people.... Diversity and inclusion.

I don't hold it against the applicants when they don't quite know how to answer those questions, I use an interview guide that was provided to me by corporate minds in our HR department.

These people have four year degrees, or more, and spend their time in offices looking over legal and coming up with policy.

It's been a long time since they've been an Average Joe....

With Average Joe verbiage.

I had three interviews scheduled for today, and all three interviews spanned the whole gambit of my interview pet peeves.

Interview #1 was the sparse talker.

Getting answers from the sparse talker is like pulling teeth. They provide you with responses like, there's not much to tell, and provide limited detail answers that really give you no true insight to them.

"My best friend is Mexican. We have stuff in common so we are friends."

The sparse talker is my least favorite applicant. The interview is awkward and cumbersome and never leaves a good taste in your mouth.

Do I think you would be a good fit for the position?

Who the hell knows!?!

Interview #2 was the lonely single guy.

Interviews with the lonely single guy are the worst. Always having to get back on track as he's always going off on a tangent about some element of his personal life.

How, exactly, does your cheating ex-wife fit into the question about good customer service skills?

I get it.

I understand 100%.

It sucks being single.

But, this isn't happy hour on a singles cruise! You're here trying to find gainful employment! You are not here to pick up the nerdy office lady who is conducting your interview!

Interview #3 was the candidate with no hope.

You can tell from the moment of introduction they will not be hired. As you glean the information picked up from your open ended questions it only cements that decision.

"I'm working at KFC right now, I've been there since October. I was working at McDonald's before that but they fired me because my dad had a heart attack. I didn't think they could fire you if you were still in the ninety day period. Before that I was working assisted living but I had to quit because I got COVID."

That was just 2021.....

The hardest part about this candidate is they usually come to you with so much hope.

This time it will be different!!

I usually feel bad for this applicant because I don't job offer them. They are not a good fit for the company, to job offer them would be setting them up for failure. Another job to add to their list of past employment debacles....

And, on that note, I'll conclude my interview lesson for today.

Happy Tuesday!
Snap, crackle, pop....
Posted:Jan 17, 2022 3:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2022 3:10 am

When you bend down to pick up the bath mat and it sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies with freshly poured mil....

Ugh.... Getting old sucks!

Have I mentioned that before??

My body is especially sore today, for some reason. I literally did NOTHING all day yesterday so there is no reason for it at all!

Yet, here I am, feeling ninety and dreading the fact that I have to get moving and start getting ready for my work day.


Wish me luck! I'm going to take two Advil and start my day.....

Happ.... Eh, to hell with it. It's not happy, it's just Monday.

Today's topic? How did you NOT see that coming??
Posted:Jan 14, 2022 3:11 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2022 12:13 pm

I in my office yesterday when one of the employees appeared in my door, crying, holding a doctors note.

"[Employee].... Are you ok?"

"I'm depressed. I have so much going on right now, I'm having to shell out so much , my doctor says I'm depressed...."

She went on to tell me she hadn't been able to sleep or eat and cried the whole time.

Had this not been the third employee to show up in my office and cry today, I might have actually felt a something....

Maybe not.

This particular employee is a 63 year old woman who had married a 23 year old mail order husband from Tibet.

What's causing her depression?

You guessed it!

As soon as he became an American Citizen he filed for divorce.

I sometimes wonder how the rest of the world can see something coming but the people in the moment cannot. This particular woman *looks* like a 63 year old woman with all the aches and pains that come along with being 63. This particular man is a 23 year old man with all the needs and urges that come along with being 23.

I'm just going to be honest here....

The woman with the coke bottle glasses who just had bunion surgery on both feet is probably not satisfying those needs and urges.

He used her for citizenship.

Boss #2 had been in her office and overheard part of the conversation and came over to help me out.

Thank God....

Cause my 'Give A Shit' had given out.

I sat and listened as she poured her heart out, and really did try to empathize....

But inwardly I kept thinking, you HAD to have seen this coming. There HAD to have been signs and indicators that he not fully committed to this relationship. You HAD to have known, but chose not to see it.

I think I would have felt differently if the situation had been different.

What if he had already been an American citizen, would it have made a difference?

I'm going to say yes.

If they had met organically and there no lure of a better life in America, I would have been more apt to believe there a heartfelt foundation to that relationship, age difference and all.

I'm definitely not one to judge age difference. My ex husband years older than I . We met organically though, and spent years together....

There is one aspect to this whole situation that does pull at my heartstrings.

And, that's the aspect that I think she genuinely did commit herself to him. She put her heart into the relationship only to have it crushed when she no longer needed. Having experienced heartbreak of my own, I can't help but feel compassion for that.

Such is life....

Happy Friday!
Only at my house....
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2022 6:36 am

Can you find yourself wearing the same pedicure as the Doggo AND the Spawn.

"Look Mom, I did Blu's nails too."

"I wondered what you were doing down there. Good lord...."

"We're triplets now."

Never have I ever.... Had my nails painted just like the dog's?

Take a drink!

I guess this is what happens when you let the Spawn do your pedicure....

Happy Thursday!
Coffee and Clay Mud Masks
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 1:15 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2022 5:17 pm

It's 3:54 am, of COURSE I'm sitting here, drinking my coffee, and wearing a clay mud mask!


Eh... Who needs it anyway???

Highly overrated!

If you remember my post about the most beautiful boy, you also remember I was contemplating buying that clay mud mask.

Truth be told, I did buy it....

And here I now sit, eagerly awaiting the transcendent, glowing skin promised to me by this Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay.

I'm going to be honest, it doesn't quite feel healing.

I kind of feel like my face is cracking off.


Yep! It is cracking off. I just saw a piece of it drop down into my coffee when I took a sip.

Thankfully it's all natural.


The best part of my day today will be the look on the doggos face when he saw me for the first time wearing this mask.

Have you ever seen a do a double take, cringe back in horror, and slowly back out of a room?

I have... It's fucking fantastic!

Happy Wednesday!!
On today's episode of 'Ask Secret_lade'....
Posted:Jan 11, 2022 12:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2022 11:59 am

We'll talk about what NOT to say when trying to meet members of the opposite sex.

As you all know, it's the opening line that gets the attention.

Funny, intelligent, artfully crafted openers will draw me in every time... Long enough to catch my attention but not so long I'm reading about the best friend in kindergarten who grew up to be an eye doctor.

As a wearer of eye glasses.... I think I might actually like to meet that kindergarten best friend. I feel we may have something in common!

But, I digress...

Just keep it simple!

And, for God's sake, avoid these openers altogether!

-Are you real?
-im in town for the weekend wanna hookup
-i have 8 inces to feed ya
-I'm going through some shit, I'd like to just fuck for a while to get my mind off it.

I'm here to say, those openers?? Those openers are just a disaster waiting to happen. Nothing good can come of saying those words to ANYONE.

Especially me.

I see openers like this and and I see a smoldering dumpster fire just waiting to rage out of control. Exchange a message or two and you've got a blazing inferno of failed marriages and anger issues, topped off with a restraining order on top!

Yah..... No.

I had received one of those messages last weekend and did not respond. I was tempted to say, no I'm not real, but I didn't. I just left it unanswered and chose to move on.

Fast forward to yesterday morning when the sender messaged me again, this time with a semi-heartfelt message stating he was new to the online dating scene and he needed some help.

I felt bad for him.

And messaged him back.

I explained a few of the frustrations that I experience on the site in hopes that he could use it to better his approach, possibly help him out a little on his quest, and hoped he'd be able to use the info for good and not evil.

That backfired in my face and now this dumpster fire is burning out of control.


Wish me luck folks, I'm going to need a pretty big fire extinguisher for this one!

Happy Tuesday!
A Most Beautiful Boy
Posted:Jan 9, 2022 2:36 am
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2022 1:32 am

Have you ever taken a look at someone and your heart just goes....

Pitter patter?

Love at first sight! No words spoken, just a look, a feeling, an all knowing.

This used to happen to me often, when I was younger, not so much anymore. Anymore I am busy, and my mind is occupied, I spend the majority of my day seeing but not seeing what is all around me.

Who is all around me.

The Spawn and I went to the mall in TC yesterday. She'd seen an older photo of me, from back in the days when I used to put forth effort in my makeup stylings, and had convinced me this is something that needs to be done once again!

"Your eyes are so blue! Why are your eyes so blue?!? You should be wearing eyeliner to make them pop!"

The Spawn then went on to demand to know why I cursed her with brown eyes and called me selfish.

Oh, what a stinker.

It was while we were at Target that I spied him..... I was contemplating a clay mud mask purchase when i glanced up.

And he was looking at me.

It was as if I was frozen in place and I found myself staring back at him....

"Mom! You aren't listening to me. You really need to get new brushes. How old is your eyeshadow brush?!? You've been using it for like twenty years, have you ever even cleaned it??"

The trance was broken and I looked over at the Spawn as she continued to give me shit about my 'antique' makeup applicator brushes and lectured me on proper application.

When I looked back in his direction, he was gone. All that was left in his place was a nearly naked mannequin and a woman looking at a handbag.

But it left me wondering.....

What if?

What if I hadn't been there with the Spawn, would I have said Hi? Would he have approached me? What if our paths were meant to cross, it just happened to be the wrong time and place?

I may never know.

I do know one thing, though... The moment I saw him standing there, my heart went pitter patter.

Happy Sunday!
Mothman of Bellaire?
Posted:Jan 7, 2022 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2022 11:46 pm

Have you ever found yourself in a situation and though....

What I thinking?!? Am I REALLY this stupid??? If I could go back in time by five minutes, I would NOT be doing *this*all over again!!!

This happens to me often, unfortunately.

Take, for instance, this morning....

It four degrees below zero and there I , wet hair from the shower and pajama clad, traipsing around in my pitch black back yard with the doggo waiting for him to go potty in the snow.

He had crouched down into a squat on the other side of the propane tank when I'd seen some movement from the corner of my eye.

Whipping my head around, I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting to see but I certainly didn't expect to see a big, dark object swoop out of the tree next to me and disappear into the darkness.

My life flashed before my eyes as I immediately started pondering in terror....

Were those red eyes?? Was that the mothman?? Is this the next Point Pleasant??

"Oh my God! Holy Shit, let's go inside!"

The doggo had seen it too and the two of us were off like lightning, headed to the front porch. We had just about made it to the door when all of a sudden we heard a hoot from somewhere off in the distance.

And that's when I tripped on my snow shovel, giving myself a tiny black eye when the handle flew back up and hit the bridge of my nose.

Eyes watering, heart pounding, scratching at the screen door....

The owl hooted again from his perch and I realized, it was the owl I'd seen fly from the tree, on his way to his next destination. I'd seen this owl before, I think, perched in a tree across the road one night when it was still summer.

I hurried back into the house, regardless, this chic wasn't going to be taking any chances. I've seen enough scary movies to know, it's always the characters who hang around to investigate that get killed off first.

I'll pass on that!

Happy Friday!

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