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One Life... Do you live it for you? Or for others? Can it be both?
One Life... Do you live it for you? Or for others? Can it be both? It is hard even being on this site, as I am forever at odds with myself. One one hand, I am smart, a good leader, a good team-builder, an entrepreneur, a wicked strategist, and I speak with an ere of authority that can silence a crowd as they humbly listen to my every word. (And I speak this way with no concern... no nervousness... just confidence. BUT... In private quarters... ...it's all different. Especially in the presence of a<b> black </font></b>male. For all my well-crafted words... all he gots to do is (pick ANY one of the following): whisper into my ear, smile at me a kinda way, place his hand innocently on my shoulder, move in any way which accentuates his dick (and let me be clear folks, size ain't shit... even if he small<b>... black </font></b>is<b> black...</font></b>, lean in a little closer than normal, refer to me as "bae" "girl" "boi" "sucka" or any possessive wording at all "my dude" "my bro" "my man" "my bitch", or even just speak in a charismatic way... ...and like I bolt of lightning traveling through my circuitry... my mind is immediately overloading, melting-down, and has become an empty wasteland... all in an instant. I will stutter, unable to compose sentences... look like a fool before him... afraid and yet allured by his smile... cause he knows he is all up in my head... and is greatly enjoying it. Despite the side of myself that likes to be in control, I find myself getting off on his intimidating presence. And heres this: It ain't a culture thing, like TV makes it out to be... it is not any "bad-boy" appeal from "the<b> black </font></b>man" that attracts me (the scariest most deviant folks I ever met were white<b>... black </font></b>culture actually experiences more loyalty from their own, than white folks ever get from other white folks (an observation, and a non-bounded opinion, but none the less...) ... it is something more innate. It is biological magnetism... dark skin turns me on, the rough hair sends unbelievable shivers of excitement all through me (if I was black, I would be touching my hair ALL the TIME!!! It's okay, laugh if you must. I can command a crown of 100 with ease... but I get all twisted and shy in the presence of just one King. Its the fear of rejection by him. It shouldn't matter... yet somehow everything hinges off of it. You see, I was hardwired to SEEK his sexual bliss. I could almost care less about getting off physically... but if I experience his climax, I will masturbate over the memory for ever. Two things I wish to say here: It is possible to serve the self, by serving others (sense of mission, and purpose)... ...and being submissive DOES NOT have to cost dignity. In my fantasy universe... where the white race has been enslaved by<b> black </font></b>man... I am not just some bitch or random piece of property. No... I am a PRIZE piece of property that he comes to treasure... to covet... and why? Because I am putting my existence on the line to see him happy - whatever that mean. If knowing the greatest thing I can do is step aside and even help him score with a female... paying for any costs involved and getting completely out of the way so he can enjoy here alone is what is going to get him to the highest place of happiness... then that is what is happening... and alone, later, I will smile... knowing while I may not be there... I helped him find his bliss. I would do everything to be that property that he chooses to protect... to secure... because my devotion is toward the conquest of anything which would bring him down, and the victory of bring unto him anything which will elevate him. People who claim to be in love get this wrong all the time... letting their own selfishness and insecurity get in the way. Men need to become pleased often. Men need a safe place to vent anything. Men need financial support at times in order to move them into a more lucrative position. Men need space. Men need side-action. Men need to feel lazy sometimes and have one like me doing the work for them. Men need full body massages, and nice meals cooked. Men need someone to pay some or all of their -support for them, do they laundry (yep, Ima inhale the hell out of his balled up undies... we call those fringe rewards... Women and other gay ass mofos... read and re-read this above paragraph. If you truly adore a guy, what is so hard? Stroke his ego... be home when he asks even if he isn't home on time. Rub his feet. Babysit his ... do anything to make him smile!!! Because that is what having adoration for someone is all about. Best of all - YOU WILL FIND THAT EVERYONE IS FULFILLED. We live once. What are we wired to do? Just because a King makes me keep his dick in my mouth while he plays video games for an hour doesn't change who I am... it adds to it!!!! Stroke his ego every chance that happens (so, always).... because it make him feel good. What other variable is there? We live once. Live it well and find fulfillment. |
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