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 Welcome to Sexy TIMES!This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved. Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain! Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUESSexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq. Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore] The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism. |
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STOP PRESS: THE LATEST IN OFFICE CHAIR NEWS
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Posted:Aug 10, 2017 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2017 1:23 am
102813 Views
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As a regular subscriber to the Office Chair News magazine, published every month, I was fascinated with two snippets of news in the magazine’s latest edition.
The first bit of office chair news I want to share with you is that there is an annual World Championship Office Chair Race. The races are keenly contested; race participants must wear helmets and knee pads to race.
It won’t be long before office chair racing is a recognised Olympic sport and office chair racers are regularly tested for using Tipp-Ex, a proven performance-enhancing drug!
The second piece of news is that the Office Chair Appreciation Society, which publishes Office Chair News, has just issued a guide to safely having sex over an office chair - see below.
As an office chair fan (not yet quite a fanatic), I tried to follow the step-by-step guide in having sex with my girlfriend over an office chair. We failed to have sex following this authoritative guide.
The problem, I think, is that the design of office chairs has become very complicated for allegedly ergonomic reasons. They are so many handles and knobs, never mind the swivels, making it very difficult to have safe sex over an office chair.
I think the Office Chair Appreciation Society’s guide on how to have sex over an office chair is aimed at geeks and nerds and not fans like me!
So here’s my simple guide to heterosexual office chair sex:
1. An old-fashioned chair - no knobs, handles and castors - should be used
2. The man sits on the office chair
3. The woman sits on the man
4. The couple then have sex cowgirl-style
That’s simple. Why does life get so complicated? And don’t get me on television remote controls; it’s often easy to get up and push the knobs on the television to turn the television on, switch television channels and change the television settings than fathoming out the zapper!
Do you have a fancy office chair in your home?
Have you ever had sex over an office chair?
When was the last time you had sex in the workplace?
I have a theory why office chairs are so complicated; they’re over-engineered because the onus is then put on the office chair user rather than the supplier or employer. If your back is done in or your arms get strained while sitting in a fancy office chair, it’s our fault for not setting up the office chair correctly!
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"IT'S NOT NORMAL"
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Posted:Aug 6, 2017 12:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2021 10:34 am
96990 Views
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This post is my contribution to the thirty-third virtual symposium supremely organised by the cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #33 Symposium Link for August "What Is Normal?" to read other contributions to the 'What Is Normal?' virtual symposium.
Being called normal is both reaffirming and damning. I suspect we all don’t feel normal and not feeling normal is normal!
Many times I’ve expressed my feelings to a friend and they say that’s normal, so then I assume what I feel is normal. But is it? I get reassured that what I think, feel and do is normal in the sense that many other people think, feel and do what I do. But is everything I think, feel and do normal? I doubt it.
Normal seems to have two distinct meanings. One is a statistical meaning, normal is what most people think, feel and do - this meaning connects with culture. Culture is how we live. Being normal here is just doing what most people do.
But normal, as a second meaning, can have more restrictive overtones and disciplinary undertones. Normal here is a moral judgement about whether what you do is good or bad. Being normal is part of a socialisation process of conforming to the dominant mores of a society.
Are you normal?
Many of you who read my blog can probably remember my last blog post, FANCY AN ORGY, where I laid out my secret plans for my girlfriend’s birthday. My plan was to take my girlfriend to a sex club and my dilemma was whether I tell her of my 'secret' plan beforehand.
Helped by the advice I got, I did tell my girlfriend of my plan. The outcome of my disclosure was that we didn’t go to a sex club. After some discussion, my girlfriend said "It’s not normal" for me to want to take her to sex club where she may be fucked by other men.
My response was garbled. I tried to use the statistical meaning of normal by saying that about one in ten couples swap partners - okay not normal in the sense that most couples swap partners but I was trying to make the point that it wasn’t totally abnormal.
But that response didn’t wash; what my girlfriend really meant was that it was not normal and right for me to take her to a sex club. I said why not. She questioned why I would want her to have sex with someone else. I replied that it would turn me on. She then said that this shows I want sex with other people. I answered that it shows that I want sex with her with other people around.
Our discussion was inconclusive. Bloody normal!
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FANCY AN ORGY?
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Posted:Jul 28, 2017 10:02 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2017 12:56 pm
103081 Views
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Liberty Elite sex club:
It’s my girlfriend’s birthday next week, plus my birthday soon after! As we haven’t had a holiday for a while - not helped by me allowing my passport to expire, I’ve promised her a secret short break in between our birthdays.
My girlfriend has always wanted to soak in an outside hot tub.
My initial plan was to go to stay in a hotel in the Derbyshire Dales to eat a Michelin five-star restaurant and then stay in a secluded cottage also in Derbyshire. The cottage has its own jacuzzi in a private garden.
Plan A failed as I could only book the jacuzzi cottage for a minimum of two nights. The problem is that the cottage is in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do except for soaking in the jacuzzi and walking in the countryside. The cottage is self-catering; I didn’t think my girlfriend would fancy cooking as a birthday treat!
Plan B involved staying in a hotel in the Derbyshire Peak District; the hotel has spa facilities, okay not private but at least my girlfriend could spend a day in a jacuzzi. Because my girlfriend doesn’t feel confident enough to drive on motorways and I don’t drive, this plan had to be aborted.
Plan C had to involve places that were a relatively short distance away. A thought then crossed my mind. There’s a sex club - or a lifestyle club depending on your way of seeing things - close to where we live and it has a large jacuzzi. It also has bedrooms to stay overnight so there’s no need to worry about drinking and driving.
The club is called Liberty Elite, see photo above, and we have visited this club a few years ago. I’ve now booked a bedroom at the club. This is what the club’s website says about the night we’re going:
"LIBERTY ELITE presents our new event co hosted by SHEER BLISS PARTY'S. Tonight will be a SPECIAL night of SHEER sexual pleasure and debauchery and is to be held on the first Friday of each month at Libs. SHEER BLISS PARTY’S aim to bring sexual energy to Friday Night People on the first Friday every month. Sheer Bliss want to entice real players and genuine Greedy Girls, along with well mannered good looking guys and lots of Hot Raunchy Couples as well. We have invited Clair our young gifted DJ to play the latest music to create a real fun party atmosphere for tonight."
In deciding to book this night at the club, it was obviously the DJ that clinched it for me! I’ve also booked a bedroom and meal at a nearby hotel for the night before. Both the club and hotel are a relatively short taxi ride away so there’s no driving.
And on the day of our club adventure I’ll take my girlfriend shopping to set some sexy clothes so she’s ready for the club. Though there club has no dress code, other than no T-shirts or trainers (sneakers to my American friends), women invariably dress up or rather down when they attend the club.
Have you been to a sex or lifestyle club?
If not, would you be tempted to attend such a club?
Should I tell my girlfriend that we’re going to a sex club for her and my birthday?
At first I thought I’d keep everything a secret on the basis that we’ve been there before, we don’t have to sex with anyone else (unless we want to!) and it’s not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. But a nagging thought remains in my head is whether or not I should tell my girlfriend of the planned club visit. I’m in a bit of a dilemma.
I've blogged about the Liberty Elite club and other sex clubs I’ve visited – see SEX CLUBBING.
Below and inside are some orgy scenes.
an orgy of walruses:
an orgy of locusts:
an orgy of concrete:
an orgy of swimmers:
an orgy of starlings:
an orgy of rugby players:
an orgy of sardines:
an orgy of cars:
an orgy of sex:
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THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER, IT IS NOW!
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Posted:Jul 24, 2017 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2022 9:34 am
102518 Views
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Chris Froome, Romain Bardet and Rigoberto Uran (plus Darwin Atapuma on the right):
Le Tour de France is over and my summer has effectively ended! I just don’t know what I’m going to do now. I guess I’ll have to wait for the next Grand Tour, la Vuelta a España next month. That’s a long wait for me!
This year’s edition of le Tour de France was one of the best for many years. There were lots of incidents - crashes, skulduggery and a close finish. Team Sky’s Chris Froome won the Tour by just under a minute from Rigoberto Uran and Romain Bardet. This was Chris Froome’s fourth Tour victory, one more and he becomes one of the all-time greats of le Tour de France - not bad for a Kenyan-born, South African-educated, French-living British citizen!
Warren Barguil won the polka dot jersey for being the best climber and Michael Matthews won the green jersey for being the best sprinter. Warren Barguil was brilliant in animating the Tour. Michael Matthews was lucky because many top sprinters, such as Mark Cavendish, Peter Sagan and Marcel Kittel, didn’t finish the Tour for one reason or another.
Simon Yates won the white jersey for being the best young rider; his twin brother Adam Yates won it last year. They race for the same team but the team doesn’t allow them to race together yet!
Team Sky were dominant if not a little controlling and a bit boring; Mikel Landa and Michal Kwiatkowski were brilliant as domestiques in getting Chris Froome to Paris. Strangely Team Sky had the fastest rider, Chris Froome, and the slowest rider, Luke Rowe, to Paris. While Chris Froome got le maillot jeune, Luke Rowe got la lanterne rouge!
But for me the two best teams were the French team, AGR2 la Mondiale, and the Dutch team, Team Sunweb. AGR2 la Mondiale were great in trying to get the French rider Romain Bardet to the yellow jersey - the French are coming next year! Team Sunweb won two jerseys, the best climber’s jersey for Warren Barguil and the best sprinter’s jersey for Michael Matthews - the Dutch have come!
The most disappointing teams were the top-budget teams, the American Team BMC and Spanish Movistar Team. Team BMC at least had the excuse that its leader, Richie Porte, crashed out of the Tour quite early on but Movistar Team had no excuses; Movistar did nothing this year!
My girlfriend claimed that cycling isn’t a proper sport; as I spluttered I showed her a photograph of a Tour de France’s legs to show her the pain, sacrifice and glory of the sport of road cycling - see inside for the photo.
What does la Tour de France mean to you?
See you all in France next year!
For other Tour de France blog posts, see BICYCLE RACE, LE TOUR DE FARCE, THE PELOTON AND A WHEELSUCKER, A DOMESTIC GODDESS AND A DOMESTIQUE, WATCH ME NAKED ON THE TOUR, BACK FROM LYON, LE MAILLOT JAUNE, SOME COLOMBIAN, AN INCIDENT AT THE SWIMMING POOL, MEN CAN MULTITASK, THE CURSE OF YELLOW, A COCK WAS SHOWING AND THE ALPS ARE COMING, EL DIABLO39S NAKED GRAND TOUR, LE TOUR DE FRANCE, BRITS WEARING SUNGLASSES INVADE FRANCE, LE TOUR EST FINI, LE TOUR DE LYCRA FROM DSSELDORF TO PARIS, NO SUMMER FUN IN FRANCE and NEARLY EVERYTHING YOU WANT OR AT LEAST NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LE TOUR DE FRANCE.
Team Sky:
Chris Froome, yellow jersey:
Rigoberto Uran:
Romain Bardet:
Warren Barguil, polka dot jersey:
Michael Matthews, green jersey:
Simon Yates, white jersey:
Philippe Gilbert arguing with a dog:
El Diablo:
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PULL YOUR SOCKS UP
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Posted:Jul 21, 2017 11:24 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2021 5:32 am
102727 Views
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Above is a Lucian Freud painting showing a near-naked man with one sock down!
I’m not sure whether the phrase, 'pull your socks up', is a common phrase outside the UK. But if not, the phrase means you have to try harder as your appearance, behaviour or performance isn’t good enough.
It’s very unclear where the phrase originated. Some sources suggest the phrase has military origins, whereas other sources suggest its origins stem from a man’s poor appearance or status.
Whatever the phrase’s origins, it seems women are exempt from being the recipient of this phrase. No one says 'pull your stockings up'!
Is the 'pull your socks up' phrase common where you are?
If so, when was the last time someone told you to pull your socks up?
Only yesterday my girlfriend told me to pull my socks up, so I duly did! I then told her to pull her stockings up, and she duly did!
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MY FANTASY DATE WITH AOMI MUYOCK
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Posted:Jul 19, 2017 9:57 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2017 6:52 am
100917 Views
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Klara Kristen:
Aomi Muyock without all her teeth:
Aomi Muyock without all her teeth:
I’ve long had a habit of fantasising about people - people I’ve long met, people I’ve just met and people I haven’t met. Hardly a day goes by without me fantasising about someone.
My fantasies even stretch to famous people whom I have no chance of meeting. Over the years, my celebrity 'dates' have included Audrey Hepburn, Susan Sarandon, Patsy Kensit, Rachel Weisz, Anna Friel, Susanna Reid, Christina Hendricks, Rita Ora, Abbey Clancy and Laura Whitmore.
I now have another celebrity 'date' - her name is Aomi Muyock, a Swiss model-cum-actress. I met her after reading a newspaper article about a controversial Calvin Klein advert. The advert features Klara Kristen or, at least, her underwear!
All in the name of research, I did a 'Google' on Klara Kristen and came across a film in which she appeared with Aomi Muyock. The film was called Love, a French erotic film, which was first screened at the 2015 Cannes Festival. The film’s director, Gaspar Noé, said that the film "will give guys a hard-on and make girls cry".
Despite mixed reviews from critics, the film contains loads of sex scenes, far more erotic than pornographic, and most of the scenes weren’t choreographed. Below is a selection of the film’s sex scenes involving twosomes and threesomes.
Do you regularly fantasise about people?
Have you had any celebrity fantasies?
Have you seen Gaspar Noé’s Love film?
My crush on Aomi Muyock is mainly down to her missing teeth! She looks like she’s had an interesting life; she has that so-called heroin chic look.
If anyone comes across Aomi Muyock, I hope you’ll put in a good word for me and tell her that I’m ready to make my acting debut with her!
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NEARLY EVERYTHING YOU WANT (OR AT LEAST NEED) TO KNOW ABOUT LE TOUR DE FRANCE
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Posted:Jul 16, 2017 12:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2022 9:34 am
104828 Views
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John Kerry, the former US Secretary of State, is a keen follower of le Tour de France; he once broke a leg while cycling. He has connections with the American team Cannondale who regularly enter a team in the Tour.
With one week to go this year’s edition is proving to be a gripping Tour. Just over two minutes separate the top six riders - Sky’s Chris Froome, Astana’s Fabio Aru, AG2R La Mondiale’s Romain Bardet, Canonndale’s Rigoberto Uran, Quick-Step’s Dan Martin, Sky’s Mikel Landa and Orica-Scott’s Simon Yates.
Following my last post about the Tour de France, my good friend pocogato12 commented that I need to post again to explain the tactics of the race. So here goes; my apologies to the many that aren’t that interested and the few that already know all about le Tour de France!
Le Tour de France always takes place in July, mainly but not exclusively in France. As a Grand Tour - the Giro d’Italia and La Vuelta a España are the other two Grand Tours, le Tour de France lasts just over three weeks, with two rest days, before finishing on the iconic Champs-Élysées in Paris.
The Tour normally spans about 3,500 kilometres (about 2,200 miles) over 21 day-long stages. Normally there are about 20 teams, with 9 riders in each team, entering the Tour. This year there are 22 teams, with 198 riders from 32 countries, entered onto the Tour. When le Tour first started the teams were country-based but now they are company-sponsored teams.
There are four jerseys up for grabs in le Tour. The coveted yellow jersey is the rider who rides to Paris in the least time. The other contested jerseys are the green jersey given to the best sprinter, the polka dot jersey given to the best climber and the white jersey given to the best young rider.
The big budget teams, like Astana, BMC, Movistar and Sky, always go for the yellow jersey. Other teams may go for the green and polka dot jerseys. Teams not going for these jerseys often go for stage wins; some lower-budget teams go for the early breakaways just to get television coverage for their corporate sponsors. It’s very difficult for a team to go for more than one jersey.
Given that there are many races within the race, I’m going to focus on how a team can win the yellow jersey, le maillot jeune. This post is about how a team can win the General Classification, known as the GC, and have its rider completing the Tour in the least time.
There are different types of riders in the Tour. There are climbers who can climb very long and steep hills; there are rolleurs who can ride long and flat stretches at a steady and relatively fast pace; there are puncheurs who can quickly accelerate and attack especially uphill; and there are sprinters who are quick over a few kilometres to the finishing line.
The key point to understand about cycling is that a cyclist riding behind another cyclist or other cyclists saves up to 40 percent of their energy than the cyclist immediately in front of them. This is why there's a peleton, a large group of cyclists; they’re all saving energy riding behind each other and taking turns to be at the front. It’s very difficult for a breakaway group of riders, and especially a solo breakaway rider, to win a race; they just use too much energy for them to keep going until the finishing line!
A GC team must then assemble a group of riders who can propel their leader to Paris in the quickest time. Teams’ GC riders have to be great climbers, rolleurs and puncheurs but they don't have to be great sprinters. Sprinters have different bodies than the rest of the riders - they are very brawny and muscular with tree trunks as thighs unlike the rest of the riders who are very lean and clearly in need of a good hearty meal!
A GC rider will need a team of domestiques, especially rolleurs and climbers, to help them win the yellow jersey. The role of domestiques is to totally sacrifice themselves for the leader of their team. They'll ride at the front so their leader saves energy; they'll ride at the pace their leader dictates; they'll protect their leader from any cross-winds on the road; they'll fetch and carry food and water to their leader; they'll continually watch what the other teams are doing; they'll cover any breakaways of rival teams; they'll give up their bike if their leader’s bike has a mechanical problem; and they'll help their leader have a pee on the wheel!
A top team may even have a super-domestique who can do everything, like Sky’s Geraint Thomas and Movistar’s Alejandro Valverde. As well as being their leader’s wingman, they are a team’s Plan B in case their leader crashes out of the Tour.
Basically that’s how you win le Tour de France. Like most sports, it helps to have money. Sky spends over £30 million a year to maintain its operation; many teams are operating on a quarter of that budget.
Cynics will perhaps mention drugs as a way of winning the yellow jersey. Yes, this was the way for Lance Armstrong, who now claims he was best drugged-up rider of all other drugged-up riders. But I now believe that cycling is gradually getting on top of doping because le Tour de France stage times have slowed over the last decade.
I think doping in cycling is far more individualised now and far less team-organised as in the Lance Armstrong years over a decade ago. Sky's Bradley Wiggins, a recent Tour de France winner, is the case in point; he got official exemption to use a banned drug because of his health. But his use of drugs was cynical; he just took this normally banned drug just before certain key stages of le Tour de France and not for his other races.
Despite its rhetoric, Sky isn’t squeaky clean and I can understand why Sky’s Chris Froome gets a hard press in France. But I think the crowd’s boos levelled at Chris Froome this year are more about the vast majority of the crowd wanting the French rider Romain Bardet to wear the yellow jersey in Paris.
I think I’ve gone on enough and the Alps are coming!
Do you think sport should be drug-free?
For other Tour de France blog posts, see BICYCLE RACE, LE TOUR DE FARCE, THE PELOTON AND A WHEELSUCKER, A DOMESTIC GODDESS AND A DOMESTIQUE, WATCH ME NAKED ON THE TOUR, BACK FROM LYON, LE MAILLOT JAUNE, SOME COLOMBIAN, AN INCIDENT AT THE SWIMMING POOL, MEN CAN MULTITASK, THE CURSE OF YELLOW, A COCK WAS SHOWING AND THE ALPS ARE COMING, EL DIABLO39S NAKED GRAND TOUR, LE TOUR DE FRANCE, BRITS WEARING SUNGLASSES INVADE FRANCE, LE TOUR EST FINI, LE TOUR DE LYCRA FROM DSSELDORF TO PARIS and NO SUMMER FUN IN FRANCE.
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FUNNY TRACTORS
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Posted:Jul 14, 2017 11:30 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2017 6:51 am
97814 Views
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Here are five tractor jokes:
1. My best friend’s girlfriend sent my best friend a John Deere letter after dumping him for a tractor salesman.
2. There’s a new reality television programme for former farmers. It’s called X-Tractor.
3. When is a tractor not a tractor? When the tractor turns into a field.
4. Another friend of mine rented a tractor but got well ripped off. I don’t think he should have gone to a contractor.
5. What do you call someone who used to like and collect tractors? An extractor fan.
Have you ever driven a tractor?
As a farmer’s , I’ve driven many a tractor. I loved driving a tractor; a tractor may be slow on the road but no one messes with you!
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NO SUMMER FUN IN FRANCE
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Posted:Jul 12, 2017 12:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2022 9:36 am
104243 Views
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My summer begins when le Tour de France begins. Watching the Tour is my idea of summer fun. Unfortunately Suzy Cortez above, a former winner of Brazil’s Miss BumBum contest, isn’t riding the Tour!
Every morning I turn my television on to watch each day’s stage of the Tour, plus the previous day’s highlights, and I turn my television off in the late afternoon. That’s some serious television viewing!
Roughly how many hours of television do you watch each day?
As expected, this year’s Tour is more open than in recent previous years. Halfway through, Chris Froome is wearing the yellow jersey - le maillot jeune, but he's only a few seconds ahead of Fabio Aru and under a minute ahead of Romain Bardet and Rigoberto Uran. It’s game on!
Last Sunday witnessed one of the most brutal stages I’ve ever seen. Stage 9, spanning 181.5 km, involved three category one mountains, which means very steep climbs and very dangerous descents. The stage incredibly ended in a photo-finish with Rigoberto Uran just edging out Warren Barguil, Chris Froome, Romain Bardet and Fabio Aru.
Stage 9 saw many top riders crash out of the Tour - Richie Porte, Geraint Thomas, Robert Gesink and Rafal Majka all crashed out. Richie Porte, one of the favourites for the yellow jersey, had to be stretchered off in an ambulance after breaking both his collarbone and pelvis.
Two other pre-Tour favourites, Nairo Quintana and Alberto Contador, lost lots of time in Stage 9. Their hopes of wearing the yellow jersey in Paris, I suspect, have effectively ended.
Other highlights include the crash involving Mark Cavendish and Peter Sagan, both green jersey contenders. Mark Cavendish had to retire hurt from the Tour and Peter Sagan was kicked off the Tour for elbowing Mark Cavendish. As a result, Marcel Kittel, who has won five stages already, is odds-on favourite to wear the green jersey in Paris for being the best sprinter.
Another highlight, not widely reported here, is the improved showing of French riders on the Tour. Romain Bardet, Warren Barguil, Lilian Calmejane and Arnaud Démare are having (or were having in the case of the latter) a fine Tour.
Do you have any pressing questions about le Tour de France you want to ask me?
Below are the usual photos for the many Lycra lovers here in blogland.
For other Tour de France blog posts, see BICYCLE RACE, LE TOUR DE FARCE, THE PELOTON AND A WHEELSUCKER, A DOMESTIC GODDESS AND A DOMESTIQUE, WATCH ME NAKED ON THE TOUR, BACK FROM LYON, LE MAILLOT JAUNE, SOME COLOMBIAN, AN INCIDENT AT THE SWIMMING POOL, MEN CAN MULTITASK, THE CURSE OF YELLOW, A COCK WAS SHOWING AND THE ALPS ARE COMING, EL DIABLO39S NAKED GRAND TOUR, LE TOUR DE FRANCE, BRITS WEARING SUNGLASSES INVADE FRANCE, LE TOUR EST FINI and LE TOUR DE LYCRA FROM DSSELDORF TO PARIS.
Stage 9’s photo-finish:
Richie Porte’s crash:
Fabio Aru:
Peter Sagan elbowing Mark Cavendish:
Marcel Kittel:
Romain Bardet:
Chris Froome:
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NO VACATION FOR ME THIS YEAR
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Posted:Jul 5, 2017 11:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2017 2:52 am
113455 Views
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This post is my contribution to the thirty-second virtual symposium coordinated by the cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #32 Symposium Link Topic July:Summer Vacations to read other contributions to the 'Summer Vacations' virtual symposium.
Above is Nadiya Bychkova, the Ukrainian professional dancer newly recruited to BBC’s Strictly Coming Dancing show. The next series should be well worth watching!
Her photograph reminded me that I haven’t had or even booked a holiday this year. It looks as if a holiday is not going to happen this year - we say holiday here not vacation!
Things aren’t been helped because I haven’t renewed my passport and my girlfriend has already had two holidays and isn't looking to go on another one. So what I’m going to do is plan for a long and hopefully great holiday next year. There are four holidays I’m thinking about.
First is a road trip across America. My road trip would want to take in Santa Fe, San Francisco and New Orleans. And I want to venture into redneck territory!
Second is a houseboat holiday on the canals of Kerala in southern India. After watching a recent television documentary, I know that I can hire a private houseboat with staff to steer the boat, make meals and generally make me comfortable. I do like being pampered sometimes!
Third is a holiday in southern Spain. I’d like to take in Granada, Seville and Valencia. Seville is famous for its marmalade!
Fourth is a safari in Namibia in southern Africa. Though I’ve been to The Gambia many times, there are no big animals there except for crocodiles. In Namibia I will be able to see elephants, giraffes and rhinos.
Do you have any advice for me about these four holiday plans?
Of the four holiday destinations, what destination most tempts you?
What holidays/vacations have you had or got planned this year?
Now I know why Nadiya Bychkova’s photo reminded me of a holiday - it’s the road trip in America for me. I think she may be quite a good companion on the road trip and I’m sure my girlfriend would be cool about things!
Santa Fe, New Mexico:
a canal in Kerala, India:
Alhambra Palace, Granada:
elephants maybe in Namibia:
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LE TOUR DE LYCRA: FROM DÜSSELDORF TO PARIS
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Posted:Jul 1, 2017 5:57 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2022 9:37 am
100133 Views
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sunflowers:
mountain:
cobbles:
It’s that time of year again; the Tour de France is about to start. My summer has officially started!
Le Tour de France, its 104th edition, consists of 21 stages covering 2,220 miles. Riders will have to pedal their bikes across sun-drenched, rain-soaked and wind-swept roads, occasionally cobbled. They will also to climb some big mountains in the rain, sun and possibly even snow. It's one of the toughest races in the world.
The Tour starts today in rainy Düsseldorf and ends in just over three weeks later on 23 July on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées in Paris.
The winner of the yellow jersey is the rider who rides to Paris in the least time. The other contested jerseys are the green jersey given to the best sprinter, the polka dot jersey awarded to the best climber and the white jersey bestowed to the best young rider.
I think this Tour will be a very close and even an open race. Because there are fewer time trials this year, this suits the riders attempting to beat Chris Froome to Paris. I think the race will be a duel between Team Sky’s Chris Froome and BMC Racing’s Richie Porte. It's UK versus USA, or Kenya versus Australia depending on how you see things!
However, Team Sky has selected a very strong supporting team for Chris Froome, who is a phenomenal albeit slightly unorthodox rider, so I predict Chris Froome to wear the yellow jersey in Paris for the fourth time in five years.
Team Sky is unlikely to win the support of most spectators because of ongoing doping allegations surrounding the team, though not about Chris Froome - he's clean, please! Last year Team Sky riders were spat at, were punched and had urine thrown over them.
Some pundits think that Movistar’s Nairo Quintana will win, but the Colombian rider has just participated in this year’s Giro d’Italia and though he nearly won the winner's pink jersey I think he will be too tired to win the yellow jersey in Paris.
A few pundits think Trek-Segafredo’s Alberto Contador will don the yellow jersey but at 34 years of age he’s no longer the force that he once was, albeit when he had some doping assistance!
Much to the chagrin of the French, a French rider hasn’t won the Tour de France since 1985 and I don’t think that run will end this year, but I do think AG2R La Mondiale’s Romain Bardet will make the podium in Paris.
So, my predicted one, two, three finish for this year’s Tour is Chris Froome, Richie Porte and Romain Bardet in that order - see photos below.
Will you be following Le Tour de France?
Who do you think will win the yellow jersey in Paris?
It’s Canada’s 150th birthday today. I want to wish all my Canadian friends a very happy Canada Day. To mark the special day, a very special prize will be awarded to the first person to correctly answer this question.
Who was the last Canadian to ride in the Tour de France?
Per usual, I’ll be blogging about the Tour de France over the coming few weeks. I know you love seeing photos of men clad in lycra!
For my past blog posts on the Tour de France, please see BICYCLE RACE, LE TOUR DE FARCE, THE PELOTON AND A WHEELSUCKER, A DOMESTIC GODDESS AND A DOMESTIQUE, WATCH ME NAKED ON THE TOUR, BACK FROM LYON, LE MAILLOT JAUNE, SOME COLOMBIAN, AN INCIDENT AT THE SWIMMING POOL, MEN CAN MULTITASK, THE CURSE OF YELLOW, A COCK WAS SHOWING AND THE ALPS ARE COMING, EL DIABLO39S NAKED GRAND TOUR, LE TOUR DE FRANCE, BRITS WEARING SUNGLASSES INVADE FRANCE and LE TOUR EST FINI.
Chris Froome:
Richie Porte:
Romain Bardet:
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HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MELONS?
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Posted:Jun 29, 2017 11:36 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2017 12:53 pm
97644 Views
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Above are people wearing 'watermelon dresses'. It’s the latest Instagram craze where a slice of watermelon is held in front of a camera to give the impression that someone is wearing a watermelon dress. I don’t understand why this craze is catching on, but catching on it is.
I guess wearing a watermelon dress makes more sense than entering a melon thigh-crushing contest!
The watermelon, which originated in Africa, has been cultivated for over 4,000 years. I love watermelon especially on a hot summer day.
I like all melons, especially naked ones! But my favourite melon to eat is the honeydew melon served with a little sugar and ginger.
Would you wear a ‘watermelon dress’?
What’s your favourite melon?
There are lots of different kinds of melons, a few with quite interesting names - Argos melons, canary melons, casaba melons, collective farm woman melons, egusi melons, European cantaloupe melons, Galia melons, Hami melons, honeydew melons, horned melons, Japanese melons, Korean melons, muskmelons, North American cantaloupe melons, Persian melons, Santa Claus melons, Sharlyn melons, sugar melons, tiger melons, watermelons and winter melons.
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FROM BATMAN TO BADMAN?
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Posted:Jun 21, 2017 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2022 7:47 am
99013 Views
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As you probably know - and if you didn’t know, shame on you! - Adam West, the actor who played Batman in the television series in the 1960s, died recently. Batman was my favourite superhero.
Strictly speaking, Batman wasn’t a superhero as he had no superpowers, but Batman had a very useful utility belt, a Batcave, a Batphone, a Bat Shield, a Batmobile and Robin as a sidekick to help him rid crime from the streets of Gotham City. Without Batman, the Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman and Poison Ivy would have ruled the world!
I loved Batman then and I love Batman now; I love the darkness and campness of Batman.
As a I had a Batmobile car, by far the coolest toy car in my collection. I was most scared of the Riddler, but I now think Catwoman was probably his biggest threat to Batman!
Do or did you like Batman?
What Batman villain was the biggest threat to Batman?
If not Batman, who is or was your favourite superhero?
It took ages for Adam West to be given a star on the Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Though he didn’t feature in too many critically acclaimed films, he was Batman!
When playing Batman, Adam West also enjoyed the attention of many groupies. He claimed that Batman and Robin, played by Burt Ward, were "sexual vampires" while on set and he admitted that "Because of the limitations of the costume, you gotta have quickies."
Adam West also said: "Burt and I were like in a candy store. It was the Swinging Sixties with free love and women threw themselves at us. I remember one night with eight different women … it was eight at one time."
When havind sex, Batman and Robin like to switch!
I want to be Batman, which may not be so such a far-fetched dream as the real Gotham is a suburb of Nottingham where I live. I’ve been cleaning the streets of Nottingham’s Gotham for ten years now but I’ve never had a sniff of an orgy! No one seems to care!
Perhaps I should now stop wearing a cape with satin pants over my lycra outfit!
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