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5 Elements of a Successful Zoom Meeting
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5 Elements of a Successful Zoom Meeting 1. There should always be, at minimum, four subject matter experts present the information. One expert that has literally no idea what he is presenting and three others who are completely incapable sharing their screen. This will add, at minimum, 15 minutes the length of the presentation as they chat back and forth asking whether or not we can 'see their screen'. 2. Every successful Zoom Meeting should be attended by at least 60 individuals all in various states of work. At minimum, ten of them should neglect put their computer on mute so the rest of the audience can hear them crunching on snack foods, yelling at pets and , and burping and groaning in the background. 3. At least two members of the audience should be brown nosing, attention , over achievers who want add or clarify every fucking statement made. Their web cams will be on and everyone attending the meeting will be forced watch them as they lean into their laptops 'clarifying' the subject matter expert with information the rest of us already know. They haven't made their point until the rest of us can see up their nostrils. 4. The Subject Matter Expert with the most knowledge and best understanding of the material being presented will have the most trouble with their computer. Audio will disappear, their screen will freeze, and they will lose their connection at least twice during their presentation. This presents an opening for the least knowledgeable expert to ask if anyone has any questions he can answer, then answer them all by saying "Let's put that in the parking lot and ask [missing expert] when they're back online." 5. The Zoom Call should end as haphazardly as it started. The 60 members of the audience should all simultaneously unmute their computers and ask questions at the same time. Who gives a shit about a chat function?!? The Presenters will have run out of time as the call went long and they have another one to attend for a different region of the company. The annoying woman who had been loudly crunching on chips through the whole call will have reached the end of the bag and will be pouring the crumbs into her mouth on webcam for all to see. And, there you have it folks! The five elements of a successful Zoom Meeting. Personally, I prefer to be the silent observer on these things.... Camera off, multi tasking, only using the chat function if and when I have questions. Happy Zooming! |
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well, at least I'm not alone now, add another these factors consider having staff in India on the line consider some calls being taken at 8:00 pm at night to avoid these issues when I am the presenter: all lines are muted, except those speaking chat is encouraged for questions, rather than voice presentation is sent out in advance agenda with timings is furnished on calendar invite at least, it gives one a chance pièce de ré·sis·tance - "Record the meeting" (this usually takes care of unprepared individuals) good luck!!! The Commodores - "Zoom" I may be just a foolish dreamer But I don't care Cause I know my happiness Is waiting out there, somewhere I'm searching for that silver lining Horizons that I've never seen Whoa, I'd like to take just this moment And dream my dream, whoa dream my dream Whoa, zoom, I'd like to fly far away from here Where my mind, oh Lord, is fresh and clear And I'll find the love that I long to see Where everybody can be what they wanna be Whoa, I'd like to greet the sun each morning And walk amongst the stars at night I'd like to know the taste of honey In my life, in my life
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well, at least I'm not alone now, add another these factors consider having staff in India on the line consider some calls being taken at 8:00 pm at night to avoid these issues when I am the presenter: all lines are muted, except those speaking chat is encouraged for questions, rather than voice presentation is sent out in advance agenda with timings is furnished on calendar invite at least, it gives one a chance pièce de ré·sis·tance - "Record the meeting" (this usually takes care of unprepared individuals) good luck!!! The Commodores - "Zoom" I may be just a foolish dreamer But I don't care Cause I know my happiness Is waiting out there, somewhere I'm searching for that silver lining Horizons that I've never seen Whoa, I'd like to take just this moment And dream my dream, whoa dream my dream Whoa, zoom, I'd like to fly far away from here Where my mind, oh Lord, is fresh and clear And I'll find the love that I long to see Where everybody can be what they wanna be Whoa, I'd like to greet the sun each morning And walk amongst the stars at night I'd like to know the taste of honey In my life, in my life To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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LOL. 😂😂😂. Wonder if that woman is much better than my ass snoring through a week long virtual certification class. We were asked to have webcams on and my picture was my very white business cards on my white desk with the brightness as high as possible. If I had to suffer... And it is so so annoying when some idiots want to show off their kids or some such crap over zoom. Like ma’am, we are trying to get these people to hurry the fuck up;NOBODY wants you to waste 5 minutes showing us you rocked at the reproduction game. 🙄 I miss when my boss didn’t know how to use zoom and just called to give a brief summary of what they wanted and then sent an email summary.
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10/23/2020 10:19 pm |
LOL. 😂😂😂. Wonder if that woman is much better than my ass snoring through a week long virtual certification class. We were asked to have webcams on and my picture was my very white business cards on my white desk with the brightness as high as possible. If I had to suffer... And it is so so annoying when some idiots want to show off their kids or some such crap over zoom. Like ma’am, we are trying to get these people to hurry the fuck up;NOBODY wants you to waste 5 minutes showing us you rocked at the reproduction game. 🙄 I miss when my boss didn’t know how to use zoom and just called to give a brief summary of what they wanted and then sent an email summary.
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My favorite are the meetings attended to talk about upcoming meetings.... Or the meetings designed to talk about the clearly defined, black and white process changes. Stuff that can be taken care of in an email!
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i am camera off and multi-tasking.... one of the bloggers here takes great selfies of us when we dine out. so i have this awesome cropped headshot of our meal out last year. (she lives in another part of the county.) but i like to look at everyone's cams. like today i noticed one of the guys was zooming from his back porch. what was odd was my manager wasn't in on the zoom. i think he is in a tree hunting. and he's usually the first at a meeting and starts it on time. so those of us who know that logged in early and were like.. um... where is management? finally someone in management showed up and said we really didn't have anything to talk about. these weekly meeting usually take 1H. i now regret i didn't go grocery shopping instead of missing this meeting...
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I retired before zoom became a thing. Glad I did because I always had my hand do the jeack-off motion when the brown-nosers were speaking on the corporate conference calls. Couldn't help it, it was an auto-response. This, after the 10 minutes of mute/unmute tones beeping in my ear as new folks joined the call.
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my zoom meeting boring nothing happen plus everyone on mute.
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You forgot to mention never participate in two zoom meetings when your playing with yourself on one and forget where you are. Sorry CNN just had to add that one at least you had some news that day.
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Spot on - write an idiots guide to zoom 
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i am camera off and multi-tasking.... one of the bloggers here takes great selfies of us when we dine out. so i have this awesome cropped headshot of our meal out last year. (she lives in another part of the county.) but i like to look at everyone's cams. like today i noticed one of the guys was zooming from his back porch. what was odd was my manager wasn't in on the zoom. i think he is in a tree hunting. and he's usually the first at a meeting and starts it on time. so those of us who know that logged in early and were like.. um... where is management? finally someone in management showed up and said we really didn't have anything to talk about. these weekly meeting usually take 1H. i now regret i didn't go grocery shopping instead of missing this meeting...
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I retired before zoom became a thing. Glad I did because I always had my hand do the jeack-off motion when the brown-nosers were speaking on the corporate conference calls. Couldn't help it, it was an auto-response. This, after the 10 minutes of mute/unmute tones beeping in my ear as new folks joined the call. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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10/23/2020 5:21 am |
my zoom meeting boring nothing happen plus everyone on mute.
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You forgot to mention never participate in two zoom meetings when your playing with yourself on one and forget where you are. Sorry CNN just had to add that one at least you had some news that day.
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Spot on - write an idiots guide to zoom
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I'm still attending these meetings from my office at work.... So.... I do need to be fully dressed and not touching places not meant to be touched in public. LOL It's only the corporate officers who have the luxury of working from home as their part of the state is still on lockdown for non-essential workers.
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Damn. I’ve never zoomed. I feel like I’m losing out on comedy gold. And I must say, mad props for this blog entry. Love love loved it! Your gift for acerbic wit amuses me to no end. This smart ass would bow but hey I’m also jealous spiteful sort. (Not really but I wanted to end this on a snark filled note)
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We just get long, rambling, confusing emails, and then spend the rest of the day clarifying the message. At least Jeffrey Toobin was trying to make the best of it.
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10/23/2020 2:53 am |
We just get long, rambling, confusing emails, and then spend the rest of the day clarifying the message. At least Jeffrey Toobin was trying to make the best of it.
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Damn. I’ve never zoomed. I feel like I’m losing out on comedy gold. And I must say, mad props for this blog entry. Love love loved it! Your gift for acerbic wit amuses me to no end. This smart ass would bow but hey I’m also jealous spiteful sort. (Not really but I wanted to end this on a snark filled note) My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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