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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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The Unpack Continues
Posted:Oct 16, 2021 4:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2021 3:43 pm

I wound up taking a three hour nap this afternoon, but I'll tell you what, I felt like a new woman after I woke up.

I hadn't been sleeping well so I knew I was over-tired, I just didn't realize how much.

Naps are amazing, I tell you....

With all the renewed energy I was feeling I decided to tackle a couple of laundry baskets that had been sitting on the cabinet in my utility room. Neither of them contained actual laundry, both of them were full of stuff that had just been shoved in them and hid in my closet at the apartment for years.


I found VHS tapes, size clothing, and undeveloped film rolls from God knows when....

If it had been buried underground it could have easily passed for a time capsule.

The clothing I weeded and threw away, but the film and tapes I saved for another , a when strong enough to revisit the past.

For the moment, I'll be happy texting my Might Marine on a lazy Saturday night while I do laundry and he brags about how SWOL he's getting at the .

Happy Saturday!
A Stinkbug Horror Story
Posted:Oct 14, 2021 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2021 12:36 am

I was tired, this morning, when I first pulled myself out of bed.

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I stumbled into the kitchen and started setting up the Kureg to make myself a cup of coffee.


I had backed up a step to throw the old coffee pod into the trash when I heard a loud popping sound from beneath my bare foot.

Glancing down, I saw a a glob of green liquid on the floor about four inches from my heel.

"What the hell??"

Trying to figure out where it came from, I picked up my right foot and glanced under it.

"Oh my God! Ew!! Oh my God!! Ew!"

on the floor, right before my very eyes, was a squished stink bug, leg side up.

I had managed not NOT notice this stink bug on the floor in my kitchen but I had also managed step on with my bare feet and NOT NOTICE I had done so!

Every part of me wanted wither up and die as I cleaned up the crime scene with a paper towel.

I may need some therapy for this one!

Happy Thursday!
The Bait and Switch
Posted:Oct 13, 2021 1:58 am
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2021 3:10 am

Anyone who makes the attempt to communicate with anyone else from this site has fallen prey to this particular individual at least once.

It's the old....

'If you'd like to talk sometime, just to get to know each other' ploy, 'nothing sexual.'

Nothing sexual my ass!

I was feeling bored last night so I decided to test out the waters. I was not disappointed.

Five texts into the conversation the guy was asking me about my pajamas, hinting around that he would like to ask me for a picture but didn't want to 'waste his time and mine'.

Like usual, I avoided going down that road of conversation, I certainly don't plan on sharing that kind of shit with randoms I don't know and will likely never meet.

"You seem conservative."

And, I thought about his observation for a moment.

He was right. I guess I am kind of conservative. I had responded back to him that yes, I suppose I was conservative until I got to know the real personality of the person I was 'trying to get to know'.

Perhaps the continual, repeating cycle of coming into contact with the same kind of guy on here has tainted me in a way. I've gotten to a point where I feel like most of the men who reach out to me on here are like this guy....

They don't really want to get to know me, they just want an easy, random fuck and this is their new pick up line.

The problem is, I'm not an easy, random fuck that is content with just being used for sex.

The conversation ended not long after that.... Not in a bad way, it had just run it's course. He wasn't really interested in 'getting to know me' and I wasn't really interested in sexting with him.

But, it left me wondering.... Am I seeking out the type of guy who just does not exist anymore?

Thoughts to ponder.....

Happy Wednesday!
If given a choice....
Posted:Oct 12, 2021 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2021 4:36 pm

I'd pick shoving a dried out corn cob up my ass before watching the movie 'Anaconda' ever again.

Now that's 89 minutes of my life that I'll never get back again.

I've gotta wonder....

Just how in the hell did they get so many notable actors to star in such a cheesy movie??

Good God....

Between Jennifer Lopez's lack of eyebrows, Owen Wilson's yellow hair, Ice Cube's stereotype role with the ghuetto blaster, and the tacky 'romantic' scenes and writing intermingled with imminent danger, I didn't know whether I wanted to poke my eyes out or vomit.


Note to self: Do not listen to coworkers when they say to you... "What do you mean you haven't watched that movie?!? It's awesome!" They lie.

Happy Tuesday!
Nature Walks with Secret_Lade
Posted:Oct 10, 2021 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2021 3:26 pm
I've been driving past this place for the past three weeks, thinking myself, I need that out.

So, today I did.

No loons.... Just this.


On the plus side, I did get a nice walk in, on a beautiful day, at a pretty lake.

Country Mouse signing out....
Picture if you will....
Posted:Oct 10, 2021 3:11 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 4:10 pm

A sight so disturbing you sit frozen in fear, the urge scream embedded deep in your chest, struggling break free.

I had just settled in this morning, remote in one hand, coffee in the other.

And then I felt it, the feeling.

You know the feeling...

The feeling that you are being watched without your knowing. Taking a sip from my coffee, I glanced into the kitchen, not quite sure what I was expecting to see.


Sitting the cup down on the stand next to , I glanced into my bedroom, steeling myself for God only knows what to be looking back at .


Beginning feel like a complete moron who has watched way many scary Halloween movies already, I held the remote out turn the TV.

And that's when I saw them....


A lone set of eyes were peering back at from inside the storage cube below my TV.


The cube was pushed the way in, the eyes peering through the small space between the top of the cube and the stand that encased it.

In my minds eye I was picturing all sorts of terrible shit.

Creatures.... Entities.... Poltergeists....

Pulling my feet off the floor and covering my legs with a pillow, the Tilly Cat popped her head out of the cube and meowed out .

" My God! You scared the SHIT out of !"

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it. She hopped the rest of the way out of the cube and casually strolled over the couch where I was curled in a panicked ball, rubbing her head the pillow and climbing into my lap for a snuggle.

There's nothing quite like a Sunday morning jump scare....

Happy Sunday!
An earwig story.
Posted:Oct 8, 2021 11:51 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2021 3:27 pm

When I got home from work today I noticed a glass had been placed on the floor, turned upside down, randomly sitting in the middle of the kitchen.

"What the hell?!?"

Alien activity?


Break-in gone weird???

I knew that the Ex Husband was going to be picking the Spawn up after school today, it was his weekend with her, so she wasn't home now, it was just me and the creepy scene.

Certain I was about to walk up on a crime scene of some kind, I slowly approached the glass and peered down into it through the bottom of the glass.

Imprisoned inside the glass was a giant fucking earwig.

"Holy shit! Oh My God!"

Apparently the Spawn had come home from school and spied this monster in the middle of the kitchen. Afraid it would fight back if she tried to kill it, she left it for me to deal with when I got home.

She's a peach, ain't she?

Not going to lie, earwigs creep the hell out of me.

Looks like I'll be living with an earwig under a glass in my kitchen for a while.....

At least until it breaks out and goes on a three room terror spree.

Wish me luck!

Happy Friday!
Sleep eludes me....
Posted:Oct 6, 2021 11:06 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2021 11:05 pm

It's 1:20 am, of course I'm wide awake.


What do I do when it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep? Not what I want be doing....

I find myself laying in bed, kitty curled at feet, watching 'Bob's Burgers' while I peruse a sex site looking for blogs that catch my interest.

It's an exciting life I lead!

I think next I'll watch some paint dry while I alphabetize my spice rack....

Ha! Like I own spices!

Since I was stuck at home for a good portion of the day yesterday, I wound doing some unpacking and hanging paintings and pictures for a good part of that day.

It's amazing what a few wall hangings can do the feel of a room.

each new day passes this place feels more and more like home.

Granted, it was a pain in the fucking ass when my battery was dead and everything felt like a debacle.... When I lived in Gaylord I could have picked the phone and called the Ex Husband, Oldest , or just posted on the FB that I needed a lil help, and it would have been an easy peasy two minute trip help .

What did I learn from that debacle?

I learned that I can do it!

Not only did I not break down and ugly cry, I also didn't freak out and give . I got my car started, knew enough that the battery was not holding a charge so I needed replace it right away, put the fully charged jump box in my car in case I needed it the trip the auto parts place, and I got my battery replaced.

Mission accomplished!
Posted:Oct 6, 2021 5:21 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2021 5:08 pm

It's a funny thing....

All perspective. If you feel like you're experiencing good luck, you are. If you feel like your experiencing bad luck, you are.

So, I talked to an old friend that I had bumped into at the store yesterday and he filled in on how bad he's felt his luck has been.

Flat tire, leaking transmission fluid, power steering going out....

And that was just over the course of the past twenty four hours. He'd been experiencing this type of luck for the past two years or so, he'd stated. I empathized with him but secretly thank my lucky stars I wasn't going through what he was going through.

Fast forward to this morning when I get up, get ready for work, head to my car, and find a dead battery.

Wait.... What?!?

Recently I've felt as though I'd been experiencing some pretty good luck, as of late.

Has my old friend's bad luck somehow deposited itself onto me???

Feeling as though I was adequately prepared and ready to tackle this problem, I grabbed the jump box out of my utility room and popped my hood.

Hooked her up.

Let her sit.


Let her sit some more.


So I unhook the jump box, take her into the house, plug her into the wall....

Dead jump box.

Oh My Fucking God

What's the point of having one if I don't have the fucking thing charged???

Apparently in my attempt to be as prepared as possible, I had neglected to check the thing periodically to make sure it was still fully charged. I've only used it once since I've owned it and it wasn't even for my own car.

I can't even tell you how long ago it was when I checked it last.

So, here I sit, waiting for the box to charge, late for work, and wondering if I've been cursed with an old friends bad luck.

Happy Wednesday!
Death by turkey?
Posted:Oct 5, 2021 4:58 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2021 5:09 pm

The Spawn and I were headed back the house after our walk last night when....

From the corner of my eye....

I spied a brown blob moving through the bushes.

Turning see what exactly was that I was seeing, I soon discovered was a BUNCH of brown blobs moving through the bushes.

"What the hell??"

In a flash, three wild turkeys had popped out of their hiding spots and were staring us down in the middle of the road.

Eye Eye

"They kind of menacing Mom."

I was waiting for the boxing gloves come out and the announcer begin speaking.....

'And in this corner we have Secret_lade! She hails from the town of Bellaire and has an irrational fear of getting her eyes gouged out by large birds with talons.'

"I think that one's giving me the side-eye. The thing missing is a leather jacket and a pack of smokes rolled up in the sleeve of his t-shirt."

We stood for a long moment, eyeballing each other in the setting sun, when suddenly they turned and stumbled away.

Thank God.

I really do have an irrational fear of getting my eyes gouged out by bird talons....

I'm going have start carrying that corn!

Happy Tuesday!
Life with a Teenage Spawn
Posted:Oct 4, 2021 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2021 1:05 am

"Where's my backpack? I put on the floor in the kitchen."

I put it in her room after I got home from work.... I nearly killed myself when I tripped on it. That was hours ago.

"I can't find the brush! Where did you put the brush??"

The brush? 's on the floor in her bedroom right next her backpack. Might as well be located in the Bermuda Triangle.

"Did you wear my mascara? You like you're wearing my mascara!!"

Um... Yah. Her mascara. You mean.... The mascara I bought myself when my other mascara somehow fell into the toilet?!? Apparently what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers.

"Why didn't you wash my jeans when you did laundry?!? You know I wanted to wear these jeans today!"

The jeans I told you to throw in the washer when I started that last load? If you can't manage to throw your own dirty jeans in the washer, neither can I.

"! I taught Tilly a new dance move!"

Poor Tilly, her pleading eyes as she sits patiently waiting for the Spawn get done contorting her body into a series of arm and leg movements. That kitty has the patience of a saint.

"We're out of toilet paper."

No we're not. 's a brand new package under the bathroom sink.

Which brings me the here and now. Wish me luck folks cause right now we're feuding! I came home from work and discovered the freezer door was wide open. For how long? I have no idea....

But was the last straw and I took away her M&M's.

I am now the worst on earth.

I somehow think I won't be losing any sleep over my new found title....

Happy Monday!
Surprise phone calls from my Mighty Marine....
Posted:Oct 3, 2021 6:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2021 3:18 pm

My Marine called last night, it was certainly good to hear his voice.

In the background I could hear the voices of all of his other squad mates calling family as well, it felt kind of reassuring to me. Reassuring in the fact that my boy wasn't going through this all alone, their voices were proof that they are all part of this process and every one of them were going through the same things as he. Their parents? Going through the same emotional roller coaster as me.

He will be off to his occupational schooling in three days, infantry is now under his belt, but he also told me he will be going overseas once his occupational schooling is done.

My heart sank....


"Yes Ma"

"No, I don't want you overseas"

"I'm going overseas Ma"

He doesn't know just where yet, he just knows he's going. My irrational mind is screaming at me, how can I protect him when he's an ocean away?? My rational mind is completely silent.

I hate it when my rational mind doesn't speak up.

My irrational thoughts have a way of consuming me.
Green Acres is the place to be.....
Posted:Oct 2, 2021 5:27 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2021 4:25 pm
How do you know you're living in the country?

You go on a walk with the Spawn and see this on the other side of your driveway....

Not going to lie, this is definitely a change from what I'm used to, but it's a good change. I'm certain I'll start missing the convenience of living in town and having everything within a mile of me, but it's been kind of nice to see the wildlife everywhere and apple orchard across the street getting harvested.

The Spawn and I were nearly back to the house when we spied this guy munching away in the field next to the house. I certainly didn't see this from my apartment....

Hmmmm..... Perhaps it's time I pull out the bib overalls and find me a chewin' straw. I think this place is starting to assimilate me.

Happy Saturday!

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