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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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It's 2 a.m. my old friend....
Posted:Jan 5, 2022 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2022 12:49 am

Awake again in the middle of the night.

I've decided it's the perfect time to put thoughts into words....

I just wish my thoughts at the moment weren't....

Oh My Fucking God, why can't I sleep???

But, I digress.

My visit from the Mighty Marine the best Christmas gift ever, even if it did take an impromptu trip to Detroit Metro, two canceled flights, and one delay in Georgia. I have to say, when you're sitting in an airport waiting to pick up your and it's one catastrophe after another, it becomes a disheartening.

But the moment I saw him....

I will never forget that moment.

I knew two weeks would be gone in a flash so I did everything I could to be living in the moment.

Vacation time at work, spent very time online, revisited the fun memories we'd shared as a family in the past.

Just as I'd thought, two weeks were gone in a flash, though. Before I knew it, he hugging me goodbye and pulling out of my driveway to head back to where he came from.

I'm here to say, goodbye NEVER gets easier.... No matter how many times you say it.

My heart is whole, though, knowing he is safe and well and doing just fine. He misses home but he's found his new niche and is excited to be doing what he's doing.

Which makes me happy.

Happy Wednesday!
I cant find my remote... A Tale of Terror as told by Secret_lade
Posted:Jan 4, 2022 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2022 5:39 pm

I awoke in the night.... The room was dark and I was tangled in bed sheets and blankets.

"What the hell?!?"

Frustrated that I couldn't get my arm free, I flung the comforter from my body in an attempt to figure out what was going on.


The moment I flung that comforter an object struck the wall and I could hear it sliding down into the crevice between my bed and wall.


With my free arm, I quickly turned on the bedside lamp and surveyed the landscape of my room.

Too many scary movies again.

Everything was just as I'd left it when I'd fallen asleep earlier. I looked down to see that I'd managed to coil myself up in the top sheet on my bed, my legs were free but being a side sleeper my sheet had wrapped itself around my torso and bound one arm.

"Oh, shit. It was the remote."

I had started patting the bed down, looking for my remote, when it hit me....

That object?? Striking the wall next to me?? Was likely the remote flying through the air as I flung the comforter.

Ah, crap....

Why can't I just *not* fall asleep with the remote in my hand? It would certainly make life easier.....

If I did that, though... I'd not have this tale of terror to share with you all, though.

Happy Middle of the Night Tuesday!
The Mighty Marine is home at last!
Posted:Dec 19, 2021 6:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2022 11:13 pm

Even if just for a visit.... My heart is happy.

After two canceled flights and one delay in Georgia, I found myself driving the four hour trek to Detroit Metro Airport to pick up my Marine.

I will never forget the moment I saw him, for the first time, standing on that sidewalk, waving me down as I nearly drove past him in the pick up line.

I didn't recognize him.

Gone my boy and there stood a man.

The moment he got in my car all right in the world, once again. The four hour drive there and two hour wait at the airport a distant memory.

All I could think of ....

My is home at last.

The four hour drive home seemed to fly by as we talked and caught up the whole time. I heard about the big trucks he learning to drive. I filled him in on all the work gossip. We chatted about his plans to catch up with friends while he home for his short visit.

After nine hours of driving and two hours of waiting, though.... I wiped out when I finally got home. We sat on the couch for about an hour, relaxing and watching a movie, just like old times, when I finally had to call it a night.

Toothpicks couldn't hold my lids open any longer.

It the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. My Might Marine being home on Christmas is the best present I have ever received.

So, so thankful....

Happy Sunday!
Move over Bobby Flay....
Posted:Dec 14, 2021 3:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2021 6:17 pm
There's a new chef in town!

Or.... So I'd hoped.... Until I cooked my air fryer manual and cookbook.


Just when I think I'm starting to improve, I try to burn the house down... Yet Again!!

What's worse?

I couldn't figure out where the smoke was coming from because the food I was cooking wasn't burning. I had somehow managed to layer potato wedges, olive oil, tinfoil, and manuals in the pan that I'd popped into the toaster over to cook for twenty minutes.

That takes talent!

It finally hit me that I didn't see the booklets on the counter and realized I hadn't taken them out of the pan before I put the tinfoil and taters on there.... So I was cooking them too.


I could use a private tutor for culinary instruction. Any professional chef's out there who would like to take on this challenge?

It could be your biggest challenge yet!

Happy Tuesday!
There's a new man in my life....
Posted:Dec 11, 2021 3:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2021 6:18 pm
His is Blu, he's nine years old, and he likes long walks on the leash.

I had popped onto the animal control site to at the kitties, the Spawn has been bugging me get another kitty, when I saw this guy.

And I just couldn't leave him .

They had picked him up as a stray, along with another, and the two of them had been microchipped but the information had been deleted from the chips. They were likely from the home.

The other pupper much younger and easily got adopted.

Poor Blu had been for a while, waiting for me come along.

"Well, what do you think?"

I turned the Spawn had been kind of just standing , silent, while the animal control officer put on her best sales face and tried us this lovable chun You could see she giving her all.

"I can see you aren't really digging him, 's ok say so, you don't feel guilty. is someone else has expressed an interest in him, 'll be o"

I about ready say, 'show me some kitties' when she piped up.

"I love him."

I looked at the officer, she looked at me, and we both turned and looked at the Spawn.

"Ok then, I think we're heading home with a new family member."

The next half hour a flurry of fitting for collars and finding cute leashes, beds and blankets, and in-depth conversations about which toys were his favorites.

For the adoption of $45, I went home with Blu, his collar, a $25 hands free runner's leash, a $35 pillow bed, a $ fleece blanket, a brand new tube of Penn tennis balls, and his 2 favorite toys...

Not going to lie, this pupper is already spoiled.

Happy Saturday!


I'm so mad! The site strikes again and my pic was lost in the glitch. Grrr...

So, I'm adding it again. He's too cute not to share.

It's 2:20 in the morning on a Tuesday....
Posted:Dec 7, 2021 12:40 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2021 4:49 am
Of COURSE I can't sleep.


I have not been sleeping worth shit lately. Too many things on my mind.

You know, meaning of life shit.

That's the bad thing about this time of year for me. While everyone else is out there spreading holiday cheer and feeling the warm fuzzies of Christmas, I'm over here contemplating whether or not I should seek professional help for my depression.

I hate this time of year.

It doesn't help that it's dark when I leave for work, dark when I'm coming home from work, the last few days have been a veritable blizzard so the roads are SHITTY to drive on...

And I'm feeling a touch lonely.

I was driving through a whiteout on Alba Highway last night with an asshole truck right on my ass when I thought to myself, whoever is driving that fucking truck better back the fuck off!

But I also thought, if I were to go into the ditch on a day like today, there's not a soul out there that would even notice. Nobody to check in with to say, hey! I'm headed home from work. If I'm not there in an hour, come look for me.

The majority of my drive home is a cellular dead zone, I couldn't make a call for help even if I tried.

That's the bad thing about Christmas.

When you are alone, you REALLY feel alone.

I did manage to make it home just fine. The Christmas tree was on and my fresh balsam candle was lit. The Spawn was chasing around the Tilly Cat, all the while telling me about an episode of 'Hoarders' where the lady had 'a million' cats.

And everything felt normal again.

Well... As normal as 'normal' can get for me, anyway!

Happy Tuesday!
No matter how old they are....
Posted:Dec 3, 2021 1:45 am
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2021 4:21 pm

They always call Mom when they're scared.

I was scooping out the Tilly box last night when my phone started to ring.

It was the Oldest .

"Hey Ma, what's happening?"

I could hear something in his voice, he's never this chipper.

"Not much, I'm just taking care of the cat box. What's up? You sound different."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I've got COVID. I was fine this morning but at some point throughout the day today I lost my sense of taste and smell....."

And then the word vomit started.

You know.... The part where they start spilling it all, thoughts, fears, and worst case scenarios.

"I need to work Ma. I just spent sixteen thousand dollars on that property. Shit, I just met with that older couple I bought it from yesterday. They were nice people Ma! And what about Dad?? I don't want to give it to Dad, it would probably kill him. [Mighty Marine] is coming home in two weeks...."

"Hey... hey... hey.... Let's start with how are you feeling? Are you feeling ok?"

Turns out he was feeling just fine, other than taste and smell no symptoms at all. I spent the next ten minutes calming him down and and quietly talking him through next steps.

It's amazing how you can diffuse a situation just by lowering your voice a hair.

Not going to lie, I am worried about him. No matter how old a Mom is, she will always be worried about her . I've got my fingers crossed that he will be one of the lucky ones who has only mild symptoms and can recover from this quickly. '

I've worked with employees on both sides of that spectrum.....

And heard the horror stories from the ones who weren't as lucky and wound up in the hospital, scared for their life.

That is the last thing I want for anyone, especially my .

Wish us luck!
Tales from the Plump Side
Posted:Dec 2, 2021 1:39 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2022 1:12 am

The Spawn's birthday package had finally arrived in the mail yesterday.

With her Ulta gift card she had purchased mascara, lip liner, lash serum, and a lip plumping lip gloss.

"Hey Chitlin, your Ulta stuff came today."

"Eeeek! The one day I don't check the mail!!"

She hopped off her bed and snatched the Ulta bubble bag mailer out of my hand. Running into the kitchen, she grabbed the kitchen scissors and annihilated the bag.

"What did you order that your are *that* excited to get??"

Chuckling from the living room, I watching the scene unfold before my very eyes.

"Lip plumper!!"

From inside the bag a clear gloss appeared and on her lips it went.

"Well, you feel 'plumped'?"

"Just because i cursed with thin lips it doesn't mean I have to HAVE thin lips."

"What do you mean 'cursed' with thin lips?? You have my lips."

"Exactly. Need I say more?"

"O Let me try that stuff."

She standing in the bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror, probably waiting for that magical moment when her lips 'plumped'. Handing the gloss over, I grabbed it out of her hand and applied it to my lips as well.

"I'm feeling something....."

Leaning closer to the mirror, she still scrutinizing to see what she feeling.

"Holy shit! My lips are on fire!! I'm feeling something, alright. I'm feeling like I might need to rip my lips off my face."

"Oh My God Mom.... You're so dramatic."

With an exasperated groan, she rolled her eyes at me as I furiously wiped the gloss away. Not going to lie, there some plumping.... But only because my lips were red and enflamed.

"We can continue the conversation when I can start forming words with my lips again."

With one last frustrated eye roll, she closed the bathroom door with her foot.

"You're not funny Mom!"

"Love you too, Chitlin!!"

I have to say, if it's a choice between thin lips and torture gloss, I'll choose the thin lips....

Happy Thursday!
When your points total is 666....
Posted:Nov 30, 2021 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2021 9:09 am

I somehow earned some extra points.

Considering the way my day is going, I'm feeling kind of concerned....

That's not exactly a you want be sitting at.


It doesn't help that the kitty is staring at me right now like I might be the anti-Christ.

Just the head, sticking out from beneath a curtain, eyes wide, looking like she's about ready pounce at me.


I started my day by dribbling coffee down the front of my sweater.

Not once, but twice!!

The first time I did I had thought the lid was loose so I tightened down and wiped off. Certain I had fixed the problem and removed any future coffee mishaps...

I took another sip.

Again! Coffee down the sweater!

This time I got pissed off and threw the coffee out!


The rest of my day went downhill from .

's days like today that I feel lonely when I get home.

I walk into my dark house and flip on the lights. The Spawn, as usual, tucked away in her room behind her closed bedroom door. I miss the days when she was excited to see me and tell me all about her day.

I miss the days when I felt important.

Today I just feel....

Used up.

So here I am, like I often find myself, pouring my thoughts and feelings into words for others to read....

Because in my real life, is nobody listen.

Just a closed bedroom door and a cat that thinks I'm Satan.

I think I'll just... Chalk up a Tuesday.
Cherry Balsamic Pork Chops
Posted:Nov 28, 2021 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2021 12:53 am
It's what's for dinner!

Being the scary untalented cook that I am....

I have to say, stumbling upon Hello Fresh has been an amazing turn of events. A coworker had told me that he and his wife were giving it a try and I thought to myself...

Self! This sound like EXACTLY what you need!

Step by step recipe cards.... All the ingredients.... Just the perfect amount of food for 2 people!

I've had a hard time cooking for just the Spawn and I. Either she doesn't like what I'm cooking or I cook way too much and it sits in the fridge until I have to throw it out.

Such a waste....

And the grocery shopping.

I hate grocery shopping.

It's only been my first week but, so far, I'm impressed.

The Spawn and I are cooking dinner together now! And eating together in the DINING ROOM!

Plus, I'm eating foods like this...

Here's proof that the impossible can indeed, be... Possible!

Happy Sunday!

Oh, and... Let's all just kind of sweep that cutting board incident under the carpet. Nothing to see here....

Especially not that hot pad I accidentally caught on fire too.
A New Thanksgiving
Posted:Nov 26, 2021 4:57 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2021 2:07 am

This was the first Thanksgiving..... the first MAJOR holiday for that matter, without the Mighty Marine.

There will be more....

This one was the hardest, thought.

My Oldest had called up around 2pm to ask if I could come get him from work. His employee had experienced car problems at the job site and that was their only vehicle.

Those of us who live paycheck to paycheck know that working holidays means a nice big check.

Holiday pay.... Time and a half....

Even with a family they are more than happy to work a half day if it means extra for Christmas.

So when the employee couldn't get his car started my had offered to let him take the company truck. He'll likely be using the truck until the vehicle gets fixed.

"Ma, can you come to the pit? One of the machines broke and [employee] and I had to get it going again for tomorrow. His truck took a shit and I gave him my truck."

I smiled.

This pretends to be rough and tough, but he hides a tender heart.

At 5pm we sat down to dinner and FaceTimed with the Mighty Marine.

Gone but not gone....

It was the first time my oldest had gotten the opportunity to actually FaceTime with his brother so I sat back and let them chat, and chat they did.

At 7:30 my oldest had said to his brother he had to go, the roads were getting bad and he was riding with me. He handed the phone over to the Spawn and he slipped into my utility room and started to tear up.

We all just miss our marine so very much.

That's the thing about family....

Each member has their own unique niche, their own spot that they fill. When that spot is empty, it leaves a void and we are all left with a piece missing from our soul.

Right now...

Right now it's still fresh. It's hard to experience big moments without the Mighty Marine. We look at his empty spot at the table and remember those times when he and his brother would argue over who was going to eat the rest of the cooked carrots because they both wanted them.

And we feel that void.

Technology is an amazing thing though.

With each holiday that passes.... With each big moment we encounter.... It gets just a little bit better.

What am I truly thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday?

I am truly thankful to have the most amazing family, my . My Oldest who hides a heart of gold. My Middle who is courageous and brave. My Spawn who is strong and independent.

To my readers, I hope you've found your reasons to be thankful for as well.

Happy Friday!
On Today's episode of 'Cooking with Secret_Lade'....
Posted:Nov 23, 2021 5:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2021 5:05 pm
Secret_lade and the Spawn are cooking in the kitchen.

"Mom!! You're on fire!!"

I had been chopping up green onions to be cooked with the ground pork and now held the cutting board above the pan of ground pork.

"What are you talking about?"

"Aaah! You're on fire!"

Glancing down, the rope on the handle of the cutting board was indeed on fire.

"Holy shit!"

Out of instinct, I immediately started blowing on the damn thing trying to blow it out.

"You're not going to blow it out Mom! Put it in the sink!!"

"Oh My God!"

Turning on the faucet, I held the rope the stream and let the fire go .

"Who does that?!? Who puts something like a flammable rope on a cooking tool???"

"Bed Bath and Beyond, that's who."

We both burst laughing, a tiny sizzle sound was now coming from the rope.

Nothing screams family bonding moment quite like green onions and kitchen fires!

A Self-Checkout Fantasy
Posted:Nov 22, 2021 11:37 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2021 5:19 pm

Wouldn't it be nice to just walk up to a self-checkout, scan your items without complication, chuck them into a bag, and for them in under five minutes?!?

Now.... That's LIVING!

In my world, waiting in line at the self-checkouts turns into a reunion of sorts every time.

Never fails.

Take for instance, yesterday....

"Hey, fancy meeting you here."

I glance up to see a coworker who I never talk to and rarely ever see. Yet, here he is, sidling up to to chat at the self-checkout.

And there I am, standing there, holding a box of tampons, a box of pads, a makeup compact, and a Slim Jim.


"Hi. Had to pick up a few things after work."

Dear God.... Please let this guy just go away.


Glancing down at all the stuff in my arms, I could see his eyes moving back and forth as he started to read the words on the box of pads in my left arm.


"Oh, I'm up. It was good talking to you! I'll see you at work."


I was already speeding up to the finally open self-checkout, I couldn't be more uncomfortable if I'd shown up for school naked and without my homework.

I can't believe he read the box....

Happy Tuesday!!

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