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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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Dear Redneck in the giant black truck with the LED high beams who 'brights' me every morning....
Posted:Nov 4, 2021 3:12 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2021 4:13 pm

It warms my heart, it truly does, that you can see the leg hairs on a gnat from 300 yards when you're revving your loud assed truck over the top of that hill.

It's truly fucking amazing!

The problem is, when you're 'brighting' us all on your way down that hill, we can see the inside of our skulls when we shut our eyes. It's not really going to make a difference whether or not you can see those fucking leg hairs on that gnat when you've been smashed into because nobody can see beyond those solar flares coming from the front of your pick'em-up truck, Cletus!!


Secret_lade and the Crew who are unlucky enough to encounter you on the road every single morning.
What do you do with your spare time?
Posted:Nov 3, 2021 3:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 3:27 pm
I was in my office preparing for the upcoming orientation when my phone dinged that melodious little ding it does when I have a text.

"Oooh! I wonder who it could be from??"

I was talking to Nose Hairs as one of the employees attending is slated to be in his department.

I pulled out my phone....

I touched on the text icon....

I saw this....

Apparently the Spawn has WAY too much free time on her hands after school.

It's a Cat in a Bread Hat!

Happy Wednesday!
Disposable Human Beings
Posted:Nov 1, 2021 4:46 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 3:16 am

are times when I feel as though I've been used up and tossed aside.... Discarded like one of the Spawn's juice containers with the straw half chewed, left to idly sit until someone returns get those last few drops of liquid from that chewed up straw.

my ex husband, I'm a disposable human being.

One day, he will not the hide behind and be such a cruel asshole me. When that day comes, I hope he languishes in his bitter misery.

I picked the Spawn up tonight after work and she hopped into the car with two grocery bags full of snacks.

"What is all that?"

"Dad bought me snacks. He said you can't any, so don't even think about ."

"I wasn't going *eat* your fucking snacks!" (Yah, I was pretty salty in my response.)

"You know dad, he doesn't like...."

"He doesn't like WHAT?!? FAT PEOPLE?!?"

Oh my feelings were so, so hurt......

We sat in silence for a good, long moment.

I could hear her sniffling, she really didn't mean hurt my feelings, but she had. I hate that fucker for showing her what 's like be a callous, hateful human being. I hope she can remember, going forward, that everyone has feelings.

Even me.
I always feel like somebody's watching me....
Posted:Oct 31, 2021 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 11:55 am

Since this is the first Halloween in twenty seven years that I did not ANY at home, I wasn't quite sure what do with myself.

Watch movies? Take naps?? Eat snacks???

I wound up turning it into a 'Me' day and doing all the things I end up not doing because I never seem to the time anymore.

I was deep into hour two when I ran myself a nice, bath. I could hear Jamie Lee Curtis off in the background screaming as I sat emerged in eucalyptus wonder, head back, wash cloth covering my eyes.


Not expecting hear a cat meow right into my ear, I jumped a , ripping the cloth from my eyes and finding myself eye eye with the Tilly Cat.

"Aaah! You scared me."

Her front paws were up on the edge of the tub and she was skeptically eyeballing the water.


I think she was actually worried about me, she put her paw on my shoulder before hopping down and heading into the living room.

For the next twenty minutes she paced back and forth between the living room and the tub, meowing at the water like it was about to come alive and consume us all.

Perhaps she knows something I don't know.....

It is Halloween, after all.

Happy Halloween!
Spontaneous human combustion?
Posted:Oct 31, 2021 2:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 4:42 pm

Or hot flash?

Every fiber of my being is hoping for spontaneous human combustion....

Unfortunately, I think it's hot flash.

I was dying when I woke up yesterday morning. Untangling my legs from the sheets that were wrapped about them, I slid off my bed and stumbled in the bathroom. Certain I would see heat lines emanating from my body when I looked in the mirror before .....

There were no heat lines, just tiny little sweat beads along my hairline and above my upper lip.

For a while now I've felt like I'm transitioning in a whole new phase of my life, one that I'm not ready face.

Grey hair...

moving on...

Red faced, sweat beaded, hot flashes...

But, I'm facing it none-the-less.

I hopped in the shower and cried a little while the cool water cooled down my body. I can already tell, I'm not going handle this hot flash thing very well.

Wish luck! That was only hot flash number two and I already wanted die.

Happy Sunday!
Public restroom? Or cesspool from hell....
Posted:Oct 28, 2021 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2021 2:38 am

You be the judge.

The restroom at work has taken on an all time low. Dried boogers wiped on the walls, flies buzzing overhead, overflowing trash can spilling out into the middle of the floor....

I have been in port-a-johns that were in better condition.

The sad thing is, we have a third party cleaning crew that 'supposedly' cleans these bathrooms EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Yah.... I'm going to say, NOT!

When the stench from the women's restroom makes your eyes water and your nose hairs curl, you've got a problem.

I was in my office talking to an employee when I happened to see a fly buzz past me and land on my wall.

"Oh my God! There is a fly on my wall!! What if it's one of the flies from the bathroom!!!"

The employee, also a woman, knew exactly what I was talking about and burst out laughing.

"Well, there's only one way to find out. I'll be right back."

I managed to scare the stupid thing out of my office, but I know it will be back. They always come back.

"Well?? Are the flies still in there?"

They employee had returned and she was still laughing.

"You're safe, the flies are still in the bathroom. Someone is going to have to put a fly strip up in there, I think they're multiplying."

Nothing says Million Dollar Company like a ladies room you can smell from twenty feet away and a swarm of flies to greet you at the door.

It's a sad state of affairs, I tell ya!

Happy Thursday!
On today's episode of 'What the Fuck Wednesday'....
Posted:Oct 27, 2021 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2021 3:36 pm

I didn't sleep very well last night....

So by the time I got work I was already cranky and feeling tired. The last thing I wanted see standing outside my office was a line of people waiting for get work "help" them with their various shitty needs.


Let's top that with an orientation, an employee suffering from a panic attack, and another employee who was having suicidal ideation and I was ready to leave this day on the cutting room floor.

Good God....

I've never had someone come to me to tell me they were feeling suicidal so I was completely unprepared.

What do you do? What do you say??

I called for help immediately, thankfully Dan the Man was able to break away and take over. He'd experienced this before at a previous job so he kind of knew what to do.

I did manage to have a bright spot to my day today, though.....

Not only did my Oldest call me, but I also got a call from my Mighty Marine as well.

This Mom's heart is bursting with pride.

Happy Wednesday!
The OVER vs UNDER debate is solved!
Posted:Oct 25, 2021 3:18 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2021 2:35 pm

At least, for me it is anyway.....

I have a morning routine.

Every morning.

I wake up.... I lay in bed for a few minutes cursing my body for the aches and pains I feel... Then I get up an pee...

Sometimes I don't have time to do the first two, and I immediately get up and pee.

Today was one of those days.

Imagine my surprise, in my half asleep state, when I went to grab the toilet paper and pull off a handful only to discover I would wind up with half a roll all over the bathroom.

Since it had been unseasonably warm in my area, my furnace has hardly run since the move.

Up until now, it had never been running while I was in the bathroom....

I discovered today one interesting flaw in having a furnace duct right beneath the toilet paper holder that is attached to the wall.

I reached out, I grabbed a square and started to pull.... Only to discover the air coming from the furnace vent could create an upwind strong enough to send that toilet paper sailing, sailing all over the bathroom.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Make it stop!"

It was a parachute of toilet paper in a matter of mere moments, when loaded in the 'over' method, there wasn't enough resistance to keep the TP in place and it continue to stay in flight.

Finally realizing what was happening, I grabbed what was left of the roll and stopped the unwind.

From this point on, 'under' it is!

Happy Monday!

*I'll just head off to roll that TP back up on the roll now.....
Hamburger Soup.... It's what's for dinner!
Posted:Oct 24, 2021 5:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2021 4:10 pm
I was glancing through my Crockpot cookbook last night when I saw the recipe for Hamburger Soup.

Thinking to myself.....

Self! You can totally make this!

I set out to make myself a pot of Hamburger Soup. I think next time I'm going to tweak the recipe though....

Leave out the Italian Seasoning and add green beans.

Happy Sunday!

Phone calls from the Mighty Marine....
Posted:Oct 23, 2021 5:30 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2021 1:40 am

The Spawn and I decided break out of the house and head TC day.

I have say, the drive from Bellaire Traverse City is beautiful when the f colors are everywhere....

The best part of my day was hearing from my Mighty Marine, though.

We were in Old Navy when I seen his na pop up on my cer ID.

"Hi Babe! I'm so happy hear from you!!"

I still rey miss him so, so much.

"Hello Mother!"

He has liberty ti on weekends, now.... And he was excitedly telling about his "civies" that he bought and how excited he was that he can walk and talk on the phone and wear his ear buds out in public.

Apparently when they're in their "cammies", they aren't owed do any of that.

It made smile hear him laughing and talking with friends while he chatted with on the phone.

They were on their way the bowling ey...

I would have given anything bowl a fra with him.

Usuy when I talk my Marine, I feel better when the conversation is done. day I did not... day I wished he was ho.

I still have good days and I still have not so good days.....

day was a not so good day.

I can think of is, if I'm this broken up about a middle leaving the nest, what am I going be like when the Spawn leaves as well??

I may need be institutionalized.

We'll save those thoughts for another day....

Until then, happy Saturday!
"I saw this and thought of you!"
Posted:Oct 22, 2021 2:06 am
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 4:29 pm

Nose Hairs was pulling out his phone and searching for a picture.

"I saw it on [faceplace] market place this morning!"

It was a picture of a cat wearing a bat costume.

Not going to lie, it was cute and did crack me up. I even felt disappointed when I couldn't actually find the stupid thing to place an order for it.

Damn him for showing me the Cat in a Bat!

Looks like I'll be scouring Amazon for a bat costume.

Happy Friday from the Crazy Cat Lady!
The Country Life
Posted:Oct 21, 2021 1:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 8:47 am
Yesterday marked the one month date.

One month ago yesterday I spent my first night in the new house.....

It's been quite a change.

As I was pulling up into my driveway after work last night, I could see the bunny who lives in my backyard hopping around, checking it out to see who was in the driveway before he hopped back in the underbrush and out of sight.

I'm a little worried about this guy....

Winter is coming soon, what happens to these little guys when the snow flies?

I got out of my car and circled around to the passenger side, I'd picked up a few things after work and had to grab my purse, when I heard some rustling from behind me. Turning, expecting to see Bugs again, I was surprised to see a deer standing back there, looking me over with her head cocked.

I certainly wasn't very quiet as I maneuvered into my purse with an arm full of plastic grocery bags to grab my cell phone and snap a pic, but she just stood right there, moving her head around to get a better look at me.

I'd venture to guess, this would be one of my late night visitors when I first moved in.....

She was still standing there when I headed into the house, depositing my bags on the counter, and writing a note for myself to text my garbage guy about the packing boxes in my shed.

Yah, you read that correctly!

I went with the local garbage company and you literally text the owner directly with your wants or needs.

How crazy is that??

I think that has been the biggest change for me, the fact that everything is done on such a personal level. When the Spawn's bus is running late, I get a text from the bus driver. When I need a container to haul away my packing boxes, I text the garbage guy to see what my options are. When I'm out in my yard and one of the neighbor ladies drive past, they beep and wave Hi.

Not going to lie, I'm still getting used to seeing the random bugs from time to time, and the noises that go bump in the night still freak me out until I can figure out where they're coming from, but I'm really glad I made this change.

Happy Thursday!

Have you seen my boobs?
Posted:Oct 18, 2021 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 4:32 pm

If you know me in real life, today you probably did.


I was all over the store doing my Monday stuff when one of my new hires showed up early for onboarding.

"Hi, I'm [secret_lade], are you here to onboard?"

"Yes, sorry I'm early. You weren't in your office when I first got here."

"That's ok, we'll just get started early."

"This is a awkward, but I think I should tell you your shirt is unbuttoned in a bad spot. I can see stuff."


Looking down I could clearly see what she was talking about.

"Oh My God, why didn't anyone TELL me this earlier???"

I had managed to button the buttons, but this shirt had a hidden on meant keep the seam together in the chest area so you didn't button the top button at the neck.

I'd missed the .

Which meant every time I made any sort of movement the top of my shirt came open exposing nearly, if not all, of my brassiere encased chesticles.


"If helps, that's a cute bra."

"Um, nope, doesn't help."

wasn't much else I could do but roll with it and laugh. I snapped the top snap and said to the new hire....

"So, yah, welcome to the team. "

Happy Monday!

To link to this blog (secret_lade) use [blog secret_lade] in your messages.

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